Juz Another Gal

I'm engaged. :)

2011-05-30T13:28:00.001+08:00

Yes. It is true.
I still am letting it sink in but.. I can't believe I now have a ring on my finger and have a fiancé.

It's an incredible feeling.

I'm so so so happy.
I'm so so so in love.

:O)

Spouting my random thoughts..

2011-04-27T14:49:00.001+08:00

Do you have that voice in your head that is constantly there no matter where you are or what you are doing? I do. And as much as it can be entertaining to let my thoughts run wild, it can sometimes be really annoying.

That voice narrates my life, debates with me, creates scenarios for me to play out in my head... But I know once I write about them, they disappear! So here goes...

1) Do u have a will? Obviously I don't. Don't have enough asses to qualify for one maybe but I always wondered how I would divide up the little I have...
First I'd set aside a nice comfy sum for Kaze, the flute ensemble. So it could hold a small concert and perhaps sustain itself with more music and who knows, instruments!
Then of course to my boyfriend, who could probably do something useful with it.
But the majority would go to my parents cos I think not only would they know what to do with it (charity, etc) they probably would need it more than anyone else.

2) Marriage. This is something that has been only mind quite a lot - seeing how there are so many weddings to attend this year.
Saying I don't want to get married would be one huge fat lie. But saying it's a necessity would be pushing it. Because seriously, do I need that assurance of that certificate?

Honestly, no.

I'm in such a happy and, dare I say, fairly contented time of my life that it would truly be a bonus if it happens but if not, I do not see any loss. If my bf wanted to be with me, I should not need a certificate to make him stay. Besides we are already staying together and taking on our responsibilities to one another.

But of course it's more than that isn't it?

From the proposal, the excitement, the telling friends and family and ultimately, the ceremony and honeymoon.... I think that is what all girls want to experience. At least that's what I think. And I still have time in my life to dream of it.

As long as people stop bugging me about it. It's not the girl's choice if she wants to "settle down"... Go ask the guy! I mean, don't pls, else it'll be another bf scared away. Haha...

3) Along the same line of marriage, I was listening (and at the table) to 2 girls talking about expectations on engagement rings.

It is not the first time I heard of talk on diamond rings but I'm sorry, I just simply CANNOT agree with what girls sometimes expect.

I am assuming this applies only to the ladies working in the banking industry for I have not had this discussion with anyone outside of it.

3 times the salary of the guy is the EXPECTED MINIMUM price for an engagement ring to a girl. What the hell?!?!?! What a bloody waste of money lah! Do you know what I can do with 3 times my salary?! Buy biz class tix to Europe ah!!!

I can't even tell the difference between a crystal, fake diamond and a real one. It's nice to have of course but isn't it the surprise of it all that is supposed to take the girl's breath away? Wouldn't you marry him anyway just because you want to spend the rest of your life with this person?

Strange people in banking sometimes. I don't subscribe to it one bit. Some of them are so jaded by the high salaries, branded shoes and bags, far away holidays... Don't they realize how luxurious these pleasures are? I'm glad I wasn't always in banking - cos I understood what it meant to bring home less than $2k a month and yet be happy with the things I had.

There. That's just a whole loa of stuff I was randomly thinking about today. I'll write about other stuff when it hits my brain.

Oh. There is one more thing I could write about. I had an article in my head just the other day on taxis in Singapore. Next blog post I guess. Muahaha!!!

For the time being, it's one week to my birthday....... :)

Hello again :O)

2011-02-16T23:52:00.001+08:00

It has been years (almost) since I've clicked onto this website. For some reason I just decided to check back here and cringe at what I wrote a very long time ago.

I wonder how many people would still check back here after blogging pretty much got phased out by Facebook and Twitter.

I miss the fun of writing - ok, so it's more like typing - but still, it's the joy of being able to put my feelings across in words since I truly suck at it when spoken. There are so many things I would like to touch on and yet I don't know where to start. I figured I just needed to ramble somewhere, so where better to do so than on a space that I call my own!

To anyone who is interested at all, I don't think I should be complaining about my life at all. My parents are well, my boyfriend is still as sweet, my health isn't tip-top but good enough, I've got no shortage of outings with friends and financially I am meeting all payments punctually and have no debts. My current job (no longer in Deutsche Bank by the way) is way different from being a secretary but allows me to get home in time to do the housework, cook and even watch some tv after that.

It's only February but I have already been to Club Med Cherating and Batam, watched the Rocky Horror Picture Show and Carmen at the Esplanade, watched Janet Jackson and Taylor Swift live at the indoor stadium, been on a day yacht trip and will be catching Kumar and Michael Buble in the coming month.

Needless to say, that also means I did not have a lot of time for my German class which is now on Saturday mornings.... I also have not touched my flute in 2 months and worse, I haven't tried to do any new arrangements at all! But that being said, since we haven't performed anything I've done lately (cos we didn't have any chance to perform them) I guess that's ok. Gosh.. I miss being on the stage.

Seriously, isn't my life awesome???

And yet, when the evil PMS (or at least I am assuming this is what it is) hits, I have that feeling that I am missing something. Suddenly, all the things that I want and don't have become enlarged and thrown in my face. It is a very strange feeling indeed because I realise these attacks have started coming at me randomly lately.

Completely ungrounded and unjustified pangs of emptiness.

I think it is my body's hormones. I honestly think so. It explains my strangely ferociously itchy scalp (which thankfully my hairdresser managed to recommend something that has sort of cured it for now).... and then my facial skin became so ridiculously dry and sensitive that I don't dare to put anything on my face other than that layer of aloe vera (I still need a solution for this)....

I suppose blogging is still a good outlet for me. Good that I set this up years back......

Good to remind me that my life is fantastic as it is and I should be contented!!! I only pity my bf who has to put up with it.

I've been watching loads of Glee. As much as the storyline (which pretty much revolves around everyone rotating dating partners) is not fantastic, the cast's singing and dancing is enough to get me hooked. If my life were to have a soundtrack, I wonder what songs you would find on it..... Some broadway, some chinese pop, some oldies..... It would such a wonderful kaleidescope of different types and themes...... a song for every occasion and emotion.

I wonder....

Time to fly

2009-10-01T14:26:00.002+08:00

The time has come again for my annual long haul trip - and this time it's using up my year's savings. Italy and Germany (for obvious reasons) will start tonight.

And with that, my disappearing act again, but that's not new any more huh? I love to write but there's sometimes just no time to do so. I land up facebook-ing instead.

My good friend Zhenlin will have flown to London by the time I'm back and I won't be able to see her till probably 3 years later. Time just keeps flying by...

For those who saw my FB updates, yes, I was working at the F1 event as my bank had some corporate seats for clients. Needless to say, plenty of photos were uploaded there... One of which is now my profile photo!

Work has not been the easiest to handle.. changes never are. My attitude towards it remains the same - I do what I have to, and take on what I can. At the end of the day, it's just work. It may be frustrating at times, but that's just work.

I know people who are complaining alot abt theirs (as in my colleagues), and they really do have it much worse than whatever I experience so I remind myself that I'm already very lucky. If only I could explain in details, but can't, so I'll leave it as that.

Above it all, my personal life is what matters and I am happy to say that I am still very much in love and feeling just as loved.

My life has been so blessed, and I continue to be thankful for each day and each nice person I meet in my way.

Now, what made me blog today? It was reading through Elvina's post that made me want to say something. And also with reference to her post before that.

Relationships are hard. That's a given. But if there's one thin I have learnt from my current r/s, it's that being very open and upfront in the beginning of it all really helps a great deal.

Perhaps we were simply given the opportunity to bring up these topics, but before we got together, we spoke about our past relationships and what we liked and did not like in them. We came up with scenarios and played around with the ideas, what-ifs, and how our preferences would change to situations.

With that, our expectations were laid. No doubt you could never go through every possible situation, but that understanding has allowed us to still be happily attached to one another.

Sure, sacrifices will need to be made - but I also think it has to be from both sides. If only 1 sacrifices all the time, and is forced to always swallow and conform, something is not right. And more so if the partner is oblivious.

More sacrifices need to be made in a r/s that crosses cultures, and a lot of patience in learning and adapting is required. As much as it is frustrating to teach an ang moh about Chinese superstitions and traditions, it is also a big step when accepting how ang moh's live on alcohol and bread as a staple. Yes, FYI, I CANNOT eat bread for every meal everyday. I'll go nuts.

Anyway, that's besides the point. To us, it's still a funny thing poking fun at each other's culture, but learning to come to terms with it. There are just so many examples I don't know where to start.

About that post on The Ugly Truth.... Yes. Men are visual creatures. We women learn the art of flirting and dress up in ways that make men turn. We like that. Whether or not you admit it, every girl secretly enjoys it.

But at the end of the day, do you just want to hook the guy for a night, or are you looking for something more? Different forms of attraction come into play. The flirting is still a must-do, but there are so so so many ways of doing it. And each move would trigger a different kind of arousal of interest from the other party.

I admit that sex is a big part of a relationship. As in being physically attractive. I do not mean one should be of a 34-24-32 svelte figure to be attractive. But there should be a confidence radiating through. Sure they are visual, but if that's the only thing that attracts a man to a woman, everyone's r/s would be a ONS.

Both men and women have their ways of playing this game of catch. It's been going on for centuries and although times and trends change, the basics remain.

Flirting is an art that needs practice to perfect. And it needs a willing audience to be the participant to work.

After all that chasing, then comes the hard work...

Relationships can be complicated things. But I don't like them when they are. Perhaps that's why I do not like love stories. You can always break down something to it's simple form. If there's a problem - SOLVE IT.

It's not the easiest, and there never is a real handbook. But it's what we all yearn for... to love and be loved in return.

I'm happy that I am now at that stage of my life...
and with that, I take off to my first stop - the genuine Oktoberfest - tonight.

Super neglected

2009-09-04T22:21:00.000+08:00

Wow.. this space indeed has grown plenty of cobwebs. *shudder*

I'm now blogging from my home in Clementi. It's been so long since I've actually come home to eat!!!!! yum yum..

It's Friday night, so of course I'm going off again out there somewhere. haha! No lah. just meet YL... Haven't seen her long than I haven't uploaded this space.

Living with MK has been fantastic. I love it.

But September marks something even more special - it's the day I leave my team and venture into something more "exciting". I've gotten transferred out and now assist the COO. In other words, I'm now the assistant to someone of a higher position.

NO I DO NOT EARN MORE.

But it is a lot more stressful, and I do think that in the long run, it will probably be great for the resume. Let's see..

I'll be going to Europe in a month's time. WOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Italy here I come!!!! And I'll be at the REAL Oktoberfest too!!!!!!!!!

No snow this time, but that just means I don't need to put on so many layers - which is good!!!

I'm going to see a different side to Germany. This is going to be so exciting. My second trip to Europe. I can already feel the joy of going on holiday. I absolutely can't wait.

It's a pity I didn't help MK much in the planning. Sigh. Feel so bad about that. But I told myself I'll devote time and effort in reading some travel books to make sure I can appreciate where I'm going to! I've got to!

Time to leave Clementi... and to sign off... I miss being at home with Mummy and Daddy, but I'm also glad to have MK beside me when I wake up everyday.

Well... can't ask for everything can you? Haha!

Still... I dare say, I AM HAPPY. :O)

phew

2009-07-04T18:07:00.002+08:00

I made it. I survived the super tough week.
My boss left... and obviously there were some administrative stuff I had to do. On Monday I had a new joiner, and 1 guy flying in. Tuesday was my new boss. Damn that was hard. And on Thurs I had a new joiner again. gaaaaah.

New boss is fine. I mean, so far so good. I seriously hope I do not screw up. I'm still nervous around him but I suppose I'll manage for now.

Mozzies have been attacking harder than ever these few nights. Absolutely horrendous nights, considering my very stressful days. Just bought this high-frequency emitting thingy. It damned well better work. Especially after I killed one of them mozzies this morning. That fat thing was filled with my blood.

I'm working on a new piece and hope to complete it soon. Not like Kaze is going to be performing any time soon, considering this recession. Still, I like to hear ourselves playing it amongst ourselves. Feels good.

I've got so many ideas of which pieces to arrange, but I just haven't got the time and energy lately. I'm still going to try anyway. Hopefully there'll be more chances to perform. I can't wait.

Nothing really new in my life lately. MK and myself have been very careful to keep our weekends free and more relaxing. We now have our 2nd weekend of doing ... nothing. Ahhhh. Very nice.

Parties will start again later, but right now, I think neither of us can really deal with it.

Going to have another nice home-cooked dinner by him. HEehee....

What a fantastic Saturday.

End of hal of 2009

2009-06-28T20:15:00.002+08:00

There hasn't been a quiet moment this entire half a year. I'm amazed it's only been half a year! What a rollercoaster ride.

From returning from Germany, to going to Kuching, then Bintan, and then of course there was Hong Kong..
The countless number of parties.. moving out..
Not forgetting an eventful time in the office from retrenchments to resignations to my possible transfer...

Yes. I may be getting transferred out from my very very beloved team.

My boss has resigned you see. And she has completed serving her notice.

Now, I may either choose to continue in this team, or move on to help another division. I;ve made my decision though. I will move on. I'm afraid, but I believe that as much as the new job entails longer working hours, possible subjection to almost-slavery and a hell lot more of I-don't-knows... I am ready to take the plunge.

It's a risk I'm willing to take.

Unfortunately it is not convenient to talk abt work online so I shall leave it as that.

Life is still as eventful as ever. If only I could write down and document everything but I simply cannot afford the time. Sigh.

Work is taking up most of my life in the recent weeks, and will probably continue to do so. I am determined to keep a balance as I always have. And no matter what decisions I choose to make, I will bear in mind... that happiness is a choice, and it is up to me to choose it.

I have got to be one of the luckiest people to have so many loving friends, colleagues.. such a fantastic boyfriend, and needless to say... my amazing family.

I continue to be thankful for each day that passes and to see the beauty in it.

So much going to take place at work tomorrow. The heat is really dehydrating me. Gotta hang in there....

Sneak peek

2009-06-01T22:36:00.002+08:00

To any curious cats out there... here's a sneak peek of my place at night...

Night view - can't see the pool at the corner of the photo...

Our study room - he and his laptop, me and my piano

No sofa yet.. that will only be coming in July.

Of course... the bedroom with the reduced number of bears. heehee!

So... now I have to prepare for the HK trip. Lots of work to do before I go on leave. I hope there's enough time to pack!!! Maybe I should start tonight. hmm..

More photos then I suppose. :O)

I am IN DA HOUSE!!!

2009-05-24T12:50:00.002+08:00

Yes indeed I have moved in!!!

woohooooooooooo!!!

I'm really sad to "leave" mummy... but I'm so happy to get my new-found freedom.. and a life with MK now!!! It's incredibly exciting!

I am going to miss my mum so very much but I also want to show her that I can survive out there on my own (well, almost). I'm sure it will also give her some peace of mind when sh can see that her daughter has indeed all grown up. :O)

Still a mess here... plus we still don't have a sofa.

THere's much work to be done, so I'll have to get to them now. Shall blog again soon soon. Tired, but happy.

Next project: trip to HK in 2 weeks time!
Then ... HOUSEWARMING PARRRRRRTYYYYYY!!!

