All jumbled up

Why I love until so xin ku ah? I don’t understand.
Is it my lack of understanding about biking? I’m trying very hard to learn as much as I can about it.
He said his friend has him to go on track. I know it’s not safe, and he knows it too, that’s why he is putting it off till after the exams.

One day I’ll go take a look. With or without him. I’m sure it would not be a problem to find someone to bring me along. Not that I look good, but just the fact that I’m female has its advantages. And I’ll exploit this fact. I need some biker friends too, so I can better understand this whole thing. Hopefully it’ll expand my social circle also sia.

Perhaps I’m only worried about his safety. I still find it odd. Super 4 on track? It should look out of place with all the other sports bikes.

Anyway, whatever. I’m learning to do what I used to do: let him go, and he’ll come back on his own. It is extremely key to a relationship, and it was what I had always advocated. Till this biking thingy.

I seriously don’t get what’s the big deal. Why am I split into 2 persons? I feel like I have one half of me saying that it’s his passion, and I should be glad he has a passion in the first place – ‘cos I believe everyone needs one. The other half of me is saying that I’ll take second place to this passion of his, and eventually he’ll meet someone with the same passion and be taken away from me.

This is just one of the many daily conflicts in me. I’m very confused. The heart and mind just don’t want to listen to each other. So irritating. I can rationalise everything on my own. No need some psychiatrist to analyse for me. And yet I still feel like crap sometimes.

At least as a consolation, I know what the conflicts I have within me. I am able to identify them. And I am trying to deal with them one by one, bit by bit. It just does not make sense for one to be so possessive to expect him to introduce every female he gets to know – online or in person. Nor expect him to avoid mixing with females at all costs. Why the hell am I turning into my ex? I just will not stand myself doing that. It makes absolutely no sense.

Love is not about possessing the person. It’s to let the person go be happy, and knowing at the end of the day, he/she still will come back. I mean, I’m enjoying this freedom now, why shouldn’t it be extended to him? Grrrrrrr… what is happening to me ah?

My life has to stop revolving around him. I soooo need a life of my own. Independent of his.

I know all these are rather repetitive. I just need an avenue to let these out before I go nuts. I don’t have photos of Kiki with me on my office compy so photos of ME will have to do. Haha!


These were taken yesterday after a small company BBQ I organised. And that’s me in my expensive (S$50 IS expensive ok?!) cheongsam-styled dress cum top. Go work mah, cannot wear as dress.
[Me and attachment student]


[Me and colleague who drank quite a bit before the photo]


[I just had to snap one to show off what I'm wearing. Milk it to the max.]

Look nice bah? I bet I didn’t smell as nice. By the way, I'm referring to my taste in clothes. I know I not pretty enough so no need to comment on that part. Didn't help that this was snapped after a day of running about. And nope, I don't wear make-up to work. If you wanna meet up, this is as good as I'll look. haha!