Guilty weekend

My only saving grace was having done a couple of short questions for my social psychology module, in school in the morning.

After that, went to Dearie's place to take a nap together ('cos with Ki at my place no one gets to sleep), then at 5pm, it was off to get my spectacles from the optician at the Concourse.

We met Bladey and YL at Spagheddies for dinner. Evon was too busy in the virtual world she couldn't come out to meet her real-world friends. My pig of a sister said something cropped up so she couldn't come. Ah well.

We had a lousy dinner anyway. Mine was fine actually, but the rest had pretty disappointing food - proportionate to the money we paid. So, here's my advice: Don't go to Spagheddies at Paragon for food.

Since Bladey didn't meet YL earlier to get his birthday present (we want to get him some nice shirts), we set off to Wisma Atria for some shopping.

Turns out we didn't get anything. I figured no point forcing him to buy anything when he wasn't in the mood. We were extremely tempted to just pick out what we felt he might wear... but NAH...

Off for a movie we went, and Cineleisure was it. We bought tickets for a 1am show at 9:30pm. HAHAHAHA! We took our time and walked around, and took a room at e2max. It's that place where you can have a few computers in a room and an X-box. Here's the one that we took - 2 PCs and an X-box.



What's a night with a camera without YL and I having ridiculous fun with it?
Here's Bladey who just had to close his eyes when I snapped:

Here's YL being her usual narcissistic self:

Here's me trying to be as narcissistic as YL:

And here's me and Dearie sans prince froggie:

Of course, YL and I just had to do snap some together too:

Just when YL and I finally, after nearly losing all energy to the stupid controllers, reached the last stage of KOF, the bloody power had to shut down because time was up. ARGH.

We went to the cinema and caught Steven Spielberg's MUNICH, which starred THE HULK Eric Bana. Quite a good long show.

I managed to go to bed at 5am...

---
Sunday:
Had to wake up to Ki's callings at 10:30am. So much for studying.


Played with him till my mum sent him back at about 1pm. I managed to read a bit of my social psychology notes, but I finally realise that reading is just not going to cut it.

Somehow, I managed to take a nap and when I woke up - DINNER TIME. I told my mum I should study. Guess what she told me? GO for dinner lahz. You are not going to study.

I shrugged, and zoomed off for dinner.

That night, I spent 3 hours with Dearie watching CSI. Heehee...

---

Today was a hectic day at work.
But what stood out was probably the moment I saw a spider in the lorry I was in.

You see, I was on my way to the bank with my colleague. He was driving the company lorry and I sat beside him in the front. All of a sudden, I see something float down in front of me.

Remember how I mentioned that I am EXTREMELY sensitive to tiny stuff that float around the air? Yep. It triggered the senses in me. I tried to tell myself it was just a large spec of dust or one of those plants whose seeds float around in the air (the ones that you blow and white stuff fly).

But NOOOOOOoooo.. The damned thing stopped mid-air, then moved down again slowly. I tell you there is only ONE THING in this world that would do such a thing and that's a spider.

A freaking lousy evil spider.

I stared wide-eyed at the floating thing. My legs curled up and moved away from it. My colleague started to get worried, wondering what the hell was wrong.

I just kept chanting: SPIDER, SPIDER, SPIDER!

He said: No lah.....

I wanted to believe him, because the spider had its legs all stuck together you couldn't tell if it had legs or not.

Then.. the lousy thing seemed to realise I was inspecting it. It started to climb up it's own web. All 8 legs were in full action. I freaked out again.

"IT'S REALLY A SPIDER! SPIDER! SPIDER!"

I grabbed what I could and prayed to myself: I don't want to kill you, but if it's the only way I can get rid of you then....

*smack*

I didn't get it. Because I didn't see any remnants.

My colleague don't know want to cry or laugh. He pulled over at the nearest bus stop, got out, found it, and helped me smack it out of the lorry at last.

If I weren't so afraid, I'd have snapped a photo of it 'cos I've never seen a spider with white legs and a slightly yellowish body. It was freaky - like every other 8 legged thing. Octopus included.

Anyway, I realised that despite having shrieking and curling up in the passenger's seat, I wasn't embarrassed. According to my social psychology notes, embarrassment happens when an image I want to project is not being interpreted the way I want it by another person.

I thought to myself: Why was I not embarrassed?

I came to realise that at work, in front of my colleagues, I am only concerned with being seen as someone who is hardworking, efficient and easy-to-get-along-and-work-with person. I do not mind letting anyone see the personal side of me.

Same thing with my friends I think. I feel confident about my personal self to let them see whichever side of me it is that's being exposed. I mean, I'm sure there're stuff I'd like to hide (everyone does), but at the moment, I'm pretty happy with being this way.

In the papers during the Idol auditions, there was this girl who said she had to change into her heels because it's what gives her confidence. My gosh. I don't know if that's really what she said or what the papers put in her mouth. I mean, how can a pair of heels give you confidence? It's got to be in you lah. If you're confident in singing, even if you were barefoot you'd feel like you were the best.

And that's what I'm talking about. Showing confidence in just being you. Being happy being you. I'm very happy being myself. And everyone should be entitled to be that way. Real change can only come from within. No one else can make you.

How this post on a guilty weekend turned out to be one on "self" is a wonder. Biangz. Has my social psychology notes finally managed to go into my brain through osmosis when I slept on them???

Time to go sleep on them some more. Heehee!

Lazy blogging

It's been a tiring week. It flew by so quickly I didn't even know it was the weekend already.

I did go to the BBQ on Thursday night. Had a wonderful time. I only got home at 1am, but I enjoyed it. Too bad, I'm not good with conversing. I never have anything smart to say... I truly enjoy listening alot more. I love to be entertained - when I'm actually supposed to entertain them! It's so interesting to hear about others talk about the culture at their country to what they think of ours.

Needless to say, I was tired at work today. Lazy Friday but managed to get my work done up.

Held a small and short meeting with some band mates. Lots to settle on that. Will have to try to do so asap else it'll eat into my study time.