Moving to the East - part 1

2009-05-17T22:47:00.002+08:00

The move has begun!
Most of his stuff are already at the new place. We went shopping the entire sat, and i'm glad to say we're en route to making this a cosy haven.

I am really excited but still tired. I am not too sure what's wrong but i feel more easily tired nowadays. I need to do my packing tomorrow night for sure.

Ah. I need to rest now. I'll update again soon though. Moving place is such a pain and chore.

But i'm sure it'll be worth it. :)

I'm 27

2009-05-03T23:58:00.002+08:00

Woohoo!

I'm actually posting this the moment I turn 27!
No, don't feel sad for me that I'm not celebrating somewhere out there. I think I've had just about enough for now.

Have been on Bintan the past 3 days.

I'm very very much happy to be where I am right now.

In the comfort of home...

Then again, home will be a different place for me very soon. I will be moving with MK to Bayshore. :O)

Yes. I have decided. I will move in with him. And we have taken the decision to make a move to the far east of Singapore where we know nothing of, except that it is nearer to the airport, Tanah Merah ferry terminal, and East Coast Park.

Rest assured, there will be a housewarming party. Now, to start planning the move...

Life for us just never seems to quieten down very much, does it?

Reaching the point of exhaustion

2009-04-25T13:56:00.002+08:00

I think I was a lot more tired and drained when I was working on the D&D late last year, but somehow, this time I am feeling it again.

I believe it is the coupling of work and my personal life matters that makes it harder to balance lately. Plus the incredible weather nowadays - the extreme heat coupled with the flash storms.

Yep. I know I'm not getting any younger. It's a sign. Damn. I'm only turning 27!!! And that's still a bit more than a week away!

Anyway, his parents are in Singapore now. That means both my parents and his have finally met. But strange to use the word "finally" when it took waaaay longer before mine met my ex's.

MK's bday party was last Saturday and he is now officially 30. Woohoo! Again for the benefit of those who do not have facebook... here are some snippets of the wild party which I only drank 1 shot of vodka the entire night for:
The cake

One of the MANY MANY MANY photos

My mum & his mum

And at the weekend before that, we had such a wonderfully classy night at Cats with champagne and great company... and dress-up!

Today is his nephew's birthday party.
Next few days are going to be spent looking for an apartment he can stay in. I hope he can find something.

I've spoken to my mummy about moving in with him. She's ok with it. So now it really is up to me.
Would I like to try it??? Yes.
Do I have the guts to??? Yes.
So what is holding me back???

Apart from the obvious financial reasons, there is a certain quality of life that I have at home and what I have there at his place is different.
For EG: As much as the TV I bought for my room belongs to me, I can't bring it over 'cos it'll ruin the wall. Simple things like that that seriously... shouldn't even matter.

But I am still bringing these into consideration to remind myself that I will be starting all over and building my lifestyle once again.

It sounds exciting. Maybe that's why I'm a little nervous about taking up this challenge.

I really want to prove that I can make it. And more importantly, I know my mummy would want to see that I can take care of myself (or have someone to help to do that.. heehee..)

Could be what's contributing to the exhaustion. I cannot fall sick. I must not fall sick!!! Not when I'm going Bintan next Friday!!!!!!!!!! Wahaha! With 7 Germans no less. And when I"m back ... MY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!! WOOHOO!!!!

Anyone know of irresistable birthday treats? I'm looking for where to eat lunch and dinner. Lunch being at Raffles Place of course. Working lah.

Okie dokes. Gotta go get ready for the kiddy party. Then Botanical Gardens tomorrow. Nice SSO concert. All we need is good weather.

Leave comments pls my dear readers.. I know some of you are out there. haha!

Deserve vs reality

2009-04-07T21:45:00.004+08:00

Sunday was packed with activities.

From picking rubbish on St John Island, to watching the F1 race (that was stopped halfway), to watching Gran Torino (at last), and then going through the instructions with an ex-colleague on how to help to take care of their dog.

Just another weekend for us eh? Hahaha! Always packed. But why only Sunday? 'Cos my bf had to work the whole day on Saturday. BLOODY HELL. I hate it that my bf has to work so damn hard.. so much harder than others.. and yet get paid so much less than what he deserves. I really hate it.

I hope I can find a better job for him. Why can't he do it himself? How to? He got no time! Sighz. Let's see lah.

My mummy was just talking to me about how her health is failing her even more now.. SIGH... I worry for my mum, and in turn, worry for my dad. We 3 sisters are more than able to take care of ourselves. But my parents really deserve to sit back, relax, and enjoy the life they worked so hard for us to have.

Have you ever loved someone so much that it hurt you so much you could cry just by seeing them in pain? When I was young, it was my younger sister. Now, it's my mummy.

It really sucks. And as much as it is not about how much time more I should spend at home, I still feel guilty about not spending enough time with Mummy. I think I'll take a day off during the Mother's Day period and bring my mummy somewhere. Very limited places to choose from, but I'm sure I'll come up with something. As always.

Anyway, on a happier note, here's evidence of the good deed some 30+ of us did on Sunday morning...

Some 200kg of rubbish ok?!

No pretty photos of myself so I shan't put them here. See facebook if you need a scare. Damn. My face is seriously rounder now.

Some may notice I have got a new hairstyle. Yes I do. Now I have bangs aka a short fringe. Haven't had that in years. Quite nicely cut by Louis in Kimage Prestige at Plaza Sing.

Anyway, I'm pumped up for the weekend already. Thursday night after my Deutschkurs, I'll be heading to Clarke Quay for some clubbing action (despite lugging around my heavy books).
Friday morning we'll wake up in our ex-colleague's place so we can walk the dog in the morning, and then again at night before we head back to his place.

Saturday will be a pool-side BBQ party at one of our Filipino ex-colleague's place. Then Sunday I'll be all dressed up to watch Cats at the Esplanade! Haven't bought Cat A tix in a loooong time!!! Time to think of what to wear.. HMM....

Then of course, Monday is my darling's birthday. He turns 30!!!!!!!!! WOOHOO!!! Speaking of which, I have yet to help him settle the catering for his party next weekend!

And his parents are coming already! GAAAAH! So much happening!!!

And all this are just happening in my personal life. There's lots to be said about work but it will not be convenient for me to bitch about here.

So no surprises if I disappear from my bloggie again hor. Bear with me.. I'll be on facebook though. Heehee... Do check in on me from time to time to see if I'm still sane.

:O)

Hello to Q2

2009-04-04T13:58:00.002+08:00

We're into the second quarter of 2009! Damn. That was really quick eh?
Hard to believe that mk and I have only been together for 10+ months really.

The trip last weekend was, needless to say, magical.

Trekking with commando mosquitoes was horrible, and the climb made me walk like a duck for the next 3 days, but damn... it was completely worth it.

For those who are still not on facebook (tsk tsk), check out what u're missing!

Just a very brief idea of what we had to climb up AND down:

And this was already a very very short flight of bamboo/mud "stairs".

Somewhere inside the jungle where we finally managed to take a breather:

Lucky for me, I didn't get leeches, but mk did! But I got the mozzies instead. I wonder which is worse.

Unfortunately, now that mk is back at work, it is too busy for him. Sigh. Poor thing's been camping in the office the entire week - and is in the office today! SATURDAY! WAT THE FREAKING HELL?!?!?!

He deserves so much better.

I'm going to play with Kiki a little bit now. Taylor Swift's Love Story is driving me nuts. The song just keeps looping itself. ARGH.

Tomorrow I'll be going to St John Island to pick up the rubbish. Yes. You heard me right. First trip there. Let's see how much of nothingness there is there. Hahaha! :O)

Surprise Birthday Preset - SUCCESS!

2009-03-30T02:15:00.001+08:00

WOohoo! Full delivery of the birthday present completed!
I'm so happy!

Gone to Sarawak in a weekend and back again. Feels like so long ago.

Photos on my Facebook but .. I hope to write about it here. So much not said from the photos. :O)

Lack of photos

2009-03-16T23:57:00.002+08:00

I really should use my HP camera more - otherwise i'll land up buying a separate gadget just for snapping photos. Very tempting... but it'll only mean more $$$!

The IT show was a good chance but I was more happy to get out of there than anything. Dumb human traffic at City Link was the worst. Idiotic marshalls were trying to re-direct people out of the underpass. HELLO!?! Did they not know it was raining outside that is why so many people were inside?!

It was very poorly handled. They only needed to put the barricades in the middle and control the traffic flow like on the roads. 2 way traffic. Not cordon off an entire area and ask them to get out.

Anyway, on the brighter side, on Friday I watched my friend strut his stuff on stage for the Cleo's 50 Eligible Bachelors party in Zirca. Maybe gals are supposed to like it when guys with 6 - 12 pacs strip or do silly stuff. If that's the case, perhaps I'm not just another gal. I'm just a different one.

Very funny hosting by Hossaan Leong of course. Thanks to him that he made the show good. I mean the rest of the show was entertaining but... I guess I'm just not the man-hungry kinda gal.

Saturday was really nice though. House party at my friend's place was fantastic. Played silly guessing games and drank quite a bit. The perks of having your own place.

Trip to Hong Kong is booked.
Trip to KL is postponed till May/July.
Surprise trip is next weekend (damn it. I should be packing. not typing.)
Birthday party food and drinks to be settled.
Paid tickets for Cats.
Yet to pay for Bintan trip that is booked.

Damn. It's all a little much.
Should focus on the upcoming one first.

Till then ... I have last minute ktv tomorrow, maybe late dinner on Wed after my 8pm mtg, German class on Thurs ...

I'm still here...

2009-03-09T20:30:00.003+08:00

Yep. Hard to believe but I'm actually still here......

I can't say that life has been a bed of roses with all that is happening in the economy, but so far, it hasn't hit me personally yet.

The worldly matters are sometimes too big for me. I am, after all, just another one of those who is part of the cycle in capitalism, and simply a pawn in all these. I have absolutely no control as to how I can help so my only concern is how it will affect me - and how I should deal with it.

My job seems fairly stable for now, despite me being in a bank.
As for MK, he's still ok for now too. Lots of matters to settle (like housing - so anyone with lobang for cheap studio apts pls shout)..
My family is fine.. no big commitements so no big concerns as yet.
A couple of good friends with hiccups in their respective relationships - but I hope they'll be strong and move on 'cos it was totally the other person's lost anyway.

I just finished my German basic exam last weekend and if I pass, I'll be able to take the next level. I really enjoy doing this. A 3rd language is incredibly difficult when you don't get to hear and use it as often as you'd like, but the sense of achievement is amazing.

THe next few weekends are all packed already.
Fri I should be going to my secondary school since one of the teachers is a friend, and has directed a musical. This weekend will be the viewing of an apartment.. then I have a party to attend.. and Sunday the IT show of course.

I can't remember what I have for next weekend but I bet it's filled.
The following weekend I have a surprise lined up for MK and I'm crossing my fingers that it goes as planned and he likes it. Supposed to be his birthday present. Sigh. I seem to be running out of ideas for presents.

In April, I may be going to KL, but I'll definitely be catching CATS, celebrate MK's birthday, keep his parents company since they'll be in Singapore, attend his nephew's birthday party, and go to Bintan.

Phooooh. What a mouthful for just 2 months.

In other news .......

I HAVE GROWN FATTER.
I have evidence that my jeans are tighter, and at least 2 other people have confirmed it - INCLUDING MY MUM!

That just seals the deal that I have definitely put on weight.

Nothing against doing that since I was always deemed to skinny to begin with but ... it's starting to show in areas that are not so pleasant for weight to be.

Damn it. This is the max I should go.. so now the trick is to stay here. I know exercise is probably THE way to maintain but ... perhaps controlling my food intake will be easiest for me. Heeheehee...

For the kiki fans... here he is... on a trip we did to the countryside of Singapore.

I miss him too 'cos I'm always with MK during the weekends, but now that my classes are not on Saturday afternoon, I should have more time to be able to come back and spend some time with him.

And now that MK's housemate is not there, I could perhaps do another night at his place. I'm still sitting on the idea... the thought of having to pack my clothes here and there is painful, but sometimes thinking about being able to sleep and wake up next to him just makes it all more than worth the trouble.

I hope I'm not turning into a sticky leech. I think I've been kept busy with a lot of my own activities as well. He has lots of time to spend with his gang. I really think it is a healthy relationship so far, and it is working out for now.

But we are taking this slowly and are not going to let ourselves rush into anything. For example, me moving in with him. As much as I'd like to, and he might want it too, we're still very hesitant.

As for moving to Germany, it has been discussed before. I would go if he does, but I would prefer if it was just for a couple of years or less, not more. As long as I have a job there.

And the big M marriage? Haha! Let's just say I'm not thinking about it .. yet. So needless to say, not even babies. No need to rush anything at all. I am rather enjoying it slow. There's an impatience and eagerness in me, yet savouring that sweetness in the air.

Marriage is actually not this ang moh's thing. To him, it's all a big show and there is no need for it. I am not one to go and change his beliefs, and when the day comes that I feel that it absolutely necessary then perhaps I'll have enough reason to convince him otherwise.

Ah well. As the Chinese say: Walk one step, see one step. My focus is on doing my job well, saving up money, spend as much time as I can with my family, friends and bf, learn as much as I can... and basically do whatever makes me happy.

I hope that I get to perform again. I love the feeling. Anyone have gigs to intro? Heehee... We're not expensive! :O)

My updates are on Facebook nowadays, but blogging is still the only way I can say much more. I do have a lot of thoughts in me.. the only problem is getting them out. I guess I need people to ask me questions so I can answer them. Otherwise sometimes I can't really organise my thoughts that well any more.

Damn. Getting old AND fat. Horrible combination.

To whoever is reading this, thanks for "listening". Drop me a line, ask me a question.. communicate with me in any way you like - no stalking though.

Appreciate it.

Cobwebs

2009-01-29T00:30:00.002+08:00

I am seriously neglecting this space huh?

I'm updating my facebook so often I hardly ever post anything here any more. But... it could be a good thing?

Remember I once said that I noticed that I tended to blog when I was upset.. or frustrated.. or just plain mad?

Blogging less could mean that I'm actually happier - at least for now. Life is full of ups and downs. Call me skeptical, but it is true that a bout of happiness only lasts that long before something comes and slaps you in the face to remind you of the reality we're in.

So I'm savouring the moments when I can. Mkaing sure I lick up every happy moment and remember it, treasure it.. before it slips away and the down swing hits.

And when it does, I'll have this space, and I'll also be able to remember that the pendulum will swing upwards again if I push hard enough.

The CNY break has been a good one. Using this chance to meet up with as many people as I can. I love doing that so much.

AND...

My notation software is FINALLY working again!
That means I can arrange music for flutes again!
Next performance: 24 Feb
Haven't practised in a damn long time. Going to be a formal event.. unfortunately our repertoire is only so limited. Sigh. I really hope to be able to boost it up much more.

I still haven't figured out what I should do if I'd like them published. argh. In the meantime, I'll just focus on writing more so we have a wider choice of selections.

Anyone wanna hire a flute quartet for their wedding/corporate event/etc? Heeheehee! Call KAZE! Through me!!!

All ritey. Enough talk for now. Time for bed.
Whoever's reading: GONG XI FA CAI and happy chinese new year!

Parting shot to those who miss Kiki..

