Weirdo Me

Indeed it's been a month and now I am feeling a little empty.
But then again, it could just be my period making me feel this way again. After all, like I said, it's been a month.

The D&D is on Thursday. It's Tuesday now. How exciting. I want it to end so I don't need to worry so much about it, but I don't want it to end because I really do enjoy organising such things. I'm a weirdo I tell you.

Another 2 firsts last weekend. Mr biker friend brought me to this place in Sengkang. A jetty to be exact. Damn. I didn't know that Sengkang was actually along the edge of Singapore. What kind of Singaporean am I? Haha! It was a nice quiet spot that was very safe - 'cos there was a police post there on that tiny stretch. Interesting.

The other first? I went to Sentosa in the middle of the night and finally made a stop at the long-ago-opened Cafe Del Mar. It was another very enjoyable time. Plus, the movie we caught that night was Enchanted. Truly enchanting. Hilarious and very romantic. The singing and dancing is exactly how I used to dream I could be in the real world. If only huh?

Every year I come up with a wish list that never comes true. Since when did I ever get any of the items on the list? Never. So I've decided to come up with a more realistic one (just in case anyone plans to get me anything. Heeheeheeheehee..)
1) A tiny portable radio with earphones - something I can put on my office desk and play on speaker mode or for myself
2) That particular pair of Levi's Crystal jeans (waiting for Jass' 25% off to buy it)
3) That particular pair of black Charles & Keith boots size 37 (i just want a pair of boots lah.)

I'm sure there'll be more to add to the list but at the moment this is all the space my mind has got.

Before I fell asleep yesterday, a thought just struck my mind: I realised that my friends are very lucky to have me. Just like I am extremely happy to have all of them. I forgot what made me think about it, but I did. Like I already said, I'm a weirdo.

I've got so many various sides of myself - and each group of people bring them out. It is so very fun to have friends from all the various different walks of life, with different interests, different habits, different backgrounds. I see a different side of life everytime I hear the situations they face, how they deal with them, and get to understand each one a tiny bit better.

You've got to be me to understand how it fascinates me. I think it's because of my sheltered and pampered life. The extremely wonderful care that my parents have given me would have been taken for granted if not for the people surrounding me. They never fail to prove that my life has always been very good, and that I have been lucky in many ways.

I am a jack of "almost" all trades, but a master of none. But this is what has allowed me to move from one group to another seamlessly while being myself. I'm lousy at playing pool, nor do I know much about motorcycles, neither can I play any other games - but knowing a bit of each has helped in some way. Going along makes it easy to be with. Because to me, it's the company that makes the activity worthwhile.

Still, I'm a tad too easy to please aren't I? Whichever side I am showing, I'm still too easy. I am soooo upping my standard. But I will keep smiling and laughing just as much. Why not?

The stories I tell are the same, and the way I speak doesn't change. Yet a different side of me is displayed each time. It's not even about the mannerisms. I don't know how to explain it. Like I said, you've got to be me to understand it. Or perhaps see me in action.

I am out to know more people. And continue building stronger ties with those I already know. Part of my resolution perhaps.

There's so much to discover out there. I know most people enjoy travelling to see the world and experience different cultures, etc etc... but I think there's a whole new world behind each person I meet. All around us. Everyday.

Life is an adventure. Live it. Love it.

"I've been dreaming of a true love's kiss... da da da la la la..."
I don't think I'm ready to fall in love again so quickly... but damn it. I am actually looking forward to it.
Please let there be someone who'll come along to love me for the weirdo I am....... :O)

7 days to D&D

I love doing events but this is taking up quite a bit of me. Which can be a good thing I guess. Takes my mind off stuff. Actually not stuff. Just the breakup.

I've been dealing with it very well I think. Been able to get on with my life and push myself pretty hard. It's a good test for me.. see how strong I am on the inside. And I realise I am indeed as strong as I think I am - but of course, I can't keep up this front forever.

I had a moment of sadness today. It was a good indication of how I was doing up till this point. Hearing about him didn't do me in. It was hearing about him but no part of it abt him being miserable that made me feel disappointed.

But no. I shall not let that get to me. It's good that he's moving on as normal. So it means that it was right for him to dump me. And that I should find someone else. I don't know. And to be honest, I don't care. I've past that stage of thinking abt what's on his mind.