Did I mention that the mock exams are next week? No? Well, I am now. I'm screwed. Seriously. I haven't written a proper essay on Social Psychology topics this entire year. How to pass I ask you!? Even Accounts till now I can't do Cash Flow and Blanace Sheet properly. HRM I can barely remember what it's about liaoz.

In order to keep this blog post interesting than ranting about the same damn stuff, here're some links to funny video clips from a show I enjoy, "Little Britain":
The Hypnotist: Value for money?
Prime Minister's gay assistant: Need I say more?
Wheelchair Andy and his friend: Andy says "I want that one" and "Ya I know" in every clip he appears in.
Racist "woman": "she" pukes in this same way every episode she appears

The characters actually grow with each episode/season. Sort of. These 2 guys are amazing aren't they? It's funnier when you watch the entire season. Enjoy!

I'm scratchy thanks to AA2006

My feet are sore.
My arms ache.
My skin is burnt.

What did I do?

I attended the Asian Aerospace Exhibition 2006 yesterday. I went to the office as usual, then I learnt that my colleagues will all be going for the AA. Since I already pre-registered and had the pass, why not I tag along?

Happily happily followed my boss go to Expo and waited for my other colleagues. We also had to wait for some overseas guests. To get there, we had to take a shuttle bus costing $2 per trip. Obviously, the company paid for it.

I shook hands with the head of the delegate and together with my colleagues brought them into the AA. In the queue, I met my air stewardess friend AGAIN. Last time meet on aeroplane. Now meet at airshow. HAHA! So cool.

The pre-registration helped me get past everything much quickly, but we still had to wait for our guests to come through the queue so same lahz. It was already 11am by then. The sun was shining down strong. People were prepared to catch the air show at 11:30am. I mean, that’s what people come to the show for right?

Saw plenty of kids too. I think they’re from some school that taught them flying? My colleagues let the overseas guests wander around on their own and specified to meet at 4pm.

Being from the ST Engineering group, we could hang around the first part of the exhibition mingling around before heading out in a while to catch the air show.

For someone like me who couldn’t care less about planes, the air show shouldn’t mean much. Still, watching the planes do their usual spins and routines, makes me filled with awe…. Being able to tahan the motion (‘cos I have motion sickness), being able to control a big plane and calculate exactly what speed to go at, how to steer it (unlike on the ground you have a road, in the air all you have are clouds which don’t really help navigate,;like at sea you have nothing but water around.).

I tried to capture a few shots on my mobile but obviously it didn’t catch much except a little black dot resembling a fly. You have to watch it for yourself there and then I guess.

It took only a short while before my colleagues and I started to melt. We found shelter without much of a view but we figured the shelter was more important so it had to do. Anyone who saw a girl and a couple of guys near the big screen beside the trailer, yep, that was me.

Halfway through I noticed that the queue to sit in the fighter plane had reduced to only 1 kid. My colleague accompanied me over. There was a cute pilot at the top of the stairs, but I was more interested in the plane really. I got to sit inside and realised how amazingly snugly I fit in. Wonder how the pilot fits inside there. I guess it’s meant to feel really tight, but kinda cosy at the same time. Or maybe I was standing on heels for too long. Haha! Damn cool lehz.

No camera, but luckily handphone have. Haven’t figured out how to transfer the photo out to the compy so too bad. Photo-less post.

Spent the rest of the day hunting for souvenirs to take. Landed up with more magazines than anything. I would think my engineers and managers are usually lazy to take these so I stock them up in case they come into use.

Damn heavy lugging the stuff around. Took paper bags, plastic bags, badges, etc… Basically anything that was shoved to me I just took. Most booths only gave plastic bags. Better than nothing. But as stuff got heavier I stopped.

Saw a company named CMI Defence. Heehee.. Those who know what the abbreviation CMI would understand the joke. Oh, there’s another company named CFM. HAHA!

There was a portion where we could walk around and see the many planes up close. A pity no going up onto the planes allowed. We noticed a shuttle bus to see the big planes. Thinking it was to be the new Airbus 380, we joined the long queue. We had a lot of time to kill anyway. Set back was that it was very hot. Thankfully there was a little shade.

We got there in the packed shuttle bus, but realised we were not able to get onto the A380 either! ARGH! Kenna cheated! Only got to see this and 2 other bigger fighter planes. We quickly joined the queue for the bus to go back. There was only this one bus. It was very slow. This time there was no shade. The sun was beating down on us at about 2pm. I was very thankful for not wearing a long sleeved blouse.

My heels were killing my feet. I needed a seat. I would have also appreciated some food. We found a seat at one of the sort of air-conditioned places for food. Heng ah. Had a hot dog and 2 cans of Chrysanthemum. By then we still had another hour to kill I think.

We wandered some more like zombies. Saw a lady who had her blouse unbottoned till her boobs seemed ready to burst out. Witnessed the most awesome presentation ever by Elbit. It was an enactment that displayed their capabilities in a very interesting way. It was like witnessing a part of a movie live.

A guy was going through what the capabilities of their company were. Behind him were 4 young soldiers messing around with the computers, and a large screen displaying a map with lots of lines and blinking dots (ala the movies).

Suddenly the red light on top flashes and he says there’s a code red. Then you see the soldiers behind playing along getting really busy. The recorded videos of how they tracked down the “intruders” that “caused” the red alert, the communication between this real soldier in front of us and that of the PA system plus the fantastic acting were all done so professionally. I was extremely impressed.

The presentation ended and we STILL had time to kill. Wandered around some more. Landed up at our ST Engineering booth again.

By the time we left, it was exactly 4pm. We made our way to catch the shuttle bus to the Expo again. My goodness it was such a horribly long walk. On the way I met a secondary school friend which lifted my spirits up for a moment before I continued trudging on. Our guests had a coach waiting for them at the Expo. My colleagues went with them back to where they were staying, while I took the train back to Clementi. Reached home at about 5:45pm. Kaoz.

My feet pretty much died. I realised I missed a couple of spots when I applied my moisturiser that morning (got abit of SPF). This means I’ll be expected to peel abit here and there. I lay down for a while, had my dinner and off I was to class again.

Caught CSI, America’s Next Top Model and American Idol all after class, though I didn’t finish the last one. I just had to go to bed.

Tonight there’s more idol, but I really ought to be studying.