Back & busy

2009-01-14T00:05:00.002+08:00

Nothing new huh? I'm busy again.

Work is of course taking up the big bulk of it. But I have to admit my BF too. I'm not complaining about the time I'm spending with him because it is really wonderful, but I am really hoping to have more time to meet up with other people as well.

I'm glad I've been trying to arrange that so ... at least that takes off a little bit.

I've got a lot on my mind, and I would really like to write them all out but it's so hard to when I'm so tired.

There's so much to say yet so little time.. and sometimes I have problems expressing what I mean. I'm much better writing but .. it just takes much longer.

Don't be mistaken. I'm not complaining about my blessed life, or that I am unhappy. But I even the happiest of people do have thoughts that run through a working brain.

Just time for the brain and heart to have a good little exchange.

Ah well. I'm just going to have to find time. Plain and simple.

I AM BAAACK!

2009-01-05T01:20:00.002+08:00

Yep! I'm back in Sunny SIngapore!!!
Where the sun does not set at 4:30pm, and the indoors are always colder than out.

There's something invigorating about travelling so far to experience something so entirely different from what you are used to for the past 26 years.

I had always been the lucky kid amongst my circle of friends - having at least been able to step out of Singapore and see other lands. Not like some rich people who have travelled all over and may not appreciate the opportunity.

When I travel, I'm interested in how life is like there. What it means to live in that city. How things work there, the systems, rules, norms. Of course there are all the sights and sounds, and tastes.

What I got out of 14 days in Germany was fantastic. I saw how different things were in the cities, the village, etc. Of course, language was a big problem but having my personal tour guide was the best.

His parents brought us around so much, and we had fun with his friends there too. I don't know how else to put it through but it was absolutely wonderful. I might even say it was perfect!!! :O)

Ah. Alas, nothing lasts forever.

Tomorrow is back to work. Feels as if it is the first day of work for me (like I'm starting a new job or something).

Plenty of new challenges to tackle this week.

Life is going to be back to normal for now. But plans are already being made for April and October as I type this.

Photos on facebook - though there's more to come..... heehee!

Final Countdown

2008-12-19T01:33:00.002+08:00

another 1st! I'm actually posting this from my hp! I'll be flying in abt 6hours. I'm so excited. And scared. I hope i'll be warm enough and that i dun fall sick - cos i already feel my body failing with the sneezing, heatiness and irritated throat. Oh no. Time to rest now. I'll be back in 2 weeks!

Still counting down...

2008-12-16T21:33:00.003+08:00

Like I predicted - I can't find the shoes I need for the trip. I'm going to have to make do with frozen feet for a couple of days till I buy one there, cos I give up looking in Singapore.

TOmorrow night is going to be spent at the Esplanade. The Nutcracker! The first dance I'll be watching (I think?). Good to get into the Christmas mood, since it's next week and all that. Wow. I didn't actually realise it was next week.

Damn. Time flies.

I am still busy at work, but a lot better of course. More relaxed I suppose. Loads to think about before I leave.

It's time to pack some more...
clothes ... check
socks ... check
gloves ... check
hat ... check
stockings ... check
coats ... check

Now how the hell do I fit them all into my bag with sufficient space left to squeeze more?! It's completely packed now. And mind you, my bag is large enough to have my stuffed toys AND kiki inside.

Time to get busy. I'll blog again soon soon. I hope. :O)

Finally!

2008-12-15T02:34:00.002+08:00

The moment that I've been waiting for - THE COUNTDOWN TO GERMANY!!!

The D&D is now over.. and a whole big load is off my chest now. There's still post-event work to be done but they are needless to say, much less worrying than the work before.

It's nearly 3am now. I can't go into details. But let's just say it was a job well done by the whole team.

I will be flying off in 4 days to Deutschland. I've got almost everything ready now. What I'm seriously lacking is a pair of boots suitable for winter. In other words, it should be lined warmly on the insides and have good footing on the sole for wet weather.

I am going to have a horrible time trying to find something in Singapore that fits the description. I have only 3 more nights to shop for this - which I may unfortunately be spending in the office.

I'm so excited..... :O)

Kaze @ The Heeren 2009

2008-12-02T22:09:00.003+08:00

It's Christmas around the corner and Kaze will be performing their annual fund-raising thingie again!!!

At The Heeren (like last year), the performance will be without me since I'll be in Deutschland, freezing my ass off.

Pls support them ok? Make a donation. Every bit counts.
And do stay to listen!!! They practiced really hard! Plus it took a lot of effort for me to put the pieces together!

For those who have not heard our performance since The Esplanade, yes, there have been new additions since! The Sound Of Music medley, Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas, etc. The old time favourites will of course still be heard.

When I finally get more time, I'll start writing more pieces to update again.

If you have any events you'd like us to perform at, drop me a msg on this bloggie!!!

I hope to perform at the Esplanade again. It was such a wonderful experience. Lobang pls anyone? Heeheehee..

Longest break ever

2008-11-28T00:55:00.002+08:00

For the first time since this blog started, this has probably been the longest break.

Needless to say, I have been caught up with loads of things going on.

One of the key things driving me nuts is the D&D preparations.

And that is seriously enough.

On top of this I have yet to prepare for my trip to Germany (exchanging for Euro, packing winter clothes, etc). Not only do I have to fix my own schedule, at work I have to make sure my boss' schedule is ok - cos that is afterall what I do for a living!!!

I am exhausted. I don't want my body to fail me once the D&D is over because I need to be fit for travelling.

But I know I can pull through this. I've been through harder things before. I have to do this. If only to at least prove to myself once again what I am capable of doing.

Weekends are my only escape from this madness. Just some short walks, a good movie, a simple meal... good enough for me...

I feel so guilty for being so happy with him that I don't spend enough time at home. Having said that, most of the time it's not a matter of choice. Every weeknight I look forward to coming home in time to at least see my parents before they turn in. But alas, it's almost impossible till after all is done.

And by then, I'll be flying off to a foreign land and will only be back next year.

I find it really hard to balance everything. I'm so lucky that my parents are understanding and probably do not blame me for my lack of time at home. They may not be happy about it, but at least I do not hear them complaining to me about it.

Some days I really contemplate moving out. Force me to do my own laundry and housework and ease the load off my mummy. That would at least erase a large chunk of the guilt.

I hate being so dependent - because I'm already 26 and should by now be able to fend for myself out in this tough world. And yet here I am.. Cosily tucked into the only home I've known for 26 years.

I'm messed up.
Perhaps it's the tremendous stress I'm going through.
Perhaps I'll get to sit down and think through properly once I'm back from Germany.

Perhaps perhaps perhaps..

I've probably never experienced such a high level of stress at work before for a prolonged period of time. This is my first. Where the responsibility is truly mine.

I cannot afford to screw this up.
It is my one chance to show what I can do.

Time to shine.

Too much to do

2008-11-05T08:05:00.002+08:00

I don't understand how I can be so busy with everything. There's always such an amazingly long list of things to do. Never-ending.

Been working late quite a bit last week and this. I even had to be back in office on Deepavali. Still, I managed to watch Avenue Q last Thursday.

GO AND WATCH IT TOOOOO.

I loved the show. Hilarious. The soundtrack is on loop in my head now. Who won't laugh at songs like "The Internet Is For Porn"!

Anyway, Quantam of Solace this Thursday. WOohoo.. Need to leave office early.

I have so many plans. SO much to do.

Next on to-do list:
- Gather winter clothing
- Exchange EUR
- Get the D&D going
- Buy a nice long dress
- Practice for next flute performance (next Fri!!!)

Ah. so much to do. Too much.

Overloaded brain

2008-10-22T00:47:00.003+08:00

Germany trip, D&D preparations, work, family, friends, flute stuff, German classes, appointments, BBQ this Sunday..

Just a taste of all the stuff going round in my tiny little head.

Germany trip: Where to buy/borrow clothes I can wear to keep me warm (and within a good budget)

D&D: A long slew of worries tagged with this

Work, family, friends: The usual. Trying to keep up.

Flute stuff: Hopefully I'll get a chance to perform somewhere before I fly off. And that I get some inspiration to do up another piece.

German classes: Deutsch ist schwer!!! (German is tough!) I'm trying very hard but I suck at it still.

Appointments: Trying to make sure I keep to them. Already had to cancel my facial today 'cos of work.

BBQ this Sunday: Celebration for MK's completion of his thesis. Lots to prepare as usual.. like every other bbq... more importantly, i hope people come and have a great time.

Lots more going on in my head lah, but probably nothing I can categorise yet.

I'm amazingly still quite recharged from the weekend that just passed: dinner on Friday night at Raffles Hotel, Saturday night at Bellini, and a Sentosa Sunday.
Felt like a mini holiday. Heehee!

Can't wait to see what's in store for this weekend. There's always so much we can do, so many places to go...

A bunch of firsts!

2008-10-15T23:45:00.003+08:00

What a crazy week it was last week. The markets went crazy and so did the entire bank.

I really hope that doesn't happen again.

Anyway, the whole week was a busy time spent working and keeping MK's german friend entertained. It's nice to get to show off your own country. I'm glad there are plenty of places to go.. all of them so pretty.

This tiny island can be really interesting if you let yourself be a tourist for a day.

Anyway, along with that, I also managed to go to Supper Club for the first time. My sister's early birthday party (or something like that.) Honestly? Music was too damn freaking loud. Sure, it's a club and there's supposed to be loud music but this was beyond bearable. Rich and beautiful people (and loads of ang mohs). Not my type of place. You only go there to see and be seen.

Only thing nice were the beds. Everyone could sit around - but we could barely talk. Shouting didn't really help much. So we landed up taking silly photos. Let's see if I'll put them on facebook. haha!

After his friend left, which was last weekend, I went to Prive at long freaking last. Very nice indeed. But let's see if I go back.

We moved off to Wessex Village at Portsdown Road after that. Sort of my first time. To think I used to work around there for 5 yrs and they only converted that area after I left. Anyway, guess I didn't miss much since I "moved" to the city. It's just a really ulu place that's super quiet. Klee is nice if you need a VERY quiet environment to get away from cars and screens.

Sister's real birthday gathering yesterday. Went to Singapore Flyer for seafood. Again, another first. Had never been there, nor so close to the flyer. Not bad indeed. THe food was good and not too expensive. Worth going again.

Ah.
Finally listed them all I guess.

Enough parties for now. I haven't really gotten a chance to spend time with MK ever since he was back from Germany. Looking forward to a quiet Friday night together.

Germany. Tickets have been booked and paid. I'm going in Dec! WOOHOOOOOO!
Now, to figure out how to keep warm there.

A little too eventful for me to handle right now. Time to snooze a little bit in bed and let my tiny brain work things out tomorrow.

Life is going to get tough, but it doesn't mean we stop living. We just keep going, and try to make things happen. Happiness is a choice, isn't it? :O) so choose it!!

It's good to be me

2008-10-03T13:51:00.003+08:00

Tuesday night was pretty wild. Lots of high and drunk gals around. Thankfully I wasn't one of them!

Wednesday was a nice and slow day. Went out with mummy to do a bit of shopping in the evening, a cuppa tea.... Mummy wanted to buy me a necklace. Just something for fun. Walked into SK Jewellery and saw some nice designs, and also hung around Citigems for a while. I couldn't decide on what I wanted - plus I felt the items were too expensive.

I'd rather mummy used the money to treat herself to something. I totally appreciate it but I guess I've never been the one to ask for anything. Presents or material stuff in particular. One of the many strange things about me since I was a kid. Somehow I always understood that money didn't come easy and I never really dared to spend other's.

We went to another shop (B*dazzled) and my mum bought herself earrings, and myself a much cheaper necklace - and I think it is much prettier too. Looks so unique! Plus my mummy bought it, so it'll always be a special something. Ah... I'm such a pampered girl.

Yesterday night, I saw my dear BF again. It'd been over a week since I saw him. Yes yes, I know it is a short time, but it felt good to see him again.

Met the friend he has brought over and we are anticipating spending more time going around Singapore.

Very happy that he has now gotten his Masters. Yay! And a good grade with that as well! Woohoo! He was so happy he went out and got me something back from Germany. Awwww. Another necklace! Hahaha!

I bought so many things from Swarovski. In fact, I think I buy something from them every year - and none of them were ever for myself. Yet I received a beautiful Swarovski necklace yesterday from him. Sigh. He's so sweet. :O) I'm still very touched by the gesture.

Those who have followed my blog would understand how easily touched I am by the little things. He is definitely doing lots of little things and this is something I would classify as a bigger thing. He's really spoiling me.

Want to see my new necklaces? Call me up to meet bah!

It was Satay yesterday night, and today it's going to be Clarke Quay.

Class tomorrow as usual. I like class.. don't get me wrong.. but it is a Saturday afternoon... primetime of a weekend... and I have classes up till end of this year.

Speaking of year-end, I have yet to buy tickets for my trip!!! Oh no! I hope there still are some seats left. No thanks to global warming, the "white christmas" may not be fulfilled, but I'm sure it'll be just as cold.

Anyone with winter wear to dispose of or lend, there's a taker over here.
*raises hand and bounces up and down*

What a race

2008-09-28T22:19:00.002+08:00

It was fantastic. I wasn't there in person, but I watched it on TV at home. It was still an extremely interesting one to watch!

I used to watch F1 when Michael Schumacher was still racing but stopped and switched to MotoGP (motorcycle racing) for obvious reasons.

It's great to watch a full race again. It was exhilarating.

Congratulations to Fernando Alonso and the Renault team.

And kudos to Singapore for putting up a visually satisfying track. All those road blocks paid off eh? Heehee!

Oooooopsie

2008-09-27T20:57:00.002+08:00

um... I know this blog is due for an update... and I probably owe at least 2 posts here.

BUT I'VE BEEN SO DAMN BUSY!

Damn Lehman and all their overspilling problems. Not that it affects me per se, but it does affect my work. It's just an incredible domino effect lah. Irritating.

Anyway, just to quickly update on why I've been so busy...
Met up an old friend for a good local play last Friday night. After that I went to Bar None (at last, after its renovation) to meet some ex colleagues.
Saturday I had class as usual, and rushed to the Oktoberfest at The Swiss Club. FANTASTIC party. Super good. I loved it! Grown adults bouncing on tables and benches. Coooool.

Sunday was nice and slow. Really relaxing. Some quiet time with my bf before he flew off to Germany in a couple of days. Finally presenting his thesis. The one I helped him correct his English since January. Such a painful process but I am so happy it's going to be over for him soon.

This week was busy for me at work again. Left the office rather late so even if I had wanted to meet up with some of you, I know, I didn't get around doing so. Better that I didn't otherwise it will probably mean me standing you up, or you waiting too damn long.

I managed to meet up with JX, Lichen & others last night though. KTV!!! Heehee! Singers group. So nice to just listen to them sing. Sounds so good.

Had to leave a tad early to meet YL. And go look for my sister. Due to go for Bellini's opening night at Clarke Quay. I absolutely lurrrrve what they did to the place. Looks fantastic. Managed to say hello to a couple of familiar faces. The band is like a mini orchestra now!

F1 qualifying race in an hour. I need to get take a bath. The closest I got to the race was seeing it from my 19th floor office, where we could see a tiny part of the track at The Esplanade Bridge. We could see the cars turn and accelerate out of sight. It was rather far away but you could definitely hear them. If you heard them and ran to that window to catch a glimpse, means it was too late. They were far away already.