It's been a month already. That means I've also known Mr Biker for the same period of time. He's been the one getting a whole load of my attention when it was not on my work or other friends. Sad to say, like a substitute for the energy I'd usually put in for my ex.

Poor thing. Hope he doesn't fall for me lah. I'm sooooo not able to fall for anyone at this point of time. Still he's been really nice to me. I'm not taking it for granted at all. I appreciate it, and return him this kindness too.

There have been many lives I've walked in and out of, and many have done so to me too. I wonder how far this friendship will go. Like all friendships I've built, hope it'll last.. if not, then at least make it that my stay made his life a lot brighter and happier.

Another busy weekend ahead. All planned out. Back to back appointments. Good!

7 days to the D&D.. then I'll finally have a lot more time to myself - and to meet all the people I said I'll meet up with!

YL, YX, Zhenlin, etc etc etc etc etc.... so many lor... good lah. Keep myself busy as usual.

Flute quartet performance coming up. Please please please go to The Heeren on 22 and 23 Dec to listen. More details will be out when the poster is done..

Stay tuned.

Too many to meet, too little time

I would like to write down all I did over the wkend - that means starting from Friday... but there's just so much to share...

Friday:
Knock off at 9pm
Go to St James
Midnight @ Kbox

Saturday:
9am in office
1pm lunch
3pm Flute photoshoot + practice
7:40pm meet wenlong to watch a play
1am: meet mr biker for a ride

Friday was a very busy work day. Me and my colleague who's also in the D&D committee didn't even have time to eat lunch. We grabbed something to bring to the meeting room to eat during the discussion.

Later that evening another colleague bought donuts in. What a life saver. I munched one down, before continuing with the work required. My poor boss.. I hope I'm not sacrificing too much attention from her to this D&D. I know it's somewhat been affecting my main scope, but I have to buck up and make sure it doesn't any more.

Back to work. Well, both of us girls (and another 2 guys from the committee) stayed back till 9pm to help us with the decorations for the pantry area. THank goodness otherwise we'd never had been able to get it done.

Still, we told each other that we had to come back the next morning to do some finishing up.

I hurriedly left for St James to meet Jass, Patrick and Andy. Supposed to do some drinking but I guess we were too tired. Never managed to get around drinking much. It wasn't much later that we changed location to CINELEISURE KBOX!

I like ktv. sing, listen to pple sing, watch MVs... I like. Haha! Only later on did Mr Biker-friend join us. Well, ok. More like he came to send me home. Haha! It was 4am by the time we left. But me being me, and didn't wanna go home despite falling asleep, made him accompany me to just talk at my void deck.

By the time I climbed into bed, I think it was 6am.

I woke up at 8:30am to go to office. I planned to come back at 11am when we were done. But I brought my flute along just in case. Luckily I did. 'cos by the time we were done, it was 1pm. Went for lunch with another colleague also working through the Saturday, and took a cab to my friend's place for flute practice.

My goodness. I was there early and guess what happened? I fell asleep! 10min worth of winks. Better than nothing. We practised, and snapped our photos for the poster etc, and we were done by 5:30pm. I took that chance to go home and catch half an hr of rest, a few mouthfuls of dinner and rushed off to meet old friend Wenlong at City Hall.

The play was "Postcards from Rosa", starring Neo Swee Lin (Phua Chu Kang's mother). First time I attended a play. The storytelling was good... and it was interesting to see her interact with the audience. After the play, I went over to his newly rented place to take a look. Watched something he made in film school, and went through all the wonderful rubbish he collected. Haha!

Whoever says something has to happen when a guy brings a girl home? I don't believe that crap if both are really friends. It won't happen unless you want it to.

He sent me home at midnight. I was incredibly sleepy. I laid down in my bed, and texted Mr Biker. It wasn't hard to jump up from sleep when I left the phone by my ear. I didn't want to waste the Saturday so I asked him to come pick me up for a short ride.

We spent a long time chatting at some park in NTU. Why there? No particular reason I guess. Just wanted some spot to sit down and chat. Didn't really matter where. Saw many cars and bikes go past at the expressway - all coming out from 2nd link. All speeding. haha!

The ride was short. Only the time spent talking wasn't. Oops. I got home at 5am again I think. It's nice when someone opens up to you. I still don't know him well enough, but he seems genuine enough to me. Not completely open, but genuine in the sense of being honest. I can be honest abt me and him, and he can be honest abt him and her. He was hurt very badly. A tad too many a time. And he's still healing slowly. But I hope I'm helping in some way.