Social Psychology, Human Resource Management, Principles of Accounts, and Marketing. Hmm.. Which one should I work on when all are equally lousy?

Then again, there maybe a BBQ the guests are throwing that I’ll attend. And tomorrow’s no good either because I need to hold a meeting for my band fellas. Wow. I feel so guilty compared to Dearie now. He’s been studying lots sia. Eeks. Ok, so sometimes he gets sleepy, but who doesn’t?!

I never had much of a brain for studying. What am I even doing trying to get a Business degree?! Argh.. I should’ve just taken up singing, dancing and more instruments. I learn THOSE a hell lot faster and better.

Meanwhile, I’ve yet to see the NYP scandal video. Only read about it. I still can’t believe the anal sex part. I mean who in the right frame of mind has anal sex?! It’s plain sick. Can you imagine the effect it would have on the girl’s bowel movement? I tell you it is physically insane. If guys do not like it in the ass, they should not do it in girl’s asses.

But of course, there’re those who’ll prove me wrong.

The lazy Saturday I needed

I went to work on Saturday morning. The plan was to go get my new phone after work, and after Dearie's class. My beloved 7250 that Dearie got me for my 21st birthday was juz about to go to heaven anytime, so I had to trade it in before it was too late.

Went to Bukit Panjang Plaza to get the phone. Signed it up under Edwin's name, because Dearie's plan is under HIS name for some kind of discount. Confusing. I'm also not very sure about these things, but I only knew I wanted to get THAT phone and that's all.

The guys helped me to check the phone and everything else. I just marvelled at how pretty it was. I didn't even know I had to bring my charger for the trade-in that Edwin had to use his dad's first, then later on pass him mine. Oops.

Got home to have my new Nokia 7370 charged. Pretty pretty girly phone. Complete with girly gold pouch. Just nice my new bag (the one I got during Christmas I think) is also gold in colour. Haha! (See the little corner of my desk? Heehee.. the rose is dying. Haha! THe chocolate will be munched on soon!)

Of course, by that time, the house was a playground. Who else but the cheeky boy to have that power...

While my sister watched "The Stepford Wives" on DVD, Ki made lots of noise. I played with him for some time. Then Dearie took over. So both of us sort of managed to watch the movie too.

Remember that my mum bought lots of plants for CNY? Well, there's a plant that has these little orange balls hanging from them - small oranges, I guess. Ki happily plucked one out. Eeks. Thankfully it was only one.

Mischievious little boy ran to my mummy with the marker in hand.

He liked the little face my mum drew on the orange.

YL called me out for KTV. It was probably one of the extremely rare occasions that I turned the chance down. I was tired, and wanted to spend some quiet unwinding time. Not that having Ki around was not noisy, but, you know, I needed my mind and heart to be at a different place. They both didn't want to do anything. Not want to have to dress up, not want to have to put make-up, not want to have to keep myself awake, not want to have to drink... Another time perhaps. Just not this week.

My parents brought Ki out shopping, leaving my sis, me and Dearie. Finally, some good rest. It wasn't long before they were back with our dinner, and Ki was back with MORE toys. Argh. Where got kid every week got at least one new toy?!?!?!

He got Dearie to open his new red bus for him. Impatient little fella didn't even let us eat first.

He played with his bus, while Dearie and I quickly had our bite.

Then we had to rush back to the floor and help to set up his OTHER toy.

No, not Tigger. Heehee! Tigger's mine. Dearie's got it for my on V-day. Heehee! Ki's toy is the track you see behind Tigger. Damn hard ok? China made parts not so easy to make it affix properly ah. Dearie even had to open up the moving part and fix the gear.

All this time Ki was bouncing up and down getting excited.

That's my mum behind him making sure he doesn't tumble off. He plays too rough.
While my mum and Dearie tested the track, I caught the cheeky boy sneak off quietly to munch on the leftover fries of our dinner!

He finished them all up I think.

Though he might claim to have shared it with Tigger.

My poor mum would do anything for Ki. Her back aches but still lets Ki climb all over. Grandmotherly love... just as amazing as motherly love.

All the messing around on that track worth it when he laughs...


---

On Sunday I planned to study from morning till evening. At school.
Turns out school doesn't open on Sundays, so I went to Jurong East Library and spent about an hour there in the afternoon (wake up late lahz) flipping my notes. All the desks were occupied so I just found a spot and nearly dozed off. The fella beside me dozed off waaaay quickly than me.

Dearie woke up even later and I went to have a very lunch with him.

We went back to the library without any luck for a table. Landed up at the comics section where he got 3 books, and I got book 1 of The Sandman. Should be good, though I don't like English comics. Don't like the drawings, but definitely alot easier to read for me than Chinese ones.

We did get to do an hour of reading when we eventually found a spot. Why only an hour? 'cos the clouds started floating by. Got up quickly and left before any downpour. Heehee! Spent the rest of the evening lounging at his place, and caught Catch Me If You Can again. Cute theme song. Reminded my mum to catch the movie too.

So much for a Sunday for studying. We'll try again this week. Must "chop" a table at 10am liaoz.

Band is a part of my life

Work is piling up. I haven't been studying.

Tonight, I landed up at band. But like every other time I go for band at the music room, I come home extremely satisfied. I think that's the word to describe the feeling.

It was a meeting with the young ones who had just graduated. I was all jittery from the night before, worried sick about how it'd turn out. It all went well. The kids were receptive to our idea of them planning the concert in June, while we older ones oversee the planning.

I still don't think I am much of a leader at all. The only thing that made me seem like a leader was when I kicked off the meeting, and went home to "report" to my "board of directors".

Yep. That's how our band functions. We have an advisory committee formed by very senior members (founding peeps of the band really), then the excutive committee (which is formed by members like myself), then the members.

Somehow I feel like the corporate world has seeped in to the structure: advisory committee = board of directors; exco = Management; concert committee = supervisors; members = staff. HAHAHA! But of course, these are without the politics and manipulation. All "report" to one another and we really work together as a team. We are a very small group afterall.

Anyway, interesting right? I love to know that I have something to commit to outside of work. A healthy activity that makes use of skills and can develop myself. Instead of bumming in front of the TV like I have been for too long.

