Celebrating the New Year (Part 2)

Warning: VERY long post

1st January 2006 (Sunday)
My mum knocked the door loudly to wake Dearie and me up. We were to go and visit Clarence (pig’s bf) because he had injured his leg. He was resting at home.

Shortly after, Ki wobbled in, and you know with that little boy in the room, no one will get any sleep. I got up and played with him and went to have my breakfast. Dearie soon had to wake up when Ki went “Uncle wake up”. You can’t resist that.

Ki was more chatty that morning. He was trying to be as close as possible with us. He knew we were sending him back to his mama’s place soon. Smart little boy fell asleep on the car but wailed when we reached his mama’s place. His mama carried him. It took a while before he quietened down. We all waved goodbye. Ki was sad, but it was going to be just for the moment. He must spend more time with his mummy.

We set off to Clarence’s place. It was as if we were there to visit my sister too. Even Dearie said we were talking like it was a Chinese New Year visit session. Clarence seemed fine except for the bandage on his ankle. Apparently the wound was so deep you could see white. He didn’t see how many stitches he was given. He didn’t want to know either.

After getting back home, Dearie and I took a nice nap. We set the alarm for 5:30pm to meet his ex-colleagues for dinner. The plan was to meet at Cityhall, Citylink.

The alarm sounded at 5:30pm. I don’t remember which was first – the alarm or the call from Bladey. I seldom ignore calls from people I know, but I was just too damn sleepy to answer. Had I answered, I’d have fallen asleep right after. No point. So I went back to sleep. Luckily he call Dearie.

Anyway, the sky was a very scary looking dark grey at 5:30pm. Dearie said to go back to sleep. I did. We woke up at 6pm. The storm had started. It slammed the pig’s room door and the wall frame cracked. I saw my mum repair it with some special paint and I drifted back to sleep. The next time we awoke was 7:05pm. Oops. The appointment was for 6:30pm.

Dearie lay around the bed till 7:30pm and decided not to go for the gathering. I was actually looking forward to doing some shopping there, but the rain was a real turn off. Shopping can be done any time anyway. After all, I had put off revamping my wardrobe for at least half a year. What’s another weekend?

Dearie had a sore throat, but still finished the char kuay teow dinner my mummy bought. Heehee.. We watched Haunted Mansion on Star Movies and during that, I got a call from YL to meet at Central Mall at 9:30pm. Luckily I told Dearie, ‘cos I was still thinking in my mind that Central Mall was at Mohd Sultan. What the hell… My brain was screwed around during the thunderstorm.

9pm. It stopped raining. Dearie gave me a lift there. Wasn’t up for a night out. I wanted to shop or sleep, but meeting up with friends I don’t usually turn down. Off I went. Dearie was sleepy and ill, but sent me there. Once I said bye and asked him to go home and rest, the glint in his eye said that he was feeling better already and was poised for a night of gaming. Ah. Right. Sleepy and ill.

Bladey, YL, pig, Clarence and myself went to this KTV pub called Haven’s. He wanted to finish up a bottle of whiskey there. While there, we played cards and unfortunately, I didn’t get much of a chance to sing. If not for the long wait for our table’s turn, I may just prefer singing in big halls.

Too bad for me, I was getting hit by a “firing squad”. That’s what Bladey called it. It meant being the target of attack by more than one person verbally. I was IT. From dressing to make-up, from hair to shoes. I hardly had any make-up on (YL said 9:30pm, and when I said 10pm, she said NO.) so I put on foundation, blush and turned up. I was in a t-shirt like top and a denim skirt. I obviously had no intention to dress like I was chiong-ing ‘cos I was not. In fact, I did feel I looked real good dressed in that simple outfit. More so than in more flamboyant pieces I can’t carry off properly.

But what I was made to feel from YL and the pig was I was simply not doing good enough in the image department. Sure, I’m not oblivious to how I look you know? They said things like how I should get more clothes, wear less of the same thing over, get more shoes, pamper myself with getting my hair done, etc.

I would’ve liked to defend myself, but I didn’t. Remember how I said I react very slowly? Yes. I only react after I’ve absorbed everything in and thought it through. In this case, I absorbed, and was thankful for the darkness of the pub because my eyes were welling up. There’s only so much my self-esteem and take. The moisture didn’t make it out of my eyes, and lucky for me, I’m not much a fan for alcohol so I didn’t drown myself in it either.