I managed to sleep the moment I was lying on my bed. Slept uncomfortably till 3pm 'cos Ki kept waking me up. Blech. But it's Ki. Who can resist him?!

Dad's birthday tomorrow. We've got a simple dinner planned tonight at Orchard. Ki's going too! Oh. He just woke up. Means it's time to go!

Tomorrow's another day of work. I hope everything goes smoothly. Plenty of things for the D&D to be done. I really am falling for my job.

I'm falling in love again. With my life. Not that I ever really fell out of love for it. But you know what I mean. There are so many simple pleasures in life to appreciate. It's good.

Just play

I went blading again on Saturday. I liked the feel of it. I definitely need to practice more though. This time maybe I'll try it at West Coast Park.

I knew Mr Biker-friend wasn't feeling very happy, but neither was I feeling too happy either - although the blading did help. Still, I was glad he really did turn up at East Coast Park to pick me up. He sent me back where I took a bath, then we went for dinner together. I really just wanted to go for a short ride, but in the end, we spent the night playing with Jass' son and playing cards.

I think there was some sort of miscommunication. I had asked Ken (the rest of the riders) that if they were going out, just let me know so perhaps I could tag along. But I think they read it that I asked them all to come out so we could go out together. Miscommunication I think. Sighz. Anyway, I didn't meet them. Like I said, spent the night at Jass' place. Only left at 4am. Poor friend of mine had to ride me all the way back home. Oops.

He's got lots of troubles on his mind. All of which I don't think I can help much with. But although he's such a loner, and prone to flashes of anger, I like his company. Or maybe I just like being on his bike. Hmm.... But I realise I really do want to cheer him up. It's as if I have taken it up as a new assignment for myself. He's not the kind who'll just open to anyone.. and I'm glad he tells me things.

I guess, in a way, he helps me keep my mind busy. I hope I am actually helping him and not making anything worse though.

Yesterday was yet another bizarre day. Going for flute practice isn't anything out of the ordinary, but getting a call reminding me that my friend's wedding dinner was that night, most certainly was. I rushed home from flute practice at 7pm. Quickly dolled myself up and went to the dinner at Bukit Batok. I had a good time catching up with friends as usual. No one mentioned my ex.. I guess they were all being really nice and sensitive.

But me being me... for some reason was just not in my best mood, actually said yes to meet another person I met online. I'd have called for others but I simply had to prove my point I guess. And because he reads my blog, I shall not elaborate. But let's just say I am not impressed by Mr Teacher. Not at all.

For the worrisome friends that I have, no, I don't just go around meeting every damn person I meet online. Don't worry. I have met some very nice people. And who says that just because I go meet a guy it means something? Hello.. I just need company ok? And meeting someone new can be a little exciting and

Hectic work day today. Internal audit. New staff. Boss' boss visiting for 2 days. D&D matters yet to be settled. Daily work to be done. Busy busy busy.

Tomorrow's the Linkin Park concert I'll attend with my German and Indian colleagues. Hope it's good. I need my sleep tonight. I don't think I'll be taking any day off until the D&D is over. Let's see how I hold up.

Mr German colleague is asking me to go Bintan over a weekend in Bintan. Think it'll be a good getaway. We're just waiting for the rest of the gang to tell us if they can make it too. He says he's going back to Germany after March. Ah well... Think that's why he's playing so much. If I were him, I would too.

But I'm playing now already aren't I? And why shouldn't I?

Bizzare

That's how I'd describe my day.
And that's how I'd describe my night too.

Busy as a bee

It was another first-time experience yesterday. I finally tried roller-blading!!!

The dread set in only after I was supposed to stand up. Thankfully though, throughout the 2 hours, I managed to keep my hands and butt off the floor. It felt a bit like ice-skating - only that I really suck at skating too so.......

Patrick was there without wheels so it helped that any time I screamed his name he was there for me to grab onto. And Jassmin being familiar with ice-skating could blade with ease. Another one to grab on to. Heeheehee..

They're going again on Saturday. Not sure if I want to go though. East Coast Park is mighty far for me. Though I think Mr Biker-friend may maaaaaybe not mind sending me there... hmm... He did say he didn't mind going for a walk there. He could be my standby to grab on to... hmm... Let's see lah.

