Why I so like dat ah?

Dearie finally brought me up to Malaysia on Saturday. We went to Kulai with a few other bikers. Yay!

The speed was amazing. Fun! Nearly snapped my head off. Had to work hard to push my head to a position that didn’t strain my neck as bad. Great experience. I can’t wait to go again. Then again, I don’t know if he’ll ever bring me again. See how lah. At most I find others to bring me in. Humph.

Anyway, I’m glad enough he decided to bring me. It’s a step forward I guess. Only thing was he didn’t seem like he was in a good mood. In fact, up to today, he still seems pretty moody. I don’t know what is really bugging him, but I know sometimes he just has such a mood swing. He’ll just feel be typically “sianz”. I hate it when it hits him. I hate it when it hits anyone around me. Or ME for that matter.

So needless to say, these few days, I didn’t get much affection. I’m disappointed. But let’s face it. We’ve been together for nearly 5 years now. I’d think it normal for a guy to eventually stop doing these things sometimes until I remind him again. I have got to get my head straight. Stop getting all emotional over silly things. I was never the type who liked the romanticising guy. I was never jaded by all the things guys did in movies to win the girl. I made that clear long ago, so I should not expect him to be that now. But sometimes, I do wish he’d just hold me…. Just because he wants to…. Hold my hand a little longer…. Simple stuff money cannot buy……

On the way back from Kulai, it rained. The pain of the rain only hit me on the knees and shoulders. It wasn’t hard to bear. What was difficult was the cold wind.

When we were back in Singapore, we all went to Cineleisure and caught a 3:45am Mr Bean movie. I was tired, but never as tired as the riders so nothing to complain about. A few of us even went for breakfast after the show.

The tiredness from that night spilled over the next few days. I think I’m still reeling from it. On Sunday night a few of us went to the Night Safari. It wasn’t exactly the best trip I had but hey, Dearie ain’t a fan yet he still went ahead with it. Probably because his buddy asked, or maybe I sounded like I wanted to go bad enough. Who knows.

We caught The Hitcher last night. My dad won free tix from The New Paper. Ain’t a fantastic show. Don’t waste your money. Hmm.. then again, Bean wasn’t that good either….

I know my post is messy, and I’d really like to tidy it up, but I guess Dearie’s sianz mood has hit me too. At least it’s not as bad as his. It’s less than 2 months away from my exams. I am still super unprepared. I have to focus on that.

What the hell is wrong with me. How come I keep pondering over my relationship when everything is really okay?! Can I really control how I feel? I used to be able to do it but why can’t I now? I used to slap people awake if they got to my stage. I used to be the one able to tell people to wake up their idea. Damn. Now it’s my turn.

Rational as I can still be, the heart doesn’t want to agree with the mind. I honestly have no idea why I feel so confused inside. So unfocused. So in need of something. Something…. What is it?

My mood swings are getting worse. Maybe because my period seems a teeny bit messed up too. Nothing is really wrong in my life. I see people with worse problems than I do. I’ve got a job, a wonderful family, a boyfriend and enough spending power to get by. In fact, I already have an offer to make the jump after June. And chances of me taking it are at 90% now.

Don’t you think I’m just finding problems out of nothing?

I think I am. I know I am.