Study, damn it, study!

Don't you hate to study? I do. I hate it to the core. I absolutely cannot stand it. Yet here I am reprimanding myself for not studying. I'm not doing the assignments I'm supposed to (although they do not count towards the degree). Neither am I reading the stuff I'm supposed to.

How ironic then, that I actually feel so pissed off that Dearie is not studying hard enough. Sure. He has been going for his lessons so far, but he did say (before the start of this study term) that he'd make it a point to go to school and read up everyday.

In the end he lands up working almost everyday of the week. I know how tough it is because I did that when I was in poly. After 2 months of holding 2 jobs and full-time studies, I got my priorities right and made studies come first. I didn't do particularly well, but like my aim always was - I managed to get my cert.

I do not expect him to have the same goals as me, but even then, since he himself is the one particular about the quality of his certificate (he wants better class honours), then why the hell is he not putting the effort to commensurate it???

He claims he is poor so he needs to work more. Eh. Don't buy so many toys won't be so poor liao. So poor then want to change bigger bike some more. This bigger bike is the father going to pay for it also anyway. His current bike still not paid up fully TO ME. And yes, it's still a hefty 4 figure sum.

I know that after work, all one wants to do is to unwind. If there is no time to study, I say make time for it. Work a day less, read a day's worth more.

Maybe I'm just comparing myself to him. Something I cannot help doing. Or maybe it's that when I see him, I see a very happy NOW, but a very foggy future. He never seems to put in enough effort to get what he really wants. And I don't mean silly material things but long term goals like a degree and full time work. You want a good degree, you work hard now so you reap the rewards later.

All I want is the stupid piece of paper. I couldn't care less about how it looks like on the results slip.

Like what YL was telling me: self-actualisation needs. Mine are very simple really. My job is simply a paycheque to me. I enjoy it. I love it. But at the end of the day, it's all about the salary. I take it home, and I want to do something meaningful with it - and THERE'S where those needs come in. I want to make people happy. I want to continue to enjoy my little solitary interest in music. My salary pays for these. And then of course the extras go to superficial stuff like clothes clothes and more clothes.

Anyway, I've vented enough here for now. I can't spur him much since the more I do, the more I sound like his mother. Super naggy. I guess I should just not say a word. I'll just do my part and study what I can. I dare not say "no time" for studies since it'll be a blatant lie. If I said "no time", then how come I can watch the following shows every week?

America's Next Top Model, Little Britain, Everybody Hates Chris, Everybody Loves Raymond, Prison Break, My Wife And Kids, CSI NY Miami AND Las Vegas, Criminal Minds, Project Runway, etc...

Worse - what do I do during weekends? I tell myself I unwind from the sudden surge of work at the office. But really, no one needs to unwind for both Saturday and Sunday. The entire day. Sure, Ki takes up a big part of Saturdays, but like I told Dearie, one has to make time to study. It's all about time management. I'm managing it well - but I'm coming up with too many excuses to tell myself to do something else. ANYTING else. Heck I'd clean the entire house, cook, wash, etc just to get away from studying.

Yes, I hate it that much. Please please please let me get my degree. I am soooo going to have to do my readings. Otherwise no amount of praying would get me through.

Now.. to put these words to action.. hmm........