I'm standing by tomorrow night to make sure I watch it from the best seats possible - AT HOME. hahaha!

Kiki had a graduation performance earlier today while I was having class. Too bad I couldn't go. He was dressed up in some portugese looking thing and danced around the stage with some others. I watched the video. SO CUUUUTE. hahaha!

I miss my bf, but I'm genuinely happy for him to be back home, and going to complete something he started out so long ago.

When he's back, we'll be planning for our year-end trip. His 2nd time back home, and my virgin trip to Europe. Keeping my hopes high to see snow for the first time.

But let's see. Anything can happen in this world.

I have a lot to keep me busy with again and I'll update as soon as I can.

Bear with me. :O)

Looong weekend

2008-09-09T20:04:00.000+08:00

Not very often that one is in Orchard 3 times a day.

I am usually the one that gets irritated when things do not go according to plan. But yesterday was a nice exception because although the luxury of time was not entirely mine, it was a day that I allowed to let plans NOT get in the way of having a good day.

Let's start my weekend from Thursday....................
I went to Harry's across the street to hang out with my sister and her new colleagues. Went on to some restaurant cum pub at Singapore Land Authority (which I didn't even know existed) with the usual gang, then wanted to move on to Boat Quay, but since Wilson was driving again that night - we headed to St James. Again.

A bit strange to see our Bellini fellows performing in Boiler room. Like the guy said - it was a Boilini night. HAHAHA! We still had a great time. The 5 of us as usual.

Friday was a little bit better since for a change, we didn't go out. Simply stayed in and watched tv. It was nice to catch "A Bug's Life" again. I lurrrrve those animation.

There was a birthday party to attend on Saturday night. Oddly enough, it was at the same Harry's. I made us late because class only ended at 6, but it was nice that it didn't matter that night. I didn't really know anyone there but it was interesting being part of the minority again. Sometimes I feel like a representative of the Singaporean population. Strange huh?

I wasn't feeling too well in the start of the night so I kept quite to myself, but as the night went by, and drinks went down, I opened up a little bit more. I think I still have a lot to learn when it comes to trying to mingle with people who are much more successful, much older, and of a totally different nationality/culture/background. I simply have no idea what to start talking to them about. I mean, I could easily converse with them if they were responsive but some of them are not that type so I find it quite hard to carry a longer conversation. Don't mistake me for meaning they are not nice, because they all are. I just hope that they'll do more of the question-asking or topic-starting than me.
What to do.... I'm not so deep - only know about some entertainment news, what's showing in cinemas and what events are happening in Singapore.

Unfortunately I could not sleep in on Sunday. The performance for the wedding required a lot of rehearsals since we barely had any. Surprisingly, we rehearsed in the hotel room with no complaints from the fellow guests! Amazing!!! It was a spacious and well done-up room. 5-star mah. How bad can it be???

It was beautiful... having us play for her march-in. We stood on each side of the aisle while the bride and groom walked in. We also played a little bit on stage. The ang moh's were very appreciative as compared to the chinese - but nothing new there. We flautists had a great time. Too bad one of us had to go home (work lah) so I was the only girl staying back.. crashing with 4 guys.

Went for dim-sum breakfast in the morning and checked out at 1pm. I wanted to go for my facial session but I was too late, so it was pushed to 4pm instead. I made my way home to grab the mooncakes I bought and brought them to my old office to see my ex-colleagues. Nothing's changed that much as usual, but it really felt good to go back and see my good ol' friends again.

It was heartening to see they still ate as much as before. The Champagne Truffle mooncakes were gobbled up so quickly. hahaha! If only I could talk to my ex-boss a bit more. He was busy, and so was I - since I had to rush to my facial appointment. I hadn't been one in months so it was important that I made it.

I finally did, and had a nice nap during that time. I took bus no. 7 home from Orchard and thought mummy cooked dinner. She was ill and didn't prepare anything. Mummy's health isn't so good lately again. I think it's the weather and an increasing number of viruses going around. Sigh. I really should start helping out by at least doing my own laundry.

Back to my last Orchard trip - dinner. Obviously I called my bf to see if he was free. He was! And we even caught a movie after! Clone Wars. Not as bad as it was made out to be. I thought the fight sequences were good - unfortunately the storyline wasn't as strong as what you thought a Star Wars movie could give. Still, good shot at animation for Star Wars I guess. Wall-E was still waaaay more entertaining though.

I didn't like the taxi driver that took us home after. He could have turned to the AYE a lot earlier but somehow went a long way to reach the ECP. Luckily I told him off and he let us pay him lesser. I bet it was because he saw that my bf was not local. So irritating when these taxi drivers ALWAYS have to ask which particular route I want to take. And sometimes they just want to take a longer route and I have to tell them to take a shorter way. Stop cheating my money you idiots. It's your job to know Singapore's roads. Don't complain you don't have enough money when you choose to be so dumb and wait for calls when you could spend the time picking up passengers. And it should be regardless of where I want to go!!! Plus, why are we still paying for the 30cent surcharge when prices have come down already!!!?!?!?!?!?!?!

Ok. At least I got that off my chest. If I find the time tonight, you'll see me write a similar letter to the newspapers.

So that marks the end of my little adventurous day off. Running to and fro can be a little bit tiring but some alone time is good, even when it was on the bus most of the time.

Photos from Sunday are up on my facebook already, thanks to Geoff who posted them up so quickly.

I've yet to figure out what is the next piece I would like to do up. There're just tooooo many to choose from. Plus I would really like to try to play some nice pieces on the piano - from memory. No scores in front of me. Just sit and play. That'd be so cool. Always wanted to do that for years.... yet I haven't been able to. So sad.

I know I need more sleep again. I don't really understand why sometimes. Is my body so unrested? I am just raring to do so much! I think my mind's doing really well. It's my body that doesn't want to listen sometimes. I really think I sleep enough. If I sleep more, I think I will only become lethargic and lazy.

Next performance is for SIM. Sort of like my alma mater. We're getting barely paid for this one so ... it's more for the exposure I guess. I hope more people would employ our "services". heehee! Gotta start some advertising for ourselves. Start a website or something. Wahahaha!

Anyone out there interested in a flute quartet for your event? We can play a wide range of music and have a healthy collection of pieces to choose from. CALL ME!!! Hahaha!

No more Orchard Road for me this week (except for class on Saturday). Speaking of this weekend, I need to go support the company's dragon boat team. Bedok Reservoir. I hope I manage to go and support them. Remember? I mentioned that I needed sleep? Heeheehee...

No lah. See how. I have to do my homework for my Deutschkurs. laaalaaalaaaaaaa...........

So much to do, so little time.....

Belated photos

2008-09-02T18:43:00.002+08:00

This is waaaaaay late. Like half-year-long late.
But better late than never... no? :O)

Plus I look good in the photos. WAHAHAHAHA! Must show off the wonders of lighting and good camera angles.

I am sick again

2008-09-01T22:46:00.002+08:00

Yep. Was surviving on Panadol Extra for the past 2 days.
Just popped 1 pill called Fenfedrin. Never taken it before. Let's see what happens.

D&D meeting tomorrow morning so I will drag my feet to work by hook or by crook. I'll see what time I can last until.

Feeling like crap right now. And I know I'm not the only one in the office who is feeling the same. Quite a lot with the damned flu bug. Who cares about bird flu when we can't even deal with the human one?!

I am sooo behind time on meeting up with friends. sigh. But I'm sorry. I'm not going to make any appointments for this week. Hope I can keep some for next week.

I'll be off on Monday and will get to see my ex colleagues and of course, my ex boss. Bought some mooncake for them. Hope they'll enjoy it. I haven't tried it, but the packaging looks quite nice. Plus I've heard good reviews about it. Anyway, the thought that matters right?

When I'm back home earlier, I nowadays can catch my classic series MacGuyver on FX (Channel 87) at 9pm. I adore that show I tell you. It's super cheesy but damn, the things he can do with everyday objects to get him out of ridiculous situations is amazing. How he can use simple wire, some paper, or some other material and turn it into exactly what you need. It's science put to the extremes of practical use.

I haven't figured out what outfit I can wear for this Sunday. Uh-oh. There are so many pieces I could arrange into a quartet. If only I had all the time in the world to do them all up.

Ich lerne Deutsche gerade. German classes are getting a little tougher. I'm not picking up as fast as I would like. I desperately need to practise it more. Though I'm glad I can make out sentences when I see them. Can't really speak or understand it when spoken, but I hope to be able to do so in time to come.

Mir geht es schlecht. Ich bin müde jetz.
Gute nacht.....

Good nite peeps... I hope to be writing soon. So much to do.. so little time.. and it's already September................................

Need .. sleep ..

2008-08-25T22:29:00.002+08:00

As usual, I've been going out quite a bit. Not that I forgot to update my blog.. I simply couldn't find the time to.

THere's just so much to do, so little time. If only I could update all the happenings in the past week and a half here, but there's just too much. Ah well.

Despite being sleep deprived and busy, I hope I can arrange another flute piece soon. Sometimes I just need that spur.. that sudden inspiration to get it done. So so so many pieces I could do up - but really, unless I actually did it full time, I could never do them all.

Still, it was really nice seeing that the file of pieces to choose from for performing was growing. The problem was no longer "how are we going to fill up the time?" but rather, "which pieces should we play?". Now that is comforting isn't it?

Next performance is one of their friend's weddings. Four Seasons Hotel! And we get a free night's stay together! Yay! Then it'll be a performance at SIM. Not sure if we'll be paid for that one. Then of course, our annual Christmas performance. It'll be at Heeren again.

I managed to do up 1 new Christmas song so at least it won't be entirely the same stuff. And there will definitely be a lot more different pieces compared to last year. Though some were already premiered in the last Esplanade performance.

Hmm.. I don't think anyone watching/listening is actually keeping count lah. But just in case there is someone out there who may want to hire us for whatever event, it would be safe to showcase our range a tiny bit.

Back to the issue of sleep. I need it badly tonight. I would definitely like to get some "work" done but maybe I should study a couple of pieces first then decide which is most worthwhile to do up.

Any special requests? Haha!

What wisdom?

2008-08-14T21:34:00.002+08:00

Why the hell is it called a wisdom tooth and then required to be extracted?!
Argh.

Yes yes. I managed to convince the auntie at the dentist to let me see the doctor. Finally. I took an x-ray and confirmed that I am indeed suffering from a horizontally growing wisdom tooth - causing a slight infection.

Now I have to be on antibiotics and use a gargle. CRAP. I hate medication.

Why am I falling sick so often huh!?

Anyway, I'll probably extract it when I see a chance to take 5 days off. Let's see when that will be... because...

I'm chairing the D&D Committee this year! My goodness. I don't know if I can actually carry this off. I can't say I don't want to - but I admit I'm scared. But I lurrrrve organising such events, and I hope I do a good job. More importantly, I hope everyone in the committee will enjoy themselves doing this, while the rest simply enjoy the parrrrty!

Going to be busy again in the next coming months till the event. This is going to be soooo stressful. Sooooo tiring. But so damn fun.

I will be complaining a lot. So whoever is around me, bear with it till its over. You know how it works. I complain complain complain, and then once it's over, I just smile with satisfaction and wait to do it all over again. Haha!

Okie dokie. Today's a really short post. I need to pack my bag for class tomorrow. Hope I get to see my ex-boss and ex-colleagues on Saturday before Lesson 2. I miss them.

So many people to meet up sia! So many things to plan!

But when am I going to figure out what is my long term plan? I really am wondering... what do I want to achieve in the next 5 years? To be honest, I am very much happy now, and I simply do not know what would make me any happier than doing whatever I am doing now, and living how I am now.

I think, only change will bring about this answer to my future. So as long as everything remains status quo, I am pretty sure this is exactly how everything should be like.

Why change anything at all when I feel so happy already? Of course I am things to work for. But I do feel that sometimes... some people's pursuit of happiness, and even greater happiness even when they have it, leads them to more pain that they simply bring upon themselves.

I am happy for all the small things I have.
A loving family.
A wonderful boyfriend.
Fantastic friends.
Amazing colleagues and boss.
I do not earn much, but I earn enough to support myself.
I do not own a lot, because I do not think more material goods will make me any happier.
I am not on top of the career ladder, but I enjoy my job.
I may not be an expert, but I still get to perform and use my music skills.

Tell me, should I be greedy and ask for more? If yes, what more? More money? Haha!

I am good. I feel good. I like it when everyone around me is happy and well. Despite the horrible wisdom tooth thingy, I still can't help but smile.

Why shouldn't I? :O)

Gum infection again?!

2008-08-11T21:00:00.002+08:00

Random post.
I'm not sure, but I suspect I have a gum infection again. Last year, this time, I got it too. Damn.
It feels so sore at the back of my mouth. Not painful, but sore. I really don't think it's the wisdom tooth problem everyone thinks it is.

Got to reach office before 7:30am tomorrow. Technically, it's not really my responsibility to do that, but I was asked if I could help, so ... I couldn't lie could I?

German class starts this Friday evening. Nervous and excited about that.

I missed the Olympics opening, but I had a great time that night still. What I did land up watching was the National Day Parade. And on Sunday, I got to watch something I always wanted to - the SSO at the Botanic Gardens.

The weather was puuurrrrfect. Cool air after the rain, but sun was shining brightly enough such that the ground was not wet and soggy. Beautiful.

Singapore hasn't gotten any medals yet. But we got close enough. Not bad not bad.

Another one of those idiots just zoomed past my block. The kind of idiot that likes to press their turbo button and rev their engines so loud they were afraid no one would be able to hear them coming.

Puh-lease. Don't do that in the HDB estate. The only thing that would really attract our attention is if the revs and vroooom is followed by a "boom", with of course, the sound of shattered glass. Otherwise, don't bother disturbing our peace and quiet. Want to rev? Do it elsewhere.

Argh. Sore sore sore. I am soooo going to buy a mouthwash to use in the office as many times a day as I can. It should at least help a little. I hope.

Bump

2008-08-05T18:19:00.001+08:00

It has been a while since I wrote about my clubbing/drinking escapades, and that's because I haven't exactly had any the past few weekends. But what I had over the recently concluded weekend could far make up for that.

I know I have not done this in a while, and not sure if anyone misses this style, but let me do it again.... the re-counting of my week's happenings.......

Thursday
Movie night again. How could I watch such a blockbuster any other day later than the day it opens in cinemas?
The Mummy was very entertaining. I thoroughly enjoyed it. This despite having 2 couples bank out on me that night. I booked 8 tickets for the movie, 4 people didn't turn up. Luckily for me, I managed to get a refund on those tickets.

At least the other 2 guys showed up. Very onz people. Very nice to jio out all the time.

While queuing to get the tickets I bumped into Eddy. Haven't seen him since I broke up with my ex. He's still just as skinny. Only thing I noticed was different was the girl he was with. WAHAHAHAHA!

Friday
It was work as usual. After work plan was to have some quiet drinks at Dempsey together with my bf (MK), Jiahui, and her friend. We had a very late dinner (since we were all working till 9), and headed to The Wine Company after. Later that night, Wilson checked if we were still going to be sticking around.

