Same ol' same ol'

Dearie doesn’t care if I meet up with guys one-on-one. It’s funny how with my ex, I wanted him not to care, and with Dearie, I want him to care so much I focus all my attention on trying to make him give it to me.

Trust me. I know how dumb it is. The more you beg for attention, the more it’ll elude you. If you do get attention, chances are, it ain’t gonna be anything good.

I just do not understand why I behave in such a ridiculous way. He needs his time to go do his guy-bonding kinda stuff. And I need my time to do my own things too. So why should it be any different? Surely I do not expect him to report every small movement to me?

What the hell is wrong with me sia. All these never mattered before. My insecurities are eating me up. Never mind. I’m occupying my time so I don’t bother about him so much. Like that then he’ll automatically come and find me. I think. Hmm…

I think I mentioned already. I met up with 2 online fellas from Wholivesnearyou.com. Glad to say these 2 seem normal enough. It’s nice to know I can call on them to meet up for a meal/drink since they stay so nearby.

Unfortunately for myself….. I have to study for my prelims. Sigh. Tonight is paper 1. Next 2 papers on Monday (yes, 2 papers in 1 day), and the last one on Wednesday. After that, it’ll be an intensive April where every weekend will be full day revision classes in school. May and June will be the FINAL exams.

Oh my goodness.. every single day I crawl closer to that day……. I just cannot wait….. I want to be able to go out any time, anywhere with anyone. I want to catch all the shows I want. I want to learn everything I want!

SO MANY THINGS I WANT! So so so little time…

I’ve been studying a bit everyday since last week. Still, tonight’s paper is going to jolt me into reality – that the little bit I do everyday is too little. I just flipped through the past year questions and realised I wouldn’t be able to fill up 1 page per question, let alone 3 pages.

Well, whatever. It’s the prelim. Good enough that I’m going to try.

Did you feel the earth shake yesterday? I only felt the second tremor. A slight vibration. Interesting!!! Why I didn’t feel the first one? I was on the ground floor. Couldn’t tell the earth shook.

Oh oh. I finally went into my Friendster account after a really really really long time. Damn, I had a 2005 photo in there as my primary photo. Updated it at long last.

Sigh. A lot of work to do lately. Never ending pile.

As for band.. it’s come to a standstill. Our wonderful alma mater doesn’t seem to bother if we exist or not. Issues need to be settled, but we can only do that a little later. It’ll be quite a battle. Very tough on the current president. But never mind. All of us old birds behind to hold up, I’m sure all of us can do it together!

Every time I think about life after June, I’m so happy about the freedom. But I also cannot help but remember it is the time when Dearie will need to find a full-time job. It’ll be a time for me to see how he fares. All he can think of now is saving enough to do all the things he wants: lasik, Yamaha R6, etc etc… Nothing wrong with that. Not like I don’t have my own plans.

Next year, this time, I’ll be asking again what he sees in the future for the 2 of us. If he is unable to give me a reply as to whether he hopes to see us eventually settle down by XX (age), then………. I’m not asking for a firm answer. Just some form of indication he has thought of it, and is planning mentally, emotionally and financially for it.

Anyway, that is for next year lah. No point thinking about it now. Just enjoy what I have I guess. And mug mug mug for the damn bloody exams.

I HATE TO STUDY.

I HATE EXAMS.