Just when I thought we band people were the only crazy ones with people coming back to school to help (after 8 years), we saw a few from the my batch managing the young scouts. It was extremely nice to know that we band people weren't the only ones who actually did this.

In case I haven't mentioned, the band I'm referring to is my secondary school alumni band. I play the flute, and am president for this year. It's been my sole musical outlet for the past few years. My goal this year is to make sure it doesn't die in my hands. hahaha!

I am sooo not cut out for management. Still, I'm enjoying the experience. It's great to learn. At work, I help the managers. At band, I become the manager. Great for my resume eh?

Band will be coming back in full-swing at a wrong time for me. My mock exams are in 2 weeks. Revision classes will be very intensive. My exams will be in May.

I still want to commit to band. I strongly believe that it is a matter of time management, sacrifice and the determination in wanting this to work out. One of my committee members is having his A levels this year. And he already claims he cannot commit to the band. Honestly, it's a matter of whether he wants to or not. Like how I cited to him: People have kids, a wife, a job and can study at the same time. I have it a little easier than them. But all he has to worry about is his A LEVELS?!?!

Good luck in the real world dude.

To each his own though. Not everyone's cut out for a life as packed as this. I know Dearie isn't. I guess guys really can't multi-task can they? Haha! I guess he's still young lahz - my committee member I mean. Later on then he'll discover bah.

I've got 2 other fantastic members on my team. I can't wait to pass the baton to them sia. In the meantime, I shall embrace the task at hand. To talk to my "board of directors", liaise with the school, prepare for the next meeting, and prepare to start contacting all the other members of the band.

For now, it's off to bed. Going to office tomorrow to clear some work. Next week is the Asian Aerospace. Busy week. Dearie has set aside Sunday to study. I need him to make me. How ironic. He make me study instead of the other way around. BLECH.

Work busy. Exams coming. Band concert in-the-making.

It's going to be one hell of an adventure all before June..

Time to up my game.

Rain + me outside the house = Not good

I got to Clementi central at about 7pm. Just in time for the downpour.

This is why I do not like to be out when there's rain:
1) Freaking puddles everywhere. Heels do not work.

2) People walk like snails. This means you sometimes have to waddle and wait IN the puddles.

3) People with umbrellas walking under the shelter do not bother to close them.

4) Being cold and wet is not a state I like to be in when I'm pressed against strangers.

5) On a motorcycle, rain can only be a bad thing.

---
Courtesy of Bladey, please click HERE for a rather irritating game of concentration. I think I haven't got past 13+ seconds yet.

I also just discovered how wonderful YouTube is - I can search for WHOSE LINE IS IT ANYWAY. Yippeeeee!!! Try it! Watch them! Absolutely amazing improptu stuff. Always makes me smile, if not laugh. :O)
In case you're too lazy to do that, you can try THIS clip to see how you like it. Enjoy!

TV WeekNight

Came home from work, had dinner, took a bath and was in front of the TV for the rest of the night.

8 - 9pm: American Idol
9 - 9:30pm: Just For Laughs - Gags
9:30pm - 10pm: Making of Wizard of Oz
10 - 11pm: CSI Season 6 (Episode 1)
11 - 11:30pm: Remaining half hr of America's Next Top Model

Dearie came over with KFC in time for CSI. Opening episode were the usual casea, but of course, with each episode, they reveal abit more about each character. Yummy.

---

Tonight, when I get home, I'll be expecting to be welcomed by the naughty boy Kiki! So much for watching American Idol at 8pm, but Ki's more important lah.

Oh.

I realised something's missing from my itinerary.

I think you should have noticed too.

Damn.

I hate to study.

All I need now... is sleep

Again, thank you all for the wonderful comments Spinnee, Sexual innuendo, Blue Apple and Alvin.

We're all good now.

I realised that when he started his sms simply by calling me "Dear".

He came over with a little "baby" Tigger and a small bouquet of 1 rose and 3 Ferrera Rochers. This is the first time I have ever received a "bouquet" on Valentine's day. In fact, I think it's the first I've ever received from a guy.

I've never felt this way about any other guy... 4 years and I still love him so much... 4 years and he can still make me feel all fluttery inside... :O)

The rest of the gang were at Madam Wong's. Dearie and I dropped by. It was surprisingly a first for me. I wasn't in the mood to club. (After a day of work, 3 hours of class.. all I really wanted was some time to wind down. Clubbing is not winding down for me. I prefer either a KTV session or some quality time at home.)
And I've never liked drinking alcohol.

What did I land up doing there apart seeing my crazy little sister? I played 3 games of pinball. And if anyone wanted to spare $1 coins, I wouldn't mind playing more.

We stayed for about 2 hours before I had to call it a night else I'd have to take urgent leave the next morning.

Sure enough, this morning I'm reeling in the effects from staying out too late. Argh. Super irritating.

Back to me and Dearie, well, we're ok now. I guess after all this nonsense, we know each other a little deeper. That's how all quarrels are supposed to end, right?

As for points such as what Alvin brought up about the future, yep, I think of it every now and then. I've always been planning for it, but I do not think Dearie's ready to do that now. Not yet. But we'll be getting there together.

One milestone at a time. To all those who were so worried: Thanks for all the concern. Lover's spats happen all the time, only that this is the first ever major one. I'm ok. We're ok.

Tonight is TV night: American Idol, followed by Season 6 premiere for CSI (Las Vegas one). Then I still get to catch half an hour of America's Next Top Model.

In between, I can always play my newly downloaded game with my old account - GUNBOUND. Yep. I'm back in the game. Still suck at it, but Dearie's got his WoW, I've got to have something right? Haha!

After my exams I promise to get myself a digital piano. One small enough to fit into my room, but the keys MUST feel like a piano. But then again, I wonder if I can survive past the exams. So much I can do, but when it comes to exams, I'm lazy and hopeless.

I'm blabbering already. No thanks to lack of sleep. Luckily no meetings today. Luckily no need to rush out any minutes.

I... want... to... ... ZzzZzzzz...