I was rather tired but I always can't resist the temptation of meeting up with people. We playfully smsed him that he could pick us up and we could all go to our regular haunt The Bellini Room. Hahaha! He really did, and we really ended up there.

I never was the one to have luck bumping into people when I'm out, but that night, I received an sms from an old secondary school friend. He just had to make sure it was me. I was so happy to bump into him. During CNY, I didn't get to talk to him that much. Really good ol' friend. Since I was sec 1.

He joined us for drinks since he was left alone by his friend, and I don't remember whose bright idea it was, but we went to Dragonfly after that. Yep. The super-packed room with the cantopop music. I personally quite like the atmosphere there - provided I can get a table to myself that is NOT smack in the middle of where everyone is constantly walking in and out of.

MK obviously had no clue what was going on. We went up shortly to the KTV area - though I have no idea why either - and came back down after we were told that to sit there (at 4am!) we had to open a bottle.

We went outside Dragonfly to contemplate what to do next. And like what every Singaporean would think of, we thought the same - SUPPER. I didn't really drink much so I wasn't hungry. Before leaving, we bumped into 2 colleagues! It was not odd to see them together at the club but it was still a sight that made us look at each other a couple of seconds with question marks above our heads. Clubbing is clubbing lah. It shall stay there.

Supper time! Went to some dim sum place in Geylang. Then another sms came. At 4am in the morning. "At Geylang for supper?" What are the odds?!?! Another secondary school friend! Went out to talk to him a bit with the other one I met earlier. Turns out this one was with his wife. He is married!!! That is news for me!!! Haha! So happy for him. :O)

Needless to say, with all that catching up, I didn't really get to eat much. I wasn't very hungry anyway. Honestly, I was happy enough to get to meet so many people in a night. Of course, I was glad enough to be with my regular buddies too. Nice that Jia brought a new friend. Cute funny gal!

Saturday
I managed to get to see Ki for a little while before he dozed off. The naughty boy was so tired already.
Went down to Brewerkz at Kallang to meet MK after his dragon boat thingy, then took a bus to City Hall. I was to attend a concert at Victoria Concert Hall. My fellow "flute-mate" was performing as part of the TJC alumni band! He was not only playing the flute, but he was conducting the entire 2nd half of the concert. Coooool.

They played very well. And when the concert went into intermission, everyone stepped out just in time to watch the fireworks from the NDP rehearsal.

Due to the road closures, I didn't manage to get a bus to St James right after that. I had to find that out only after walking to Clifford Centre. Damn. Anyway, the mrt was pretty empty by then and it was quick too so I didn't complain so much.

Got to Boiler Room and the first thing i thought about was food. What to do? I only had some salad and fries at Brewerkz, and it was hours ago! Plenty of people showed up at St James that night.

Jass and friends first. The rest I didn't know. Then my ex bf was there with his colleagues. Then Patrick and a couple of friends were there. Then Ya Ling and friends were there. Then MK showed up. Then my sister and Evon showed up too. Even my friend from the night before came by.

It got a little bit confusing and the alcohol ordered was waaaaaay too much. Of course, some got drunk. MK and me managed to go home unscathed.

Sunday
Unfortunately for MK, it wasn't so safe on Sunday night. Friday and Saturday nights... getting high and drunk doesn't sound so bad but on a Sunday when you're not on leave the next day ... uh-oh.

It didn't start off so bad, of course. A couple of friends called (when we were still sleeping) us to come out for drinks at Dempsey. Being the social butterflies we are, we simply cannot say no to such invitations. [It's true. We find it hard to turn people down when they ask us out. We onnly do it if we already have other plans.]

Dragging outselves to Dempsey, we had a nice time just talking and sipping good wine. The 2 guys recognised an ex-colleague and later on he joined us. The shocker came when the next person appeared.

Because I know her too.

MY BOSS.

Wahahahahahahahahhaahahahahaha! What are the freaking odds?!?!?!?!?!?!

It was strange to meet her there. But she's nice so it was great when she sat down to join us. Anyway, work is work, outside is outside. Easy. Another bottle and we left anyway. Had to go catch Formula 1 at Brewerkz. We all ate there but only the guys drank. And they drank and drank and drank.

And you know the ending.

Ah well, but it doesn't happen everyday. It was good fun. Only too bad that it was a Sunday.

And so that was pretty much the story of my weekend.
It always seems a little short eh, even when I start it on Thursday. It was so nice meeting up with so many people over the weekend, even if it was for a while.

Let's see how this weekend will be like...

I hope to go home early tonight. Always try to do that at least once a week when I'm not so busy at work. Otherwise I barely get to see my parents at all.

Life is good. And I continue to be thankful for everything and everyone around me. :O) Staying happy. And keeping everyone around me the same. (I hope.)

Another week into the year

2008-07-28T12:14:00.001+08:00

Last Friday marked my 1 year anniversary with DB! Wow.

My sister managed to solve the Mozilla/Flash problem. Don't know how she did it but, hey, she did it! Now I can play Pathwords on Facebook at home. Yay. And I can start using Youtube again. Finally. I need to listen to a couple of songs before I can arrange them. Can't do it from pure memory. And I'm trying not to rely so much on arrangements done by others for reference. See what I can come up with on my own.

I've actually considered selling my arrangements. Perhaps compile them into a book for publishing. BUT BUT BUT. Copyright issue. I rearranged most of the pieces from piano arrangements done by others. Plus I am technically supposed to approach the copyright holders for these songs before I can publish them. So ... there goes my bubble.

If anyone has lobang for such publishing of scores, let me know okie? It would be nice to find out how to go about getting it done if I ever get serious about it one day.

Singfest looks like something really fun to be at - but I'm attending my friend's alumni band concert on Saturday night, and on Sunday morning, probably have flute practice again... so...

I FINALLY SIGNED UP FOR GERMAN CLASSES! Class starts on 15 Aug. HOORAY! The books look so kiddy but I think they'll be exactly the useful stuff I need. I can't wait to start!

The weekend that just ended was super simple, but it was just as sweet. Tried asking a couple of people over for quiet drinks (since Mr Housemate is not around this weekend), but all couldn't make it. But now I understand the fascination that Bladey has with those board games. Haha! Bladey! We bought a 2-player board game! Damn fun! It's called Mr Jack. Nice!

There is so much I want to do, so little time, but that's the case for everyone isn't it? Oh and sorry JX! I was napping when you smsed me about badminton! Next time tell me in advance or just call me ok? Pai seh pai seh.

Jass, I know I said I'll meet you this week. Let me try tomorrow!

What do people think about people moving out from their parents' nowadays? In the past I know there was some hoo-ha over this. Past being 10 years ago I reckon. Reason I'm asking? Of course because there may come a day I would like to move out. I honestly never really thought of it until I finished my studies. I have often thought about buying my own place. Partially as an investment, partially to learn how to be more independent.

If property prices tumble, I may just go into the market and get myself a small, cosy but affordable place to stay. Thing is - I don't think I am quite rich enough to afford my own place, so let's see how far the prices tumble, and how much I am able to spend per month paying off an apartment.

Another trigger is of course my boyfriend. Nope, I do not think it's possible for me to move in with him any time soon because his housemate is not comfortable with that idea, and part of the reason for myself is my worry of how it would change my entire life. I am very open to this idea of course, but I have to prepared that I will probably not be moving back home. Things will be different entirely. The more logistical problem will of course the issue of my stuff. And I have A LOT of stuff. Hahaha!!!

But most importantly, is whether he even wants me to move in with him. Perhaps it's a little early to think about it... I probably seem too anxious. Caught up in the heat of the moment. The option remains open.

Ah well. Still far fetched for now. Let's see.

Isn't life an interesting and amazing journey?

Back from Bintan...

2008-07-21T01:27:00.002+08:00

...and feeling very recharged. Refreshed.

Seaview chalet.. mangrove tour.. couple spa..

Very nice indeed. Pity about the rain though.

Pictures on facebook. :O) Sneak preview here...

PC problem

2008-07-16T01:23:00.003+08:00

My PC is unable to install Flash. This means applications on facebook, all videos from Youtube, etc are not working.
Does anyone know what I can do?
I have tried uninstalling it, downloading Flash from mirror sites, but none of it is working. Everyime I load the official Flash download site from adobe, it just doesn't install. The page loads - without the Flash part working.

Can someone out there pls help???

Another long week ahead

2008-07-14T23:29:00.003+08:00

Why do I say so? Because I only just got home not too long ago.

Am I inefficient or slow or ... ? Can't be eh? I actually think I do things pretty quickly already! Then why am I still in the office till so late?!?! I don't understand it. Time to think through carefully what is taking up so much of my time.

I'm counting down to Bintan. Friday night. I need my seasickness pills first. I'll only be back on Sunday night. Straight to bed when I'm back. Far away from work...

I mean, I like my job.. I love my colleagues and all that.. but .... it's tiring lah. I just need to figure out why I am staying so late in the office. Doesn't make sense. What am I busy with? Problem is I can't put it down in words. It's difficult. If I do list them down, it'll be a whole chunk of stuff that seem so tiny. Problem is all these little things are important to get things going - and in some ways are dependent on others getting back to me first. It takes up an amazing load of time.

Lots to do in my personal life as well. I want to finish arranging that Sound Of Music medley I've been working on for so long, but got a "writer's block" now. Trying to figure it out.

Last Saturday I spent most of my day watching my colleagues in a Dragon Boat competition. Very interesting for me. Too bad I got a bit burnt by standing out there. But Sunday was extremely wonderful. Bf and me.. just hanging out.. go for a nice swim.. call in dinner and eat over a movie.. some wine to end off the night. So relaxing...

I don't care. I want to be out of the office earlier tomorrow. Let's see how possible that will be.

Anyway, short post. Just wanted to whine a bit...

Too busy

2008-07-10T00:08:00.003+08:00

Work's been at it again. Super duper busy.
Last year at this time, I was preparing to leave my old job.

Time flies doesn't it?

Work is busy. I still like my job, but you know how it is. I still have to complain. Nevertheless, my team is trying to have as much fun as possible while working, so that does liven things up very much.

I am so tired from working late so much these few days.

Looking forward to the weekend as usual. This weekend (starting Friday of course) will see me at a mini party in my office pantry for the numerous birthday babies in July. After that I'll have to head down to Cineleisure and meet JX, Lynn and friends for Kbox. It's been sooooooooo long since I've done this KTV thingy.

Not sure if I'll have the energy to catch a movie after that. If not, then it'll just be home for some good sleep. Saturday afternoon I may go watch my colleagues race in a corporate dragon boat competitioni. THe rest of the weekend is not planned out yet, but that is always easy to fill up.

Next Thursday I'll be catching BATMAN!!! Redeemed using UNI$ for the "free" tickets.
Then next weekend I'll be in Bintan. It was such a bloody pain to book the hotel rooms. Everything was full. Had to book direct with the hotel in the end. At last. Settled that.

Can't wait to start playing the flute again. Next performance will be at someone's wedding. Good opportunity to try out my new pieces. Trying to arrange a damn long medley now. Most of it without referring to any other scores, so it'll mostly be purely my hard work. In August I hope to start my basic German class. Finally.

Avenue Q is surprisingly going to be in Singapore. Got the tickets to the show already. Yippee!!! With songs like "It Sucks To Be Me" and "The Internet Is For Porn", it's hard to see how I won't have a good laugh. I heard the music a couple of years back when I channel hopped onto the Tony Awards. Should be a really fun musical!

It's mummy's birthday today! Her bouquet of flowers were delivered punctually 1 day before (surprise factor), and I already gave her the heavy $245 steam iron (shared with my sister of course).

My brain is suffering from an overload of stuff to follow-up with. I hope I can put them in perspective by tomorrow otherwise I'll be screwed sonner or later. Plenty to organise. Plenty to follow-up on. Plenty to remember. Plenty to do.

Yet, I still hope I can organise another big gathering like the one I did last year. Something just for fun. Book a big chalet and ask everyone to turn up. I have no idea why I always think up such ideas when I'm busiest.

I'll try to update again soon. Whoever's reading this, thank you. Danke. Arigatou. Terimah Kasih. Xie Xie. Merci. Gam xia. It's nice that people wanna know how I'm getting on. Keeps me going. And I would very much like to find out what goes on with you as well, so pls pls pls book a date with me. I know I'm busy but I will trrrry my bestest to make sure I meet up.

I need to sleep now. Need to buy breakfast for the team. Yummy fooooooooooood...

For those who miss Kiki.. here's an update of how he looks like now (not very different though. just cuter.). heehee!

Hurt

2008-07-02T13:04:00.000+08:00

Wow. I didn't realise I didn't post what I wrote previously. Oops.

Guess it's too outdated for me to put it up now.

I bought some clothes from a factory outlet called Bebe in NY. All of them for my 2 sisters. Guess they didn't like it - 'cos they've been sitting in my room all this while. Total damage, S$285.45. It doesn't hurt when people don't like what you get them, it hurts when they don't bother to at least accept them. So now I've got an expensive bunch of clothes I don't know what to do with. Sure, I may not have picked out their styles correctly, but surely you can at least take them to your room and stash them aside?

I honestly thought the clothes were quite wearable. I would wear them if they had my size... turns out my sisters prefer the cheaper clothes I bought for myself.

I know I know. Trivial matter. But even the strong have their soft spots.

At work, it wasn't any better. My boss hit my achilles' heel hard. She didn't know she did till she noticed how badly affected I was. Basically I didn't do a good job with the arrangement for a workshop happening this week. Although I'm very unfamiliar with the item, I admit I could have done a better job if I didn't get so distracted by all the other miscellaneous stuff I've been busy with.

Anyway, for those who know me, or have followed my blog from day 1, you would know that I can be very strong when I meet all sorts of problems, but for me to feel emotionally vulnerable to hurt, all I need is a non-validation of what I do. Once I'm told off by someone, or something I'm proud of is not being accepted/validated by the person I'm doing it for, I get depressed.

If not for my colleagues being around yesterday evening, I would have cried my eyes out. And when my mum reminded me again about the clothes, I felt a thousand needles poking into my heart, trying to break it into pieces.

None of these people had any intention to hurt me, and I know it. But I guess this is just me. I can be very resilient to a lot of shit that happens but something small like this can just break me down in an instance.

I'm looking forward to Family Day this Saturday. It'll be time away from my boyfriend, but time with the family is always good too.

I have a good life, and I always tell myself that. I would say that I am quite contented with my life, but lest anyone thinks that I will simply lead a stagnant life from this point forth, I will not. I will continue to strive to learn as much as I can, become better at whatever I do, and try new things whenever I get the chance. I need to balance my time between family, friends and boyfriend.

Lots of birthdays in July.
In fact, a lot of things happening in July. It will be a very tough month. Keeping my fingers crossed to get through it in one piece. No more midnights in the office pls.....

Oopsie

2008-06-18T23:41:00.002+08:00

Nope. I didn't forget that I have a blog. I simply saved my post in my office PC but haven't uploaded it yet. Work has been busy lah. And my home PC acts up everytime I use facebook too much.

Speaking of facebook, anyone into word games, PLEASE PLAY WITH ME!
I'm a real sucker for them.

I can't believe how every week is packed with stuff to do. Ah well. It can only be good right?

I should totally try to arrange more flute quartets. I hope we get to start practice again soon. More motivation to write more.

This is a short post since the actual one is in the office. Gonna try to update it tomorrow. Heehee..