Tonight I'm going for dinner and drinks with my good ol' buddy YL and my sister. Gonna ask Mr German-colleague to go along. He's a real joy to talk to and hang out with. The more the merrier right? Funny how I have so many different groups of friends then when I want to join them together, there are so many things to consider.

But it's fun. I like doing this. I like meeting people of all sorts. Then if I think they are a match, I'll introduce the 2 worlds together. How lovely!

By the way, in case you're thinking of what movie to watch, catch "Stardust". I know I know.. it's a fairytale.. but you will not regret watching it. I was extremely skeptical before going into the theatre but I walked out a convert. Superb story. Funny, romantic and most importantly, entertaining.

Next movie I want to catch is ... for those who know me it's no surprise... BEE MOVIE! I missed Shrek 3 and that was bad enough. I absolutely cannot miss another animation.

Things seem to be moving along rather well until I dreamt of him last night. It was rather bizarre. Here's what happened:

It was as if the setting was one of those desert places in America - long straight road, diner/petrol kiosk smack the middle.
But I knew it wasn't America. It was Malaysia. I don't remember the ride there, but I remember walking with the person who supposedly rode me in. And this person the leader of the group that my ex used to hang out with from the forum sgbikes.
I walked in, saw my ex at the corner, and conveniently settled into his arms. And he just wrapped them around me.
But I knew very well we had broken up. And everyone knew that. Only when I was queueing for food, did I wonder to myself - why did I do that? Didn't we break up?
As if that was not weird enough, once I got my food, the entire group left. And my ex was the one who said it was time to move off (not because they wanted to but because something was happening and that we all had to get out of there). I don't remember why though. He just told me and went off with the rest.
The person who I rode with asked me to get out onto his bike.
The rest was a blur because I do not remember getting onto the bike, nor do I remember seeing anyone riding off nor seeing anyone else's bike. It was just strange, as with all my dreams.

Anyway, yeah, that was that. I did wake up with a slight pang of pain in my heart... knowing that I didn't have someone to hug, or hug me any more.

But like I said, I am moving along. I am keeping myself occupied with as many activities as I can, and meeting up with all the friends that I said I would meet. And to be honest, I have been enjoying myself with the company of everyone who has kept me busy! Sure, I may lose my temper once in a while, but that's usually because of any waiting or lingering which I usually find pointless... because time is precious to me. As it is to everyone actually.

Ah well. What the hell. Hope people bear with me for the time being.

I am so damn stressed up at work over the D&D. It's frustrating.... but who ask me to like organising things? sighz....

Plenty of things going on I can hardly keep track.

That's a good thing.. isn't it?

Parents are back

My parents were out of town for the whole week. They didn't know about my break-up till I sms-ed them the night before they flew back.

Now that they're at home, it's just a matter of time before my mum starts talking to me.. counselling me. You know.. stuff mothers do.

To be honest I think that would be one of the things to break me? I don't know. Even now that they're back, and Kiki is running about the house, I can feel a certain emptiness. No one watching TV with me. No one playing with Ki with me.

I know I'll get used to it, but it's something that's gonna be hard to do.

These funny feelings of nostalgia are just swimming around me. They well up once in a while, then subside when I get distracted. I was just listening to a new song "Chong3 Bai4" which means idolisation, sung by Fish Leong. The lyrics.. well.. read it.. I think most will agree it's something that describes what's going on in me.

Of course there're plenty of other songs to do that. It's just that this was the one I heard today and it struck a chord with me. No.. I didn't cry in case you're wondering. The tears are not coming .. yet. Heehee..

But the nostalgia is hitting me again. It's only been a week. But it's feeling as if it's been forever. I don't know if it's a good thing or not. Time will catch up with me. I must be strong when it does.

I went to catch Rendition with Mr German colleague. In case anyone is curious - NO, IT WAS NOT A DATE. He's a gentleman and all but hey, he's not into me, and at this point of time I really don't think I'm ready to be into anyone. Even Mr Biker.

I want to wait till people get to know me (and vice versa) before any wooing of any kind goes on. Wooing... What does it entail? I've forgotten... It's been so long ago. And when anyone wooed me, I don't ever remember any flowers or gifts. Blech. I made it too easy didn't I? Haha..