Proof that I am indeed Juz Another Gal

I couldn’t focus on anything on Monday. He still didn’t reply my smses. I felt as if I was suffocating. (Today, I read that it IS possible to die from a broken heart. Wow.)

Anyway, I planned to go over and look for him after class. Then I realised an important detail: he wasn’t online when I checked in the evening. This meant that chances were he wasn’t home. He didn’t contact me, so I figured I Bladey to try asking. Of course, he replied him. He said he’d be home at 11+.

Instead of roaming outside on my own, I went home first, then left the house at about 11:30pm in hopes for a talk. I tried calling before I left, but his handphone was off.

I sat on his doorstep for a while. Before long, YL was calling me, and it was as if my sister, her bf and YL were on a frantic search for where I was. Bladey knew very well where I was and my intentions. I spoke to YL a bit on the phone. As it went past midnight, I figured maybe I should write a note and paste it on his door.

I know they were all concerned for me when even his mother started sms-ing me. Damn. I must be such a seriously monotonous person that no one believes that I can indeed do something out of the blue, in the spur of a moment.

As I was writing mid-way, he walked up the steps and our eyes met. Was it the feeling of meeting someone so familiar? Or was it of seeing a stranger?

For the rest of the time, I was doing the speaking. I cried and mumbled through the first half, but repeated it in a much more coherent manner when the sobs stopped. All this time, he just stood there and nodded. There was no quarrel, but I dare say the communication was pretty one-sided. But it was kind of what I expected. And I went there to do what I intended to – tell him my feelings.

I don’t know what time I left. In the cab, I replied a few smses that had come in earlier. I was emotionally tired.

This morning, I woke up and felt as if a part of me had died. Have I already built a wall around me these 2 days? I feel as if the heartache is now a soft pain in the background, a familiar hurt.

I start to think what I could do, or what anyone else could do, to make me feel better. I thought of warm hugs, flowers, surprises… Nothing seemed like it would be spontaneous enough to display some sort of sincerity.

Am I expecting him to “win me back”? Has he already lost me?

I do not wish to think he has. I am unsure of what I am feeling. What I am expecting. Maybe, as the day goes by, I will feel better and my feelings will become clearer.

Some things I used to say jokingly to my friends, that they should teach him some pointers how to treat me, what he could do for me, etc etc… Maybe I should have said them in a more serious manner. But then again, it ought to be my job to tell him what I expect him to do. He can’t read my mind.

But the flipside is neither can I read his.

I don’t know if I mean anything to him. I don’t know if I am important to him. I don’t know if he will notice if I disappeared. If the answer is yes to all, I don’t know how I expect him to show it. Maybe just whisper to me huh? Hahaha… Despite being as much a practical, low maintenance person, I am higher maintenance on the emotional side?

All girls need a tinge of romance. Holding my hands and looking into my eyes counts too. I don’t need diamonds or flowers, soft toys or gadgets. See how low maintenance I am? Ah well….

To all who left comments in my previous post (emiryo, Sexual Innuendo, Crayola, Ghost, Chang): Thank you. I know it’s a communication problem. It probably still is. But I am darn sure I have done my best as whatever a girlfriend can do. I just need some reassurance – like all girls need. Every comment you take the time to leave gives me support and more food for thought. I always enjoy reading comments. ALWAYS.

Bladey: Thanks for keeping me company via sms and msn. I know all I need to tell him is to read my blog. But I’ve already done that and he doesn’t bother. Like I said: If you friends tell him, then maybe he will. :O)

Alvin: You’ve been sweet as usual. Thank you.

YL, my sis and her bf: Don’t worry about me. Try to make HIM worried about me instead. Haha… You all know how happy I am with him. How every moment snuggling with him brings out a naïve and innocent side of me. Unfortunately, my love needs reciprocation. I’m a lot stronger emotionally than I am physically. I usually get over it fast. You all should know that by now right? Heehee…

Love you, love me

I always thought that I blogged more when I was sad, angry or plain unhappy.

Turns out, I was most unhappy the past 2 days. Mostly formed by heartbroken me.

Funny why I should feel this way. It almost feels as if I’ve fallen out of love.

I had a great time on Saturday, having gone make a new pair of spectacles at the Concourse, went window shopping, lunch, movie and a very good dinner. Even ended up at Cineleisure’s E2Max which I would very much like to go to again.

My mummy smsed me as I was getting onto Dearie’s bike, saying that Ki was still not sleeping. We rushed back and managed to catch a few moments with the little sleepy boy.

Dearie and I were very tired having been up since morning. As we held each other, I don’t know why, but I asked if he’d start saving up with a piggy bank. Just by dropping some coins in every now and then. He outright said no, and gave some lame excuse about being lazy to do so.

I asked him repeatedly, why not and why won’t he just do it for me. I mean, I think this is one of the very few times (or one and only time) that I asked him to do something for me.

With Valentine’s day coming up, and us having such a great day before, I thought he’d relent, but he didn’t. I got really upset. When I do, I usually don’t say a word and start moving around like some sort of zombie. He, as usual, didn’t bother. By the time he left my place, he himself seemed pissed off too.

I crawled back into my bed, and cried myself to sleep.

---

I woke up the next morning, almost forgetting what had happened. Maybe it was the magic of Ki waking me up, but the sadness soon started to seep in.

For the rest of Sunday I was bumming around the house, checking my mobile and MSN every now and then.

What I really was doing? Hoping that Dearie would drop me a nice sms, a call to check on me, a message to see how I was doing, or perhaps a ring on the doorbell for a hug.

None of them happened.

I felt even more upset.

A friend told me if I wanted him to do something, I needed to tell him. Honestly, I was not in the mood. If I did, and he didn’t do so, I’ll get angry. If he did do so, I won’t be able to guarantee I’d feel a lot better either.

I dropped him a little message on MSN, telling him what it would have meant to me if he did what I asked him. Just that silly piggy bank thingy would have at least indicated somewhat to me what he was willing to do for me, to make me happy. You can imagine my devastation when he plain refused – which seemed to tell me he was not willing to do anything for me.

His only reply for the day was that he didn’t know that was what it meant.
That’s all. Just one sentence.