Love & guilt

2008-06-09T22:55:00.003+08:00

It sucks when you feel like you're treating your home like a hotel. It really does.

I am out so often - and I'm not saying I am not enjoying myself when I'm out - I am just filled with guilt everytime I do go home.

I know I know. The only way to NOT feel so guilty is simply to go out less, and stay home more. But then, most weekdays I'm in the office - not that I don't want to go home, I just can't really do it as early as I wish.

And for the other days, yeah, I know, I spend it all out with my friends, and of course, a whole lot with my boyfriend.

Time spent with him is absolutely amazing. At least for the past few weekends, it has felt like going on a weekend getaway each time. Maybe this is the "honeymoon period" that all relationships go through at the start. But this "honeymoon" is seriously like no other. Generally, my estimate is that it lasts 3 months, because after that is when the veil of love lifts, and you start to see more into the person than you usually would if you were simply going out with him as a friend. For this special one, well, let's see. :O)

But I'd like to think we're quite open in communicating right now. At least open enough to be able to say what we think, but maturely with the care and understanding that we are not out to offend or hurt each other. Simply to tell each other what we think.

I hope it continues to stay this mature. He treats me like a lady - as he always has, and to all ladies actually - and sometimes, I have to make sure I remember that I cannot get used to this wonderful treatment. I am human after all. Once you get a taste of sweetness, it's hard to go back, but to upkeep it is very tiring so I must remember not to always expect it, but to appreciate whatever comes.

I'm so in love again. It's hard to believe it, but I am. It's such a warm and fuzzy feeling when you know you are loved back by that person. Amazingly, no one has said it's too quick. No one has even suggested he's a rebound.

And I'm glad because he's not.

There are so many times he makes me feel like a princess. Behind all of my practicality and pragmatism, I have always been just another girl. Just a girl in fact.

Of course I have always secretly dreamt of being romanced, doing all the mushy romantic things, and all that jazz. Somehow it has always been surpressed by myself simply by convincing that it doesn't exist.

I've been proven wrong. Sure, it may or may not last, but whatever I have experienced, and who knows, maybe might continue to experience for a bit more, is simply a dream come true already.

I'm keeping my feet firmly on the ground and staying as truly realistic I can be about everything. I am still the same old me.

I do not need flowers. I do not need gifts. All I need is attention and affection. Really. At the end of the day, that's all that really matters.

Thank you all for the well wishes and for all the kind words to keep me sane when I was trying so hard not to fall in love with someone I already fell for.

Lichen: Maciam watching some drama show and after dragging for so many episodes, finally got some sort of result hor?

Jingxian: nothing to congratulate lah. not as if i getting married wor. but thanks. nice to know you're actually checking updates here. made me write this post actually. heehee!

Jass: yup yup. enjoying them while they last.

Chang: No longer a secret. heehee.. out in the open liaoz. it was not predictable wor. we're not channel 8 or TVB actors. no script to follow one. it's definitely a lot more than what I scribble here. :O)

Linda: thanks gal....

Zhehong: yes yes. I was always referring to Mr-German-Colleague-turned-boyfriend. He was the one I missed, and the one I was not supposed to be thinking of or getting too close to. So much for all that. Now we're even closer than before. It's indeed very nice and fuzzy all around.

Ok. Think you readers should be drowning from the sweetness. Allow me to save you from that and end this post then.

I will write again soon I hope. I have lots to say but not as much time to write. The title is really quite an irony in itself. Those who know the full story will understand why I say so. How this love and guilt has always been such an entanglement - and how it has evolved into its different form now (as mentioned in the first few para). Happy deciphering.

On a totally different note altogether, let me just say: GO AND WATCH KUNGFU PANDA! Heeheehee..

Anyone have things you want me to update you on, feel free to ask ok? I'm sorry I can't meet up with everyone as often as I'd like, but rest assured I always keep you in mind and will fix up a date with you very soon.

*Love is in the air... lalala*

The Open Secret

2008-06-04T23:31:00.002+08:00

So it's not exactly a secret when you change your status from "Single" to "In a relationship" on facebook.

It happened on the day I came back to NY. I only changed the status on facebook earlier this week. Partially because I forgot about that status bit in facebook. I log on everyday but I don't check out my own profile all that often do I?

After that, my colleagues have begun with the "so they're really together!" news. It's been a long few months, but we finally decided to give it a shot.

Sure, issues such as location may be a big problem but until we reach that stage where it is a problem, everything's fine & dandy right now - and oh so sweet. :O)

It will be a very different and special relationship for me. I can't wait to see what else is in store...

The EURO 2008 will be starting this weekend. Nope, I'm not betting, and nope, I'm probably not going to be watching so many matches. But my dad did subscribe to this, and my now-BF-Mr-German-Colleague would most definitely want to catch the matches - in particular Germany of course - it would be very interesting to see how the next few weeks will turn out.

It's another exciting part of my life unfolding. It all feels quite surreal. Falling in love is a magical feeling. Being in love turns me into a little girl all over again. Staying in love will always need a little work - but none of that needed right now yet.

1 step at a time, we're taking this nice and slow.

Savouring the sweetness of each moment. :O)

Dreams and goals

2008-05-29T22:01:00.001+08:00

The weekend was fantastic.
Indiana Jones, Botanic Gardens, St James Bellini Room, Singapore Zoo and Night Safari.
Even arranged 2 pieces for my flute quartet.

I got to do all the things I said I wanted to do when I came back from NY. All in 1 weekend. Isn't that amazing?

Now I just need to get myself to do all the OTHER stuff I said I wanted to do... like...
- get a driving licence
- learn a new language
- learn dancing/diving (though my asthma may not make it possible yet)

And of course, some places I can think of that I will make a point to visit one day:
- South Africa (Safari!!!)
- Egypt (Pyramids and camels!)
- Australia (Kangaroos, Koalas and many others!)
- Europe - all over (To experience the different cultures)
- Japan (Another nice culture)
- China (I've heard it's spectacular.)
- Beautiful beach resorts all over Asia

Ah well. What to do.. need money to do these. One at a time they'll come true I'm sure. At least these are something to work towards. Everyone needs to work towards something, and I am running out of things.

Sure, I know I should do something about my career. How to advance myself or the likes of it. Maybe later lah huh? I know... I'm lazy. blech...

The doctor says I'm better. I agree. I feel better. Still, I am sick and I have quite a way to go before recovering commpletely. I'm looking forward to being back to tip-top condition.

I have every intention to take this weekend slow. Last weekend was great, and exactly what I needed. This weekend may be similar - just a bit more laid back I think. Let's see what happens. I'm soooo going to make sure I get all the sleep I can get.

Kiki will be taking his first flight out to KL (Genting) with his mummy and my younger sis. Yay! He's sooooo going to enjoy this. Too bad I won't be there to see it. My parents are not going either. Plenty of chances next time I guess.

It's Thursday. It has somehow been a very hard week to pass at work. Partially because I have a lot of work to handle - all of which dealing with different matters. And partially because I simply am not in the mood to. I blame my period. WAHAHAHA! I still love my job lah. People always say I could do so many other things and get paid better, but you may not always love what you do.

Oh the weather is beautiful now (when it doesn't rain). I should be on a beach or park somewhere out there.
And on a starry night, I should be dancing to some soothing music... in a castle... by a lake...

*dream dream dream.. dreeeeeam...*

Settling back in

2008-05-22T20:41:00.002+08:00

My body clock is readjusting itself. So far, so good.

However, the cough is not so good. I went to the doctor today. She said I have asthma now. Sigh. I have a whole course of medication to take and I'll go for another review next week. I think it'll go away, but it'll take a little while.

She said the cold air in NY and the dry air in the plane simply aggravated what I had before to this level. I have to avoid exercise and aircon.

Ah well. Too bad. I'll diligently pop the pills and inhale the powder thing through the inhaler thingy. I'll be fine lah. :O)

Photos from NY.. hmm.. I'm sorry to say that I can't post them up because they're not with me! Haha! They're with my friend who is still travelling half way round the world. I'll get them when I'm back.

I'll update more soon. Need rest for now.

I'm baaaack

2008-05-19T08:07:00.001+08:00

Reporting that I'm back safe and sound in sunny Singapore. :O)

Time to unpack my luggage!!!

I'm coming back home...

2008-05-17T10:30:00.003+08:00

I can sing that Michael Buble song liaoz. :O)

Home sweet home. It's 10:30pm right now in NY. I'll be flying back tomorrow night. Last minute packing and shopping to be done.

I'll be in Singapore on Monday, 6:30am. I miss everyone so very much.

Lots of hugging to be done. I can't wait.

The cumbersome traveller

2008-05-13T23:18:00.002+08:00

Yep. I'm talking about myself.

After my previous post, my trip has gotten more relaxing. I guess I got used to the travelling and commuting and other stuff in a foreign land.

All this time I have still been coughing and blowing my nose incessantly. How my travel mates manage to put up with me, I have no idea. I really take my hat off to them.

I have done lots of shopping, and am not done yet. I've seen the Niagara Falls (which were extremely beautiful, needless to say), and managed to even meet up with a friend there after 5 long years.

My face is recovering from an allergy after trying one of Elaine's facial products. I hope that it'll look fine when I get back. I think I look like a snake that's sheddin skin. Peeling. Urgh.

I will be going to Washington tomorrow and Philadelphia on Thursday. Let's see how it works out. Remember sky-diving? It didn't happen. Apparently the weather wasn't good enough so the skydiving company had to call it off. Ah well.

1 more week and I'll be back to SIngapore. It's been quite a ride, these 3 weeks. I don't want it to end - but I miss everyone so much that I do want to go back.

THis is a rather disorganised and hastily written piece. I just got back from Niagara you see. 9 hour bus journeys are not a joke. I have to sleep a bit now. Please please please let me catch a broadway show tonight...............

And damn UOB. My credit limit has reached. Too bad for them then. I'm probably going to burst my credit limit for my Citibank card instead.

TO all you people who asked me to buy stuff back for you: I'm going to collect from you the money based on the exchange rate from the credit card companies hor!!! I'm already not counting in the transport fare needed for carrying the stuff from the shop back to the apartment, to the airport, and back home. You all owe me a meal! Each!

MUAHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHAHA!

New York New York

2008-05-07T00:46:00.002+08:00

I've only been away for barely a week and am already missing everyone in Singapore so much! It's not that I"m not having a ball of a time here but ... I guess it's just been the first time I've been away for this long. and this far.

I'm now in the northern part of NY with my buddy Elaine. She's got this really nice big fat cat here. too bad it's not a dog. but it's still an animal. I LIKE. haha!

I've seen enough of New York to prove I've been here. At the end of the day, NY is really like a gigantic Singapore. It's really not all that much different. The number of shops for shopping is amazing though. Hope to touch on that today and tomorrow.

The best thing I like about this place? The weather. It's sunny outside but you can strut around in a sweater and not drip a drop of sweat. COOOOOOL. Unfortunately, in Boston, my friends and I froze our asses off. We could see the hot air breathing out of our mouths. THAT was super cold. Too cold.. but still, I like having experienced it.

The subways here take a while to understand and aren't as simple to transfer or navigate as in Singapore. I guess the key attraction for me about NY would have to be the shopping. The sightseeing, history lessons and artsy museums are all really nice and cultured but after 5 days of going that, I need to sit back and do what holidays are about - relaxing.

For me, travelling is much more than going to all the "must-see-must-try" places. I'm a strange person, and probably the worst kind to be travelling with. I know it. I should have put up a big disclaimer.

Perhaps my idea of a holiday is much more unconventional than others? I'm not sure. But heck. This is MY holiday. I freaking spent my birthday here.... But my friends were very nice to give me a nice surprise with dessert and a candle in it. I was so touched. :O)

Like I mentioned, I miss everyone in NY. And I know some of you do miss me too. Awww. There's a particular someone that I do miss more too.. and although I hope he feels the same way, you never really know, do you? Let's see how things have changed (or not) when I'm back.

Where is that Elaine?! argh... The instant noodles I cooked for her plus my first-time egg and sausages are cold already. She's supposed to come quickly, finish up lunch and take me shopping!

Ah well. Doesn't matter. I like lazing around for a morning. Otherwise, I wouldn't be able to write right now. Time to mess with the kitty cat.

Missing all of you in Singapore. I'm still getting SMSes so even if it's to ask me to look out for a certain product, just drop me a line.

Be back in 2 weeks......

I'm in New York!!!

2008-05-01T00:57:00.001+08:00

Yes I am in New York!!! WOOHOOOOOO!!!

Overwhelmed & Touched

2008-04-27T12:58:00.003+08:00

This has been an incredible week.

On Tuesday I performed as part of flute quartet Kaze. That night, I received 2 bouquets of flowers - 1 from my bunch of colleagues that came with a bear, and another from Mr German colleague himself. So many people I know turned up! My mum and 2 sisters along with Ki were there too!

On Wednesday. Mr German colleague turned up with another few more colleagues of mine but this time, he came with a big teddy bear. AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. All these were truly surprises. I was honestly just happy enough for them to have turned up. That meant more than anything - so you can imagine how overwhelmed and touched I was when I saw the flowers and bears. Jass also came with chocolate coated stuff and sushi so I wouldn't get hungry! Awwwwwwwww...

I want to thank everyone who turned up. It was an amazing experience and I will always treasure it.

On Thursday night, my dear colleagues were so nice to treat me to dinner. But not before giving me an absolutely lovely necklace from SK jewellery. It must have cost A LOT of money. To have their company for dinner before I fly off on Tuesday, and as a pre-celebration of my birthday, all these in a span of 3 days... I wanted to give every single person there a big tight hug.

Naturally, Friday night proved to be very hard since I was exhausted from the previous nights, but I did agree to go out with Jass and gang so I did. A nice quiet Chinese dinner with her and Patrick was really good, but we went to St James after that. I wasn't much in the mood for it but ... I go where my friends go, right?

I was too tired to dance, and the only reason why we managed to stay there was probably because I met my ex-colleagues who let us put our drinks on their table. I barely drank anything - which was the good part. Later that night, my ex was very nice to send me home. Did it feel awkward? It was more nostalgic for me. Looking him in the eye and talking casually will take some getting used to, but I think we'll get there.

You know what I learnt over dinner that night? That both Patrick and my ex were there on Tuesday night. Those 2 fellas didn't bother to come and say HELLO to me. Humph. It's so strange that my ex came. When we were together, I don't think he even bothered with coming to watch unless I made it compulsory for him. Ah well. I'm glad they were part of the crowd and came. Again, I'm so thankful for the support!

Saturday afternoon was spent packing for New York. I'm semi-packed now. Not bad for an inexperienced traveller like me. At night, I met up with Mr German Colleague, Jia and my sister at Villa Bali. Excluding my sister, the 3 of us are close. It's rare to find that in the office, but somehow, we have. Very precious indeed.

We talked until the lights went out and had to make our way back. A quiet and simple night. It was another wonderful time.

It's Sunday. I'll need to go to Zhenlin's place to collect a 2nd piece of luggage she wants me to bring there for her (and bring back). I am not entirely sure how I'll manage this feat but it's all part of the travelling experience I guess.

I'm only going to be away for 2.5 weeks but everyone's making me feel like it'll be 2.5 yrs. But it's true that I'll miss everyone here. Even if it's just 2.5 weeks. I can't help it.

