Love & guilt

It sucks when you feel like you're treating your home like a hotel. It really does.

I am out so often - and I'm not saying I am not enjoying myself when I'm out - I am just filled with guilt everytime I do go home.

I know I know. The only way to NOT feel so guilty is simply to go out less, and stay home more. But then, most weekdays I'm in the office - not that I don't want to go home, I just can't really do it as early as I wish.

And for the other days, yeah, I know, I spend it all out with my friends, and of course, a whole lot with my boyfriend.

Time spent with him is absolutely amazing. At least for the past few weekends, it has felt like going on a weekend getaway each time. Maybe this is the "honeymoon period" that all relationships go through at the start. But this "honeymoon" is seriously like no other. Generally, my estimate is that it lasts 3 months, because after that is when the veil of love lifts, and you start to see more into the person than you usually would if you were simply going out with him as a friend. For this special one, well, let's see. :O)

But I'd like to think we're quite open in communicating right now. At least open enough to be able to say what we think, but maturely with the care and understanding that we are not out to offend or hurt each other. Simply to tell each other what we think.

I hope it continues to stay this mature. He treats me like a lady - as he always has, and to all ladies actually - and sometimes, I have to make sure I remember that I cannot get used to this wonderful treatment. I am human after all. Once you get a taste of sweetness, it's hard to go back, but to upkeep it is very tiring so I must remember not to always expect it, but to appreciate whatever comes.

I'm so in love again. It's hard to believe it, but I am. It's such a warm and fuzzy feeling when you know you are loved back by that person. Amazingly, no one has said it's too quick. No one has even suggested he's a rebound.

And I'm glad because he's not.

There are so many times he makes me feel like a princess. Behind all of my practicality and pragmatism, I have always been just another girl. Just a girl in fact.

Of course I have always secretly dreamt of being romanced, doing all the mushy romantic things, and all that jazz. Somehow it has always been surpressed by myself simply by convincing that it doesn't exist.

I've been proven wrong. Sure, it may or may not last, but whatever I have experienced, and who knows, maybe might continue to experience for a bit more, is simply a dream come true already.

I'm keeping my feet firmly on the ground and staying as truly realistic I can be about everything. I am still the same old me.

I do not need flowers. I do not need gifts. All I need is attention and affection. Really. At the end of the day, that's all that really matters.

Thank you all for the well wishes and for all the kind words to keep me sane when I was trying so hard not to fall in love with someone I already fell for.

Lichen: Maciam watching some drama show and after dragging for so many episodes, finally got some sort of result hor?

Jingxian: nothing to congratulate lah. not as if i getting married wor. but thanks. nice to know you're actually checking updates here. made me write this post actually. heehee!

Jass: yup yup. enjoying them while they last.

Chang: No longer a secret. heehee.. out in the open liaoz. it was not predictable wor. we're not channel 8 or TVB actors. no script to follow one. it's definitely a lot more than what I scribble here. :O)

Linda: thanks gal....

Zhehong: yes yes. I was always referring to Mr-German-Colleague-turned-boyfriend. He was the one I missed, and the one I was not supposed to be thinking of or getting too close to. So much for all that. Now we're even closer than before. It's indeed very nice and fuzzy all around.

Ok. Think you readers should be drowning from the sweetness. Allow me to save you from that and end this post then.

I will write again soon I hope. I have lots to say but not as much time to write. The title is really quite an irony in itself. Those who know the full story will understand why I say so. How this love and guilt has always been such an entanglement - and how it has evolved into its different form now (as mentioned in the first few para). Happy deciphering.

On a totally different note altogether, let me just say: GO AND WATCH KUNGFU PANDA! Heeheehee..

Anyone have things you want me to update you on, feel free to ask ok? I'm sorry I can't meet up with everyone as often as I'd like, but rest assured I always keep you in mind and will fix up a date with you very soon.

*Love is in the air... lalala*