I watched 3 hours of CSI on my own. Usually he’d come over, even if just for an hour. I didn’t budge from the couch the whole time, with some sort of secret hope he’d come by, but he didn’t.

I dropped a good night sms to him. I went to bed and tried to sleep. I tried to cry. I don’t know how, but I still managed to wake up this morning for work.

I usually talk to my mum in the morning, and smile to all of my colleagues. I didn’t do much of either today.

I didn’t receive any reply from him. The only thing that showed on my mobile when I woke up was that of the alarm I had set.

Tomorrow’s Valentine’s day. We don’t usually celebrate it. He doesn’t give me gifts on this day, or treat me to candlelight dinner. It’s not these things that matter to me. Really. A hug, a kiss or even a card is enough to appease me. But it doesn’t seem like I’ll be getting either this year.

A lot of my friends, even my mummy, say I should start discussing my future with Dearie. Honestly, he’s not interested in the discussion. He’ll avoid it at all costs. It’s not like I’m very ready myself, so despite the pressure, I’m fine with my own pace.

Still, it’s not like I am asking a lot from Dearie. At least that’s what I feel. Am I wrong? For all the love that I give, all I really am asking back in return is some affection and appreciation. I don’t want to feel like I am being taken for granted. I don’t want to feel like I am just another friend. I don’t want to feel like I am single on Valentine’s day when I am not.

Please Dearie… Don’t make my heart harden up again like the time before I met you. Please… I don’t know how to translate this word into english but in Chinese, it’s known as hong3.

Dearie, I know you don’t read my blog, but if for some odd reason you stumbled onto this post and actually read through it, hear my plea: hong3 me. I never taught you how to do so, like so many people have said I should have “trained” you to, but I actually assumed you’d pick up the “skills” eventually… Like from movies…

Every now and then, a girl just needs some extra affection.

That time for me is now.

The radio in my head

I just realised there are probably only two songs that can make me tear, just by listening to them.

1) Michael Bolton's BUTTERFLY KISSES
2) Luther Vandross' DANCE WITH MY FATHER

They must be mighty powerful to have such an effect on me - someone who doesn't cry at love stories and movies.

Just thought to pen it down.

Different songs for different moods.

So much good music in this world. So many to play. So many to sing.

I realise that although I listen to 93.3FM and go KTV for all the mandarin songs, those that stick in my head are usually those in English. Possibly because it's the language I understand better. Half the time in mandarin I don't understand the lyrics, but love the melody.

Just like Shan Hu Hai (Jay Chou that song). So beautifully written - but I need some lessons on what the lyrics mean.

Well, for those who do not know the 2 songs I mentioned above, go check out the lyrics. You'll know why they're so touching.

I'm always touched more by the love between parents and children than any other type. It's the greatest ever.

Recent local news

Most of the time, I only read news that happen on the Singapore front. Or anything related to Singapore. But then I stopped reading the news for a while. Lately, I’m trying to pick it up again – thanks to these very recent happenings.

- The Clementi Monster
- Furore over a recent sex education session
- Gas scare in bus
- Robbery at Sembawang Toto outlet

There’re more, but these are the more prominent and interesting ones I guess.

About that Clementi Monster
I stay near the place where the rapes happened. That’s reason enough to be wary the next time I walk back from school. He actually performed anal sex. Now THAT is sick. I also read that the bastard made the girl perform oral sex on him. I asked Dearie why the girl didn’t just bite it off when it was in her mouth. He said it ain’t so easy to bite through it. Can someone please help to confirm this? Girls nowadays need some sort of plan in case shit happens.

About that sex education session
This one was about the sex education session that a JC had received from Family Life Society (FLS) which stems from a catholic beliefs. They pretty much said that condoms don’t really work in prevention of diseases so one shouldn’t even use it and that in-vitro fertilisation is wrong.

Personally I think that is some very screwed up education. How biased can it get?! I’m shocked that it is being told to students who may go around thinking: What for use condoms when they don’t work anyway? or Since I can’t have children naturally, I have to adopt or make do with none.

Such sessions should focus on the scientific facts and what should be preached should not be religion but the responsibilities of having sex. Sigh. If FLS expects that preaching about abstinence is the way to go, then they must really be living in their own little world. Much as it’s for the best, I honestly think that the more you tell teens not to do something, the more they get curious and want to try it for themselves.

About that gas scare
Can’t wait for them to tell us exactly what was it that was emitted. Wonder if they’ll be able to catch the freak who did it too.

About that robbery
Where the hell did he get that gun from?! Will someone please check and see how it could have gotten into his hands?! How did it enter Singapore?! Yikes.


I also checked out some photos of the 70 hour gag that Mediacorp held. I have to admit that Jean and Rod on the evening shift is starting to get more entertaining and Glenn and FD. I’ve always preferred Glenn Ong, but too bad he seems to be toning down lots. Ah well. Hooray for their fund raising efforts!

Today’s URBAN section of The Straits Times talks about Compulsive Shopping Disorder. Scary. Immediately thought of my sister. She keeps buying stuff and there’s hardly enough space to keep everything already. Then again, I’m no better constantly clicking around online (since I work at an industrial area, and she at the heart of the business district with loads to see), lurking each corner for more buys.

Remember, anyone with Victoria's Secret items, size XXS, going cheap can always contact me. Gojane also. Or anything else in XS-S also can. Important is nice, new and cheap.

See how shamelessly I use my blog to find more things to buy? Hahaha!

Back to the news. Today’s the Grammys. Bloody hell I didn’t take note of the date. Could have caught red carpet moments on E! Entertainment live this morning. I also missed the red carpet for the Golden Globes. Argh. Previously we didn’t have digital cable so no such channel. Now we have it yet I don’t use it. ARGH!!!

I am so going to have to note down when the Oscars are going to be held.

Meanwhile, American Idol is still entertaining. I continue to watch America's Next Top Model. I must remind myself to catch next week’s episode because the Wildboyz are going to be on!!!
In case you don’t know who they are, they come from Jackass, headed by Johnny Knoxville. They go around doing really stupid stunts in Jackass. In Wildboyz, the show is along the same line, only that everything they do is with animals in the wild – like swimming with jellyfish and getting stung purposely, letting a snake bite them, etc. Sick stuff, but got animals, and if anything, they show you what happens if you get too close to some animals. I like.