I'm sure more people are interested in reading about the romantic part of my life? Unfortunately, like I've mentioned before, what seems like a good idea now wouldn't be in the near future. Because it's a fact that it'll never work out. Sad but true.

Let's see what happens when I come back from New York. Maybe he'll find someone else during this time. You never know right? After all, we're not together. We can't be.

Time to countdown to New York. Tuesday night is the flight out. It's all very exciting. And I continue to bask in the overwhelming warmth that everyone has shown me on my journey thus far. I am sincerely grateful...

:O)

Another week already?!

2008-04-20T23:06:00.002+08:00

Oh my goodness. Time is flying too fast.

Already this weekend I celebrated my birthday (2 weeks early) twice. That's because I'll be in New York for my actual birthday. Too bad. Blech.

Anyway ...
It was a lethargic week for me. I messed up my boss' travel plan and I was feeling extremely depressed about that. I cannot stand it if I make a mistake at work - especially when it is my core duty. I just couldn't. Truth be told I felt as if I could have cried when it happened. And for those who don't know me: I don't cry easy.

Well, that was over, and Friday my best buds including my sister asked me out for drinks. I wasn't keen on any dancing considering how tired I was after work on Friday so I settled for Balaclava. Needless to mention, there were no seats - but of course my sister always manages to work her charm and find us one anyhow.

The best part that night was really the cake. It popped up of nowhere. I wasn't expecting it (because 2 weeks is really not considered very near), and it was very sweet indeed. I love surprises. THe cake was yummy indeed.

Unfortunately, my crazy sis had to drag us all down to St James' Bellini room that same night at 1:30am. We were exhausted. Dozing off really. But she wanted to go so we went. Tom Brown miraculously remembered my sister and I. Haha! I find that very amazing since he was drunk last Saturday as I recall.

Saturday was a full night at Bellini. Jia and I went for dinner at Vivo before heading over. Her good ol' friend Wilson was really the reason why we were there. He was the one that wanted to go so... we went! Mr German Colleague later also joined us, and so did my sister. All of us love that room. And another extremely fun night it was. I danced my ass off and had my weekly workout again. It felt good to sweat it out.

Tonight, I had dinner with my whole family. I like that so much. All of us sitting at the table together and enjoying a meal. And obviously, little Ki was there - and he managed to squeeze a new toy out of ah-ma AGAIN. That naughty boy just keeps getting naughtier. So cute.

What's really getting to me are:
1) the performance(s) at The Esplanade
2) the New York trip

I somehow feel rather unprepared for both. I'm looking forward to them but I feel so distracted between the 2. Guess I'll just have to finish off the performance before focusing on the trip. I seriously need to start digging out what I need to bring there.

My cough is still here. So irritating. So much phlegm that I simply can't seem to get rid off. Ahhhhhhhh.. And Mr German Colleague's thesis... I've got 2 more chapters to edit for now. While he continues to write more. Yeah yeah it's not my responsibility but I do want to see him finish it and all. My big name will be on it too you know? WAHAHAHA!

I've promised to meet up with so many more people but I don't know if I can.
Jass: I'll see you on my performance days. I'll try to go for dinner with you soon.
Zhehong: Let's book a date with your friend when I'm back from NY? It'll be late May. Hope to see you on Tues/Wed too.

I'll already be having dinner with my colleagues on Thursday.
I've yet to decide about Friday. Jia wants to book me for Saturday (right Jia? :O) ) and Sunday is probably packing day.

Anyone with tips of how I should pack my luggage, do let me know. And how many bags am I allowed to check-in? I'm so clueless.

Please please please come and see me on Tuesday or Wednesday at the Esplanade. 7:15pm we'll start playing. We'll take a short break after that then continue for another few pieces at 8:15pm.

If I don't know you yet, come up and say hello to me! I won't bite!

The Party @ Bellini Room

2008-04-13T23:25:00.002+08:00

What an amazing night. The first time I saw the Bellini Room dance floor actually crowded. Everyone was having such a good time - talking, drinking and dancing.

This birthday party was thrown for Mr German Colleague. Jia and myself got the cake surprise, I made the reservation, he himself did the invites to people.

It was fantastic I tell you. What a blast. Once the photos are tagged, you'll be able to see them all on my facebook account.

What makes a good party?
Good music - thanks to the band at Bellini and of course Jessea Thyidor and Tom Brown for their vocals. Tom Brown was a really fun guy to speak to and dance with. Anyone going there, please show your support by standing up and have fun when they perform ya?

Good company - The people that turned up were super. Everyone talked to everyone else. Everyone danced and drank with everyone else too. Now, how often do you actually get to see that happening?

Prompt service - The drinks came quickly enough. Our area was always kept clean by the cleaner who came by everytime just when we needed him.

4 bottles of Johnny Walker, 2 bottles of Vodka and other miscellaneous drinks other people ordered. But there were nearly 20 of us there so I think it was reasonable.

There must be more to add but I'm still getting over my horrible hangover I've been surviving the whole day. Tom Brown! You're the reason I woke up groggy!!! That glass of vodka you mixed killed me!!!

I don't know how I can actually still be awake now. I don't even know how I managed to play the flute for 3 hrs this afternoon. So it's time to sleep. Back to work tomorrow.

It was THE party to be at.
And I'm glad I was a part of it. :O)

Pills

2008-04-12T12:26:00.002+08:00

I've always had a problem with swallowing pills. It doesn't matter what colour or shape it is in - I CAN'T SWALLOW IT.

This is only with the exception of really tiny ones like Vit E tablets.. or sea-sickness ones. Those mighty tiny ones that are smaller than a grain of rice.

But of all the pills I've taken, this has got to be the queen of all pills. This huge yellow antibiotic. No wonder it's only taken once a day. My goodness. Do you know how long it takes me to swallow that freaking thing?

No, wait. I don't actually swallow it. I actually use my teeth to bite it into 4 smaller pieces and take it that way. Even after doing so, I sometimes still can't make the downsized piece go down my throat.

It is SUPER irritating. I absolutely detest taking pills as medication. Why can't they all be like cough syrup? It's disgusting - but it goes down much faster and easier!

Long time since I've had such an irreverent post huh?
That's because I'm supposed to be out now at Queensway Shopping Centre getting a jersey as a birthday present. But it's raining extremely heavily outside and I really don't think it's worth THIS much trouble to go and get when I can get the same thing (at a slightly higher price though) at the original store at say, Vivocity.

Anyway, I'm done with the medication dosage for the day. My cough has improved already so I think this will come in handy when practising the flute tomorrow.

REMINDER!!! Please come and support us (read: me!) at The Esplanade on 22 and 23 April!!!

Kaze @ The Esplanade - Official publicity

2008-04-09T23:12:00.001+08:00

I'm super proud of this:
Kaze @ The Esplanade

The list of songs are not entirely correct, but I'm glad to see I arranged most of it. My hard work! Heehee!

Everyone! Please come and support us if you can! Thank you!!!

The week summarised

2008-04-05T20:20:00.006+08:00

On Wednesday night, I had a choice of these 3:
1) KTV with a couple of colleagues
2) Meeting up at a ex-company event with ex colleagues
3) Drinks (semi-officially) with one of the teams in my present company

I was trying to figure out how to go to at least 2. Turns out no. 3 was postponed. So good for me. I really wanted to go to no. 2 but it was too far out for me to go there and any of the others.

So I chose no. 1. It was a nice dinner with 3 colleagues. Not KTV in the end. But it was still very fun. 2 of them I only got to know better that night only. Really nice. Both ladies went home after dinner though. Me and Jia went for a drink at St James.

Damn. A drink. Right. We opened a bottle of white wine and enjoyed the show at Boiler - and somehow, without realising it, I drank most of it. So I was extremely wasted when I got home. For the first time, drinking made me puke. Literally. It was horrible.

But I managed to wake up and go to work as per normal the next day. And even had a great time with Jia (again) at the Esplanade for the "We Will Rock You" musical! Damn. That Killer Queen t-shirt looked fantastic but $45 for a t-shirt is quite out of budget for me unfortunately. Sigh.

Had a very safe cocktail at Harry's later that night and went home for some really deeeep sleep. I was exhausted.

Friday was convocation. A boring 2 hours. Rushed from office like mad for it. But my parents were happy of course. And that's all that mattered. :O)

Needless to say, after that I took a short nap before going out again. Met Jass, Gina, my ex-bf and his colleague. Sort of like an early birthday celebration for my ex's birthday. In case you're wondering, no I didn't speak to him. He never even looked my way so I figured it wasn't worth the effort to.

We went down to St James after. It wasn't too bad there since we managed to get seats. Boiler room's band is entertaining. Particularly the gay dude. He's gooood. It was so strange when my friends just left me and him at the table at one point. I don't know why all of them had to go and put their bags in the locker together.

So that was the only time I spoke to him - I asked him what he'd like his drink to be mixed with. And passed it to him. That was all the contact we had. Ah well. Whatever. I tried asking so many people to come down and join me, since I knew my friends would from time to time be going out to smoke.

Turned out only Mr German Colleague came down. But that was good enough for me. It's always lots of fun having him around when clubbing. We danced a lot and were pretty close. Don't think my ex bothered lah. I couldn't be bothered. I was there to have a good time too you know.

I wanted a quiet dinner on Saturday. YL, my sister and I went to Dempsey. Landed up at Harry's - but good pasta there anyway so no complaints. And it was quiet. Good. I also wasn't much in the mood for clubbing since I already did the night before, but they said to go St James, so there I was again.

Movida was packed so we moved to Bellini Room. The music there was fantastic. My sister and I danced and danced. She got (like always) picked up. I, on the other hand, bumped into Jia's friend. It was a very good night. Seriously, the music there set a great mood for me. I was looking forward to just sitting down and relaxing but it made me do the opposite and stand up and shake my ass off.

10am was flute practice today. But that was also the time I woke up. Oops. Another new piece we tried out today. Woohoo! I hope to arrange another classical piece before doing another one from a musical or chinese pop. Let's see. 2 more weeks before performance days. I hope many people come - and I hope we do a good job.

A less busy week ahead I think. Jogging tomorrow, prob St James on Wed (if not then I'll meet ex-colleagues), and a birthday party on Saturday. All of which I'm looking forward to very much as usual.

A few people I'm hoping to meet up with and catch up soon. A rather long list, but I'll do them one at a time. Am I a very PR person? Not really you know. When you put me in a group, I'm the quietest. But put me one-on-one with people and I'm fine with just talking the night away. I genuinely want to hear how people are doing, and listen in on any new updates.. to catch up on how everyone's life stories are unfolding.

Still doesn't change the fact that I love being in big groups/parties. To see and be seen. And best, to just take my time to mingle around with whoever I want to, whenever I want to - and take a backseat to people-watch every once in a while.

I'm a strange gal. I've always known that. But I like being who I am. I love myself. I love my life.

Confused Busy Girl

2008-03-31T23:42:00.002+08:00

Friday morning started at the bus stop opposite my place, across the overhead bridge. How funny that my evening ended that exact bus stop too.

I know I said I would drop by Nana but I didn't. I landed up at St James for 1 glass of white wine and some dancing but that was it. Didn't spend much time there.

Saturday night was much more interesting. I got invited to a housewarming party of a colleague I didn't know. Cool huh? Haha! Mr German Colleague was so nice to ask me along, and I got to meet with a few people there I never had a chance to talk to in the office.

Somehow the champagne kept flowing and time kept flying. By the time I went to look for YL and my sister, the soccer match was halfway through. Oops.

Sunday was only spent on flute practice. I was exhausted from the night before you see.

This week will have me meeting old colleagues at my previous work place, attending the musical "We Will Rock You", attending my convocation, going for dinner with Jass and the rest, flute practice again but on Saturday this time.

I logged in thinking I'd write a lot - but I realised I didn't know what to write. Maybe it's because I'm simply confused. It's always a wonder how nothing can ever stay perfect for long. I guess these ups and downs are what makes life such a journey. An adventure.

One moment your work, love, family and friends are all working out well. The next moment, one of them starts to crumble, another has cracks, and the whole world feels as if it's crashing down on you. Then somehow, things do get better, back to the "perfect" state, and the cycle repeats itself.

I think that things will change after New York. Out of sight, out of mind. Or does absence make the heart grow fonder? I think the former is more like it. I don't want it to be the case - but it is only right that I hope so.

The clock is ticking.. April is here.. the time for goodbyes is near.....

Erm.. oops?

2008-03-27T01:10:00.002+08:00

I saw an old video of me during the last band concert when I had long hair. I also saw an old photo of me with it. So I figured, why not try leaving my hair longer this time? Again!

I rebonded my hair and turned back time to how I looked like when I was 21 - I looked 18. And now, I look that same way again.

Damn.

Hope it works in my benefit. I like how my hair feels light again once more, but I'm also looking forward to it being longer (if I didn't rebond, then my hair would grow out very frizzily). Once it is, I'll colour and snip up a different hairctyle again.

That will take a few months so I'm not going to worry about my hair till then. For those who know me, you know that appearances are not my priority.

I liked the reactions I got from colleagues though. Everyone noticed. Fine, it was hard not to. But it was nice still.

Had dinner and drinks with colleagues today at Pahang Street. Good food, nice place - and of course fantastic company. Some of them went home after, while I went to look for another 2 colleagues in Chinatown. Had a great time talking there too.

THere's going to be breakfast for the team tomorrow morning. Yay! Very unhealthy breakfast bee hoon, but I hope the team will get to eat together at least.

I hope I'm not messing up at work. I know there's plenty for me to follow up on but I haven't gotten down to doing so. I need to buck up - at least before going to NY. Plus I need to speed up the editing of the thesis. I'm taking too long.

It feels good to be busy. Expecting to see some ex colleagues again soon. Sunday is flute prac. This Friday on leave so I must collect certificate, go facial + collect my gown. At night, may go Nana. Next week I'm supposed to arrange a lunch appt. Wed night I can't remember what's supposed to be on. Thursday night is the musical. Next friday convocation, then dinner at Sin Hoi San with Jass and the rest.

I'm confused. So many things going on. But I like. To be exact: I'm loving it.

I must not fall in love

2008-03-24T18:12:00.000+08:00

Oops. It's been a week again.

There were 2 very nice big gatherings last week. Wednesday night at Balaclava and Thursday night at Thumper. Both very fun. Both different set of colleagues. Different feel.

My long weekend was spent mostly on trying to do some work on Mr German Colleague's thesis. He needs to submit it very soon and I am leaving end of April for NY so I need to speed up my editing. This thesis was definitely longer than I expected. A LOT longer. It's like a freaking book.

But I promised I'd help. So I will. I may not be the best in English, nor may I be the best at understanding data warehousing, but the fact that I can make out what he is trying to say on paper does put me in a position where I may just about be the best person to help him through this.

Apart from that, I managed to do up yet another flute quartet. Easy piece to play but ... somehow the arrangement sounds very strange. See how it goes later this week.

Caught the Malaysian F1 Grand Prix on TV with sis and dad. Very good race I must say. I stopped watching the races for 1 year. And that was when the F1 fever picked up. Funny. I wonder how the Singapore night race will be..... Meanwhile, the latest season of CSI is gooooooood. YL.... jealous? Hahaha!!!