What I did feel, and I did tell YL later, was that firstly, I didn’t feel a need to dress up for work. I want to be recognised for my abilities at work than looking good. Of course it’ll help on the whole, but my line of work – and the colleagues I am surrounded with – is not the same as the media industry or most other industries really. I dress myself up a few times a year when I go to work, but usually only if I have appointments for later that night. During those times they see that I can be pretty – but only if I want to. I come to work for work, not for a fashion show.

I am also probably the one who also preached about not wearing the same outfit with the same group of friends. I am not a fashion idiot. I was one of the first ones who started going to Orchard regularly after secondary school. I know what are the mistakes and what looks good on myself. I may not always be adventurous because that is who I am. I will keep my dressing conservative but every so once in a while, I’ll do something special and attempt my hand at glam or wacky. I have no intention to be pretty all the time because it is tiring. I don’t need to turn heads. I never have. My sister is a whole lot prettier than I am. She’s always been in the limelight of guys. Her personality appeals to them too. I am not her. I do not wish to have a string of guys at my tail. I already have 1 – and I am very happy with that. I don’t toy with people’s feelings. I don’t pull them along for a joy ride.

Shoes. Why don’t I spend more money on my shoes? Because I am not rich. I do not wish to have 20 pairs of shoes at home and spend half an hour figuring out which one I want to wear. I want to have a few good looking, comfortable pairs and hope to wear them till they snap. 10 pairs would amount to about $400.

Clothes. I have long had an obsession with them. I always love shopping for clothes, and I have been meaning to the whole half a year but I never really felt the urge to buy much yet. I just pick up a couple of tops here and there. Not like a lot of people ask me out. I’m boring. Fine. Twice a year I go for a little spree – end/beginning of year and mid-year. I don’t pick out much, but enough to make me happy for a while. I also know where to get stuff within my budget and will fit me snugly. I do not go to Mango and Zara because those clothes usually don’t fit me in size or in personality.

Make-up. Never had much of a passion for it, but light make-up to cover my flaws is usually enough. So I’ll try to plaster my face up more when I go out with this gang. When I’m out with Dearie and I don’t want him to lose face introducing me to his friends, yes, I will doll up. It’s all a stage ain’t it?

Hair. Probably only Dearie knows but I’ve been thinking of dying my hair for the past couple of months. He says it’s only for people with too much time and says I don’t need to. I probably will after the exams. I’ll see about it. I’m due for a haircut soon anyway. Damn fringe is getting on my nerves.

Accessories. I have A LOT in my cupboard. All gifts. I only wear a selected few. That’s because I like them more. Or they mean something to me.

Bags. I think I started the obsession with bags before I progressed to clothes. I remember stepping into Elle and browsing Chantal Thomass and JPG at Charrier. I’m no ah lian because I didn’t have the makes of one, but they always looked good and had the best looking bags, so when you don’t have anything you can wear to school but your uniform, you turn to bags. I was prudent with my money even back then, but still had enough money for a small Elle bag and a JPG pouch (which I still use today. My best buy.). I prefer bags that have a brand to them because they last longer. Till I learnt that some cheaper bags can last just as long, so I bought no-brand bags instead. Like shoes, I try to make them last as long as possible. I have a few for different occasions and make sure they’re practical enough (and not just enough for a lip gloss and credit card type).

I embrace the fact that I am female and I love the privileges it comes with. Still, I prefer to keep my focus on the inside-me which I have so much more to improve than on the outside. Sure, clothes and make-up can make me a much more confident person than I am now, but trust me, if I need to confidence, I’ll know what to do. I’m not stupid. I didn’t get this far in life not knowing how to live it. I dare say I’m happy with my family life, love life, work life. Almost contented – but leaving that little space so I can continue to work hard and make it even better to make sure I don’t slack and take things for granted.

Anyway, the debate on beauty stopped somewhere and we got on with playing cards. Bladey said we should go shop together because he needed the revamp too. Oh well. It was nice to get a reminder for the both of us I guess.

Oh, and before we left Haven’s, I asked Bladey about the foreign workers at Orchard. He said he had to walk behind his female friends who had to cover their fronts while spray wars took place everywhere – and that the foreign workers were always ready to grab any girls, or purses, in reach. I confirmed that the previous night with Edwin’s sister. She said she’d seen it happen before, but from a distance. To think I only knew about this from Xiaxue’s blog. Thank goodness I never had the chance to go to those crowded places for any countdowns. And now I am only doubly sure that I won’t ever want to.