Singapore Idol's coming up. My mum is bugging me everyday to sign up. No goodie bag if I sign up now so no thanks. If I sign up now and get $10, maybe.

Enough of stuff happening around me. Time to focus on things that are happening to me. As usual, I am not studying. I keep bumming around. My procrastination is only getting me closer to failing more papers than I can afford.

At work, it hasn’t been a bed of roses but I still love my colleagues, the job itself and my office. Salary still sucks. I just learnt that there are 3 summits that I could probably sign myself up for: Professional Administrators Summit (25 Apr), Secretaries’ Summit (20 Apr), Asian Summit for Secretaries and Admin Professionals (18-19 May). Obviously the latter seems like the best one to go for, more expensive too. See how bah. I just might for the heck of it.

I also got my trade pass for the Asian Aerospace 2006. No idea if I’ll go and check the place out. I went for the previous one and was exhausted when I came back. If there’s going to be transport by my dear colleagues then why not eh?

That’s probably enough of an update for now. This weekend will be set aside for shopping. Dearie needs to get a new helmet badly. I need to get a pair of proper heels Yes, I don’t have a pair of proper heels since my last pair got shredded up by who knows what. The sole was literally shredded. Dearie and I also need to use some $30 or $40 worth of Kinokuniya vouchers because they’re expiring already. I also need a pair of new spectacles very badly.

Along the way, maybe I’ll see some nice clothes to pick up..........

How very long a Saturday

I actually woke up at 9am on Saturday. Spent the entire morning playing with Ki.

He loves the birds that have made a nest at our aircon thingy outside.

See the twigs?

Caught a video of him asking my mum about mama and papa birds. Including little baby bird. He saw my mum hit the air con thingy before. It was to scare the birds away. Those twigs are not very safe you know. They could catch fire.

Anyway, dear little ki kept telling my mummy not to beat the birds. How cute. Despite how he likes to slam my penguin, kick, throw and punch it too, he actually feels for the little birdies. Awwwww...

The birds are damn lucky we are good to animals. The twigs you see in the photo is just a small corner. The entire base of the air con is their nest. Keeps baby bird warrm I guess.

Naughty Ki drank some freshly squeezed orange juice. You can tell he liked it.





Jingxian came over with her husband at 1pm. Kept commenting on how she looks so much like his mummy. He act shy only sia.

Her husband rushed off to school soon after, then Jingxian and I left in a cab to my primary school teacher's house.
Ya. No typo. PRIMARY school Chinese teacher's house.

YX expectedly didn't turn up citing some excuse again. Of the 6 of us who turned up, only 1 we hadn't seen in a loooong time. 12 years to be exact. Just nice. From primary 6 till now. One cycle. Dog year again.

It was great to sit around and talk about the old times. Especially when our teacher can recall all our names (with surnames) better than some of us. We have decided not to wait another CNY to gather again. I may organise something in June. I'll see about it. I love gatherings.

By the time I left it was probably 5pm. One of the guys drove so I managed to hitch a ride to Dearie's place where all the rest of his gang were already. I was pretty tired by then, but went for dinner with them anyway.

Landed up at Taman Jurong. An ok dinner. Fairly priced too. Managed to lao yu-sheng for the 3rd time. Considering it was "Ren Ri", the yu-sheng was cheap.

We left for Zhenyuan's place at Queenstown. Supposed to be a mahjong session. Thing is, there were 6 of us. Dearie and I didn't play mahjong either. We tried watching DVDs but they were either spoilt or boring. Landed up with SCV but compared to back home, there were so few channels I didn't get anything nice to watch. Plus, for some odd reason i wasn't feeling well. Then I realised - I was awake since 9am. It was midnight already.

I thought they'd end the game soon, but me not knowing anything much about mahjong now understand that it takes a very long time to finish a round. Dearie sent me home at 2am. It was freezing and I didn't have a jacket. Blech. Was shivering the through entire ride.

I still think I had a good day. Any day sans studying ought to be labelled good. Heehee!

Non-CNY-celebratory days

Right after the good holidays, I trudged back to work to an almost empty office. Did what I had to do, went home, and went to school.

Studying truly sucks. While my POA lecturer was going through an exam question, my brain died on me and didn't understand a thing he said. Dearie sat beside me through the lecture and was barely listening. He was pretty much staring into a space in front of him - where the lecturer was NOT standing.

I turned to him and asked him how to do the question he was going through. He looked at me, paused, looked at the question, and said: Dunno. I was frustrated because I really wanted to know why it was done that way. He looked at the question again, then said: Easy lah.... He scribbled something and VOILA! He came up with a figure the same as the lecturer's.

WHAT THE HELL!?!?!

I think I am destined not to make it past 2nd year. The question was dubbed as "EASY". I really dare not think what would happen when I meet "DIFFICULT" questions. Oh no......

Anyway, that was Wed night. Spent the time after class watching America's Next Top Model. That show just inspires you to be a model, or crushes all your dreams of being one. I'm a sucker for "behind-the-scenes" so all is good for me.

Landed up watching American Idol on re-run that night too. And on Thursday night as well. Explains why I won't be making it past Year 2.

---

My damn eye needle (yup, a fresh one grew) started to act up on Friday. I decided to see a doctor my medication. Also because my mum said I ought to get some.

Made my way to the doctor, who said that it is caused my dust getting into my eye and didn't get washed out. He gave me a day off. I still made my way to the office though. I needed to finish up some work. I was in and out of there in about an hour.

Got home, watched 1 VCD of "One More Chance" (the Jack Neo show) because my mum wanted to. Lazed around and dozed off.

Woke up to get ready to head down to Orchard. Nope, not for the Chingay Rehearsal. I didn't even remember it was on Friday night.

I was to meet my ex-attachment students at Orchard MRT. I reached early so I walked around Far East Plaza and saw that the silk cami that I wanted from Victoria Secrets is now available at Chaos. Yippee! Finally someone has copied the design and made their own! Unfortunately it was tagged at $39.90. Freaking hell.