I'm planning on going for a haircut this evening. Too bad that the salon Next is full and can't take me for an appointment. So I'll be selecting any random shop. See what happens when I come to work tomorrow. Who knows, I may not even get a cut because I can't find another salon there! Haha!

It feels like the monsoon season with all this rain. I'd very much like to organise a zoo trip, or beach day, or swimming session, but the weather is seriously discouraging. A KTV session or more drinking sessions sound more like it. Anyway, NY is on the way up already. so I don't need to worry too much about not having anything to fill my time.

My convocation is next Friday. This Friday is the fitting of my gown. I don't even know where the ulu place is. Blech. Hope they call and confirm the appointment so I can ask them for the address again. Need to take a day off. 1.5 days to be exact.

Next week: We Will Rock You with Jiahui! That's on Thursday. But who cares. Watching another musical!

My dept's new temp gal Ivy asks me to go to Nana this Friday. Some Thai club that was at the space that was Momo. Will probably go take a look. Hmm... see how it goes for the week first.

I'm getting increasingly frustrated with myself for getting so close with someone I'm not supposed to. As I continue to tread on this path of wrongdoing, I blame my selfishness......
Whatever happened to the very morals I used to stood by?
When and why did I start letting loose of all my inhibitions and just did whatever I felt like?

What a sinful start to 2008. But it'll change. I'm very sure of that. For this is just temporary. We're, after all, just friends. And will only be able to go so far as this.

Short week. Yippee~

2008-03-17T23:55:00.002+08:00

Lest anyone thinks I'm "drinking my sorrows away", trust me, I am NOT.

It just so happens that different groups ask me for the same catching-up session on different days. I'm not one to turn down good company. The food/drinks/location are always secondary.

It's a short week, but long days ahead in the office. Not so much for me, but for my boss and fellow team members. Credit crunch is hitting hard. I'm just an admin girl and may not be able to help much, but I will do whatever else I can to contribute. I like my job - and I like that it keeps me busy.

But busy as I may be, I want to be able to do up another couple of flute quartets when I get the time. Perhaps this long weekend would give a good window for that. Maybe one day we'll be able to get an alto flute so we can play a wider variety of pieces - and sound better too!

Don't you hate it when you're attracted to someone you know you shouldn't be to? It's irritating as hell. I feel as if I'm playing a game. Only that it really is not. Am I up to it? I think I am. But I need to start building a thicker wall. The pre-existing one is in need of repairs. Every once in a few years it needs that little maintenance.

I should do an overhaul this time. My mind needs to be stronger than the heart to do this. I don't want to grow cold.. but I've done this before, and I sure as hell can do it again. I have to.

Meanwhile, my "happening" life (as my colleagues like to call it) will not stop. I don't hope it will. I miss going to the beach, or lazing around the pool. And I think a visit to the zoo may be in order one day too.

There's lots to do. I just need to find the right company - and dig out the time. :O)

Drinking week

2008-03-15T16:14:00.002+08:00

It was not meant to be such... but I can't help it if people ask right?

Tuesday night was a division dinner. Awkward but interesting. Drank some wine. Just a tiny bit.

Wednesday night was meant to be alcohol free - but it landed up with 1.5 bottles of Johnnie Walker amongst 4 people.

Thursday night was something I called for amongst some colleagues. Just to chill out. Partially because of 1 birthday girl. And partially because I was on leave on Friday. 0.5 bottles of that Johnnie Walker and 1 bottle of champagne amongst 7 people. And another bottle of champagne amongst me and another colleague.

Friday night was ironically the one I drank the least at. Maybe because of my ridiculous cough. And also because I was really tired. My leave was cancelled. So naturally I was more tired than usual.

Some more drinks tonight. A girl I met on Tuesday asked, so... why not? Haha! I can do sit down drinks and talking, but no dancing. Not these 2 days I think.

Flute practice tomorrow morning! Yippee! Need to practice hard so I won't spoil the performance in April.

With the market volatility like this, I don't think I'll be able to take leave next week either. Poor boss. Luckily I don't have anything planned on my off days. Cancelling is no biggie for me. I can clear them any other time I guess.

How is it everytime I say I want to drink less, more people ask me out for precisely that?! ARGH.

Never mind. I'm glad enough there're people asking me out. That's the important part. :O)

The break-up: a revisit

2008-03-07T16:02:00.000+08:00

It's been a little over 4 months.

From the point of break up till now, I reckon I've been doing rather well. You know, surrounding myself with friends, keeping myself busy with as much as I can pack into my schedule... that kinda thing. It's actually been a good adventure so far.

Jass called this morning for a chat. I miss talking to her so much. But somehow our schedules have been clashing. Hoping to meet next Wednesday. At last. But that's not the point of this entry, although it originated from her.

She updated me about my ex. Someone who she has become close to. She has become (as far as I can tell) a really good support and outlet for him.
Apparently he doesn't seem to be coping so well with the breakup. Sure, he's still laughing and playing, but deep down, it's not all so rosy. I've said it before in earlier posts, but to hear it from her again just brought me back to the reality of "losing" someone so close.

Do I miss him? Of course! Times that I want to pick up the phone just to sms randomly, or call.. or whenever I want to go somewhere and need to look for company... I've got lots of friends to choose from but it's different, though I probably don't let it affect me as much because I tend to keep my focus on everything else instead. Missing him is a feeling I bury with anything else I can find. [Therefore, the busy schedule...]

But to hear about how he's doing now without me... I admit it, I melted. For a while. For a bit. Just knowing that I was not just another girl to him.

If he asks, will I go back to him?
I won't know until it actually happens, but at the moment, I'm sticking to the story that if someone wants me, he has to win me. Same for everyone. If he hopes that one day he can just walk back into my life and expect me to just get back together with him, well, I'm afraid it's not going to be that simple. I need to know that I am not taking a step back. That no matter who I may get the chance to be with is willing to move forward together. This applies to anyone. Even him. No, if I ever got a chance to go back with him, I wouldn't see it as a step back. For me to say yes, I would have made sure it is a step forward.

I can say all I want now, but I am very confident this will not be happening. He won't ask for us to be together again.

And I am not going to allow myself to keep such hope in me. I know better than to do that.
If there's anything that can crush a person (in the love department), it's hope and expectations.

But really, do I have that hope?
If yes, is it because I still have feelings for him? After all, it's only been 4 months. Not a particularly long period of time to forget someone.
If no, is it because I have given up? Or could it be that the "distractions" I've been lucky to have these past months have been extremely "effective"?

I know him so well. Jass didn't have to elaborate much and I understood completely.

Suddenly I'm seemingly thrown into confusion again. But I've always been somewhat confused in the first place.
I don't feel depressed, but neither am I jumping for joy. More like ... I am unsure of what I should feel.

Instead of brooding over this, I ought to again, bury myself in even more appointments, more drinks, more parties, more flute arrangements.......

I'm not running away. Because there is nothing to run away from. All I have are memories of the past, and updates of the present. I have absolutely no decisions I need to make, nor things to address. So no, I am not running away.

I am simply trying to move on. Every step I take is to go forward. To see what's in store.

My adventure continues...

Wasted weekend

2008-03-01T10:58:00.002+08:00

I'm sick. Crap.

Been ill since earlier this week but I still had to go to work because of some stuff that had to be settled. THat was ok really, but what I don't like is having to use the whole weekend to stay in! ARGH!

If I was well, I could go for a swim, catch a movie, eat all the favourite foods....

But NOOOOO. What am I doing? Taking my lozenges, flumicil, cough syrup and gargling with salt water..... ARGH!!!!!

On the up-side, I found the time to do up 2 flute quartets this week. An easy one called "Dream A Little Dream Of Me", and my 'masterpiece' - a medley of songs from Tchaikovsky's The Nutcracker Suite. The longest one I've ever done up - and would be a great feat to pull off.

I must aim to recover by tomorrow afternoon. If I don't get to play it, I at least want to hear it get played on real flutes. I can't wait!

It's ironic. How a girl like me - who has always condemned those who cheat on their partners - is being put in the situation. No, I'm still swinging single so that means I'm not the star. To be so close to someone who is already attached... surely, I must be the one in the wrong? Yet why is it I am still lingering around?

I simply concluded that I'm evil. That's why.
But that's a totally different story altogether. Shall share it next time perhaps? Let's see.

NY NY in May. Need to plan the itinerary and stuff. My 2 friends have been doing all the ground work. I really need to contribute and not just leech off them. I'm such a bad pre-traveller. But I assure I'm a good traveller! I can walk long distances without complaining and will go just about anywhere! :O)

Drowsiness is setting in. I'm going to tinkle on the piano a little bit. Shall leave TV for later today.

Must. Get. Well. Fast.

Back to music

2008-02-24T20:18:00.003+08:00

Flute performance coming up again! Yippeeeee! Expected to perform on 23rd April (Wednesday) at The Esplanade's concourse. A 30minute free-for-all performance.

Details later on but we're beginning our practices again! This means I've got more motivation to try to arrange more pieces. I've got a few in mind actually, but ... they'll require several hours in front of the computer. I hope to do it within the coming week.

Had a Energy Reading session earlier today. Not sure if that's what you call it. Anyway, a friend of mine (the other girl who plays the flute) knows the owner of this shop called "Faeries' Retreat". Very nice secluded place.

If you're into yoga, tarot card reading, crystals, etc... this is the place to be. It was my second time there but this energy reading thingy (like the palm reading) was somewhat fascinating.

She told me to just love whole-heartedly. Regardless of whether it would work out. Because she saw a part of me that was simply holding back. It was ... very interesting. She saw different things for different people.. I take the things that were said in my stride I guess. There's a big truth in what she said, but it's up to me to interpret what it truly implies I should do.

The past week had me going jogging twice a week. That was tough. But it definitely helped make me feel a tinsy winsy bit healthier. Bet it helped a bit with my flute playing today too.

The air show was quite all right too. Kudos to the Singapore Air Force for putting up such a great display. I was feeling a little out of place going with a bunch of 5 Germans. No... the "Mr German Colleague" I've spoken about here was not present. I did however meet some of my ex colleagues there. It was nice seeing them again. Introduced one of my other German colleagues to them. Too bad he's going back to Germany already.

March is creeping up already. My schedule looks good so far.

I've yet to figure out my long term goals and what I wish to achieve. I think I'm living life pretty well right now but I know that these questions will haunt me when the partying and other frivolous stuff die down.

Everything is in place for me so maybe I'll ponder upon it only when something changes. I guess that's usually when it is a good time to ponder. Let's wait and see.

I remember I used to relate to what Belle in Beauty & The Beast sang: I want much more than this provincial life!
She was singing about how mundane everything was, and how she wanted an adventure. As much as sometimes I do look upon this I wonder for myself if I could have one, I have no intention of inviting such unnecessary trouble. I'm past that stage and reached a good point in my life.

I just hope that one day my prince will come........ I know that to ask for him to appear now would be a little demanding, but I would like to hope that it will happen one day.

Where's my exotic guy huh? Hahaha!

Counting down to mundane-ness

2008-02-17T23:40:00.002+08:00

After CNY wraps up completely, it's going to be back to the "mundane" life - all the way until the next festive season which is essentially December.

But that's a good thing anyway. What gooe is an entire year of festiveness? There always has to be "downs" to appreciate the "ups". Like how you must watch the not-so-nice films to appreciate the good ones.

I caught Juno on Friday night. A good change from clubbing. Good film. I won't say it's the type you absolutely have to catch in the cinema, but it's definitely worth a watch.

Another simple but good time spent on Saturday with friends who play the flute. We went to Loof for a drink and it is one really nice place. I think I'll go there again someday.

Went to my colleague's place today and saw (almost) everyone's kids. So cuuuute. Haha! Unfortunately I landed up downing a few glasses of red wine. It was good wine, just ... alcohol again. Consolation was that everyone drank just as much - if not more. Haha!

Having dinner with a friend tomorrow at Timbre. Both of us need to mope about our non-existent love-lives. Hahaha!

As for Tuesday, I should be going to Faeries' Retreat at Prinsep Street. Had a short flute performance there once last year. I remember the place so well because of a palm reader that was present at that time. It would be nice to get my palm read again but I know he won't be there. Maybe I could engage him for an hour next time and see what more he can tell - because during that short reading, it truly intrigued me.

Seems like my week is already starting to get packed. Good good.

Miraculously my flu started to disappear on Friday. Lucky lucky. I seriously do not want to sound like an alcoholic but I did have a glass of wine on Thursday night. Hmm...

Naaaah! Rest is still the key to recovering. No worries people! I'm still a social drinker! It just so happens more people are asking me to drink nowadays than before!

As the "mundane-ness" sets in, I'm expecting my life to get back to the work-home-work-home routine soon enough.

It's always interesting to ponder upon how my life will unfold.
Is it as fun to read it when I type it out here? I imagine it has to be.
Otherwise you wouldn't be reading it, would you?
:O)

V. Date.

2008-02-15T18:26:00.001+08:00

It is ironic indeed.
After so many V-days attached, this time I am single and actually "celebrating" the day. It was an absolutely pleasant surprise to receive a call from the reception saying that I've got flowers.

For the first time in my 25 yrs (ok, this is to be my 26th year in this world), I received a bouquet of roses. The feeling ... was exhilarating.

But in case anyone's wondering, no, no one is trying to woo me to be his girlfriend. This is more a ... friendly gesture? All right. So it's a little bit more than just "friendly" but, no, as much as all these is sweet and dream-come-true material, it is simply just what it is - an extremely kind gesture that I truly appreciate.

Dinner yesterday night was at a small Italian restaurant tucked away in an obscure part of Singapore. It was simple but rather closely authentic I'd think. I won't know till I've gone to Italy, but he picked out a couple of items that were common over there. Interesting.

We took our time through dinner, which is not often done here in busy Singapore. It felt good. :O) By the time we finished eating and left the place, it was 10:30pm. We took a nice loooong walk... from Thomson to Orchard...

Vacant cabs were non-existent until after midnight, so it was only until then that we got on one, and made our way home.

You know what my original plan was? Pack dinner home, eat it in front of the TV, and go out for a walk somewhere after that. I wasn't feeling sad or disappointed about my plan but I must say that being asked to be someone's valentine just felt absolutely wonderful.

Well, that day is over. I could reminisce all I want, but I know better than to do that. As much as it was very nice, we're just friends, and will remain as that.

Resentment in my tone? Nah. Disappointment? Perhaps a tiny pinch. But more than anything, I felt desired.

Incredibly sleepy now. Doesn't help that I'm nursing a potential full-blown flu. I'm trying to suppress it for as long as I can. There's still another dinner tonight AND tomorrow night. Plus I am going house visiting on Sunday, AND there is dinner on Monday! HOW CAN I FALL SICK NOW?! No way no way! I must make sure I hang on!!!

Damn all the late nights, alcohol and CNY goodies..... Hahaha!

Over-drinking

2008-02-11T23:17:00.000+08:00

All the past few nights... CNY eve, 1st day, 2nd day, 3rd day... I spent them drinking. 2 of them with sister and friends, 2 of them with my colleague...

What the hell..
My liver is dying.

Plus I've been eating all these CNY stuff that I usually don't. Bet I look fatter now.

It's Monday and I'm finally feeling the heat from all of that. I'm falling sick. I'm even