Until that begins, I shall just concentrate on finding people to have a good time with. I'm not afraid of being alone.. nor is loneliness a scary thought to me.. but having company does perk me up a lot more. It brings out the different sides in me. And only now do I realise all those sides. It's amazing. It's like each different group of people knows me as a different girl.

But really.. I'm just another girl. Deep down, the fundamentals are the same. I laugh at the same thing. Only what I talk about is different. They all know the same me. They just see different sides at different times.

Juz Another Gal.. juz_A_gal..
It's not just a nick. It's who I am.

Busy week - and more to come

Whoaaa... seriously people... didn't know all of you actually kept up with my blog. I really ought to update more often huh? Should I? Heehee.. Popular demand then update. heehee..

I don't really know what to blog about though. Perhaps I should just keep a record of what I am doing to keep myself occupied. Perhaps this may help anyone who will have to suffer like my heart - but I hope no one should ever have to go through this:

Monday - My sister asked me to accompany her to Lunar at Clarke Quay. To be honest I thought it was nice, but a pity that the bands were not as good as Dragonfly's. Nice margarita. There, she told me briefly about why she had to make the trip down (on behalf of her friend). At that point I just figured that my problem was definitely not as big as her friend's. Got back home at 2am I think?

Tuesday - A little drained at work but managed to go on. Had a "date" with a cute German colleague. Said he could bring me out for a couple of drinks. Nice place at Emerald hill. Only $15 for 2 martinis!!! We talked a lot and I had a fantastic time.

Wednesday - This was my day off. I'd been looking forward to this 'cos I wanted to sleep in, go for my facial, massage, shopping and visit my old company. Added into the itinerary since the break-up was a haircut.

But what was the most surprising thing was waking up to find out my bike-friend smsed me saying he took half a day off to accompany me! How sweet was that?!?! Girls love surprises (pleasant ones of course), and this caught me off-guard really. He landed up being my chauffeur really and I felt a little guilty about that, but I had a nice short time with him. Short because the shopping didn't take up a lot of time. And obviously when I went to see my old colleagues all he could do was wait.

I went for a long haircut + colouring (something all girls MUST do when something drastic happens to them). He didn't wait because he had to rush home. Also good. Cos the wait would have been nearly 3 hrs. I haven't eaten the whole day except for a cream puff so I went to meet Jass, Patrick and Andy at Bugis.

On the bus back, Jass told me news that saddened and shocked her. But it's her story and I shan't share. But let's just say, it is still about bgr.

Thursday - I went back to work with people commenting on my hair and it was nice being noticed. I wasn't feeling too well though. All the skipping of meals and lack of water finally caught up. I still went for a brisk walk that day. My colleagues and I all stayed for dinner and by the time we got back it was so late.

Friday - It started off with just the throat. But by the night, it was the cough that nearly killed me. I still went to meet Jass and friends for dinner. By the time Mr biker-friend turned up, it was well past midnight. It was another enjoyable ride-around. I don't know since when did I enjoy going around like that. It's more the thrill than anything, and for some reason I enjoy feeling the breeze and the excitement of moving around on one.

Plus, it's nice when the girls are so kind towards me. One thing I'd like to see one day though, is that everyone would dress a little better on tides out. Not that I'm paranoid but you can never be too careful on the roads. It'd be nice if I saw everyone in covered shoes and long pants. Makes a difference for sure.

Saturday - Officially SICK. argh. That's why I'm stuck at home. Managed to climb out of bed to pop a panadol. But the weather looks so cooling today to hang out. Ah... maybe later? heehee.. no voice still wanna go out. oops.


Mr German-colleague is going to Zouk on Wed. Asked me to go along. Maybe he asked my whole dept's ladies too. Should be fun! Think I'll meet Mr Bike-friend next Friday again for a nice ride.

I wouldn't mind a few more to go out with? No, the criteria I listed in the previous post is purely for reference only. Who the hell goes around looking for people to date with a checklist?! I think I just need to meet more people and go out more. That's all. Takes my mind off things.........

And no, I'm not limiting to the guys - though they clearly serve as better distractions. I'm not some despo trying to get myself off the shelf. I'm simply back in the dating scene and am open to meeting new people from all walks of life.

A palm reader once said I'd land up with an exotic man. Exotic being someone very different from me. I wonder... I wonder...