Got too many camis lately. Need to get a halter. Saw something promising at Isetan but again, bloody hell, it had to cost $39.90. Worst part about all these is that they'll have a sale later on and sell this at a discount so I know that if I buy now, I'll lose out. Argh.

Met up with my friends and landed up eating at Food Republic. First time there. Actually thought it was quite nice. Thankfully the crowd was gathered outside for the Chiingay thingy so we managed to get a window seat at the food court.

The thing about us is that everytime we go out, we snap one of those Neo-print cards. It was no exception this time and we walked over to Cineleisure - at the same time to check out what movie we could get.

There was a huuuuge crowd overlooking the Chingay procession.

We snapped our little card thingy and caught the movie "The Long Weekend". Funny movie. But probably not worth $9.50. Heehee..

Reason for the little gathering is because Timmy is going off to Australia to study Mechanial Engineering. We snapped a few photos together. This one was taken with the self-timer.

I'm the uglier one in the skirt by the way.

And lest you think I was making full use of being on MC, here's how my eye looks like when the photos aren't so far away.

Went home by midnight. Then read the news and realised Clementi got sick Indian pervert. Well, at least I got home safe huh? Except for the damn eye, it was yet another good day.

CNY Part 4 - Our turn to be visited

Tuesday morning. 3rd day of Chinese New Year.

Dearie's parents came over - sans Dearie. Yeah. He didn't manage to wake up in time.
So nice of them to still come over!!!

My parents met them for the 1st time. Yakked for a while before they had to go off elsewhere. It made my day getting both sides to finally meet. Puts a face to the people I talk about you know. Just like in the office, when I meet someone I usually hear about only, I feel very happy just to see them face-to-face at last.

Anyway, that was for the early afternoon. In less than 2 hours, my sis' in-laws came over. Big family this time. And I mean it literally too.
Needless to say, Ki came along too.

Zaki got a new big silver car and a big gun from my mummy to prevent him from digging out his usual toys and tearing the storeroom down.

It's not easy to capture him looking into the camera when we pose with him. In this instance, what I did was make him smile and turn to the camera and dash in front while my elder sis snapped. Obviously the first shot didn't turn out good with me pretty much in mid-air.

This one had me in the odd position and frozen from smiling and Ki just happened to look up and SNAP.


In addition to 2 new toys for Ki, my mum bought a jackpot machine.

It's about 1/3 the size of my monitor I think. And my mum's keeping it at our place. Haha! We'll all have a go at it once in a while I guess. Everyone's toy for a change.

While all these was happening, my parents were busy serving up food to the rest of the family. Yum yum.


Ki couldn't be bothered and continued enjoying running about.


Alas, new toys can only keep him so occupied. He managed to dig up his favourite yellow bus again.


At least his mummy managed to get a shot with Ki smiling into the camera.

Don't they look so alike?

I told myself not to nap after they all went home, but I still landed up sleeping through the evening.

My parents woke me up to go for dinner. The regular Chinese place we go to was too packed so we landed up somewhere new. In a surprising turn of events, we ended up eating Italian. Authentic one I think. It was very interesting. I would have put them in photos but I didn't have a camera.

I don't even know where that place is except that it is near a railway track and between Bukit Timah and Bukit Panjang.

Later that night, sweet ol' Dearie came over just to watch an hour of CSI: Miami with me before I went to bed and got myself prepped for work the next day.

It has been quite a good CNY for me so far. All this without taking into account the ang pow's I have collected.

CNY Part 3 - Visiting

First stop for Monday morning was the temple at Punggol. Yes. All the way to the other end of the island, but hey, it's only once a year. My mum kinda grew up there. I quite like the place too - probably because of the cats.

Yep, there're 4 cats there all well-fed by people with soft spots for animals like me. They're bathed by the helpers in the temple and very well taken care of.

Ki likes cats too. He likes to say meow and stare at them intently. Seeing me touch one, he reached out and did the same.

He did his usual running about but look at him suddenly look so "innocent" when in front of my mum's friend.

I spent quite abit of time just stroking this cat.

Give me any furry little thing (spiders not included) and I'll probably be stroking it too. Animals are wonderful.

Ki explored the temple some more.

Then it was time to move to our next location.

My sister and her boyfriend drove their van behind my dad's car to my uncle's place. Needless to say, Ki managed to get his share of fun again.

From there, we went to have lunch at an Indian place nearby. Since I don't eat Indian food - it's not my fault that my taste buds do not like the spices - I enjoyed 2 prata kosongs. Probably the only Indian food I eat. Yummy stuff.

We headed over to my mum's friend's place around the area. She's a very rich lady staying in a humble 3 room flat. Her money in other houses I think. Not to mention her daily expenses (because she doesn't work), and her daily gym and spa sessions.

Super tai-tai life.
I like.
Heehee!

Anyway, it was probably already 1pm when we left and headed to a cousin's place. My cousin's kids, thankfully, were ever so kind to Ki. Not only did her boy play with him...

..he even gave Ki the toy gun he was messing with!

Now how many kids would do that?! That boy really sweet. Ki should learn from him how to behave ah.

Well, I was exhausted by the time we left. My dad's car must have been too 'cos it started acting up. The stupid alarm kept coming on and off. Luckily for us, my sis BF managed to fix the problem. He messed with the car and tada! After quite a while we were on the road again.

My parents sent Ki and his parents home, then dropped me off at Dearie's grandma's place. Exhausted, but still managed to stay awake over there. Grabbed more ang pows, and soon it was time to head home.

This year, I didn't open to see how much I got until a few days after collecting everything. It was just something I took from people who gave me. If they didn't, I honestly wouldn't even have noticed. I think I growing old. Otherwise it was the visiting that just wore me out so bad. First time go around so much in years.

Dearie and I reached my place probably at 4plus. THe both of us lay on the bed and zonked off soundly till 8pm when the phone rang to wake us up. Our sleep was so deep I wonder how many times the phone had rung already.

Dearie and I watched TV that night as usual. Finally didn't need to move from the seat. We just sat there and enjoyed the feeling of being lazy.

I don't know how going house to house can be this tiring, but it turned out to be just that. Absolutely draining. But then again, it could be that I'm just weak. Heehee!