The root of my depression
Happy CNY peeps.
Today's my 1st day of visiting. His place, his grandma's place, his other grandma's place.
Afer that it's St James. If anyone happens to be there, u can call me.
Still sianz during this period. Wait. Sianz isn't the right word. Feels more like depressed.
To think that it all arises from my feelings towards him. Just one person. I don't want to turn into my ex. I'm being really careful about that. But it can be extremely frustrating when he tries to avoid my questions or just refuse to answer them. No matter how small they seem. It makes me wonder a lot - he cannot even tell me small things, what makes me think he will ever tell me anything else?!??!?!?!
I am angry. Irritated. Disappointed. Saddened.
It is going to be a trying period for me. A testing one for him. It's not like I'm deliberately creating tests for him.. but seriously, I need to think about how this relationship is moving. I need to deeply consider whether this is really the person I'm meant to be with.
I'm giving him UP TO one year. Within this one year anything can happen. If he continues to be this elusive about everything........ then I'm sorry. It'll probably never work out.
What's a relationship if we can't even speak freely to each other??? Communication is so vital yet it seems to be somewhat lacking.
Funny how I cannot seem to bring myself to tell him about this one-year deadline I'm giving him (and myself). It's just something I've set on my own. But I do think most gals have such timelines in their head. I'm pretty certain I ain't the first.
His mysteriousness... elusiveness... avoidence... That is probably precisely what gives my trust in him the quivers. If he thinks its cute, sure. Maybe to others. But to me, it's just the starting point of reconsidering this relationship.
I love him, but what's the use?
6 Comments:
you can't love others if you don't love yourself.
Stay strong! =D
Yah, You Should Love Yourself First Den Love Him More.
Although I'm A Good Fren Of Him Lah, But I Also Duno What He's Doing Lor.
He's Still Too Playful To Settle Down I Guess. He Still Doesn't Know How To Think And The Best Thing Is He " Gong Buay Tia " One.
Like What You Have Said, Give Him A Period Of Time To Prove Himself Bah, If Not Den Decide On What You Should Do Bah.
Yes, love yourself first. Time to think for yourself already..
Sometimes a couple stay on long is because they're too used to each other already. Somehow, the kind of feeling where they first started is fading.. Another thing is '舍不得放下'..
So, i guess we cannot pamper our partner at the initial stage of the relationship. If not, they will definately take it for granted.
I think u already 'test' him for quite long le ba... ??
要拿的起，放得下!
If he doesn't want to change and insists on clinging on to his "mysterious" "secretive" ways like he's got something to hide from you, then maybe you should move on in your life and enjoy your singlehood again. Of course it hurts, but to find out the truth eventually about what he's been hiding you from, would probably cut and hurt you even deeper.
Well, I do love myself a lot. Probably not enough to pamper myself as much, but I certainly do take care of myself pretty well.
I'm trying to make sure I'm not growing too dependent on him. To be as independent from any guy as possible.
Blueapple: I know the feeling of staying together only 'cos can't bear to. This relationship is not that type. I hope to think he feels like I do.
I am still enjoying myself with him very much. At this point of my life it would be a choice between bread and love.
But I know I can get bread on my own. He just needs to shower the love. :O)
Treat him like shit then maybe he'll start appreciating u... Just a suggestion.. =)
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