Nope, we didn’t head home. We left for Boat Quay, Eskibar. I know I know. I suaku. Never go before. What to do? I don’t like drinking. I prefer singing. Is that supposed to be wrong too?

Anyway, the cold air made my hair stand instantly when the doors opened. I ran through to the end where the empty seats were. I wasn’t the only one who was freezing. Bladey was suffering from the cold worse than me. And I was the one wearing the short skirt!

The jackets came quickly enough and we all laughed at how we paid to freeze our asses off. We humans truly are a funny bunch. Still, we had a lot of fun. Clarence had a ball of a time making Bladey, YL and I drink. You can never win that guy at any five-ten or card game. Argh. They said that the cold doesn’t make one feel as tipsy indoors, but stepping out of the place will make you feel a rush of heat and he effects of alcohol will be full-blown there.

Don’t know how true but I wasn’t going to risk it. I was already tipsy inside. Bladey was obviously on par with me by then. We had our limits so we decided to stop at this happy point of time and head for supper. Definitely not my idea to have supper but hey, I go where my friends go. Heehee… We landed up at the much-raved (by Dearie) Sin Hoi San.

I wasn’t hungry to I nibbled at the food. Didn’t get seafood ‘cos Clarence was still injured. Bladey and I were feeling steadier by then. That was a very good thing.

Then the next debate came up – the responsibility of a guy. Somehow I was the target of the firing squad again but this time (was it the alcohol?) I made my stand clear. They said I should call Dearie down and ask him to send me back.

My reaction: WHAT?!

There is no logic in asking my boyfriend come all the way down at 3am when it is cold and dark, just to pick me up and drop me off at home. Hello?! I cannot go home myself is it?! If he was with me, sure, I would expect him to drop me off because I’m on the way. He already went out of his way to send me to Central Mall earlier. Why make him leave his house and come out in the middle of the night to send me back? I really think a taxi would be a lot more practical. And faster too.

YL said she would not mind going out of the way to pick up whoever and then send her home. Bladey had the same sentiments. My pig of a sister, being the princess, has a string of guys who will be dying to send her home. Much as it has been my lifelong “dream” to have a chauffeur, I do not want to have my vehicle a motorcycle. It is cold at night, not to mention dangerous and certainly not as comfortable as a taxi.

Dearie wouldn’t want to do it either. I mean, I could call him and ask him to and he would, but both of us just don’t think it’s practical. Then it came to the point where they said I didn’t need to say it out, just say “I’m done with supper. Ready to go off.”

Ooh. Here comes the guessing game. That line is supposed to invoke the reply from The Boyfriend, “So where do I pick you up?” If my memory didn’t fail me, they said guys feel honored to send the girl home. ?!?! OKAYYYY…

Back to the guessing game. As much as I am starting to sound like a guy, I do play that guessing game too, but knowing Dearie’s type, he won’t get it, so no point. I still do it sometimes. I think it’s a girl’s nature. But I feel that if there is something you want, ask for it directly. Unless you’re making the hint mighty obvious.

The guessing game can be fun, because you get to throw tantrums at the guy – and he won’t even know for what reason. Heehee! I admit. I am all girl inside me. I am over-sensitive to everything – either taking things too positively or negatively. I sometimes say things by playing with my words, letting them guess what I may mean. I can slip in hints to lead Dearie to what I want to get out of him. All these tricks, not say I don’t know. Trust me. If I need to use them, I will. To get Dearie to send me back? Sorry ah. I still choose Mr Taximan.

If Dearie needs to prove how important I am to him, he has other ways of showing that. Either I am reading too deeply into his actions, or that I am right. Dearie doesn’t have the money to pamper me with all the nice gifts I would like, but he makes it up with what he can give.

Girls love flowers, fast cars and jewellery – but what money cannot bring you is the time and effort of a guy to bring that smile to the girl’s face, that twinkle in her eyes.

[Wow. This is a mighty long post. If it seems a little jerky, it could be because it is pieced together along the day as I add on bit by bit.
This is my diary and it is to remember my feelings at a particular point of time in my life. I hope they contribute to making me continue to grow and learn as a person. My reflections shall help me continue to explore myself and teach me what I may not discover otherwise.]

Final instalment Part 3 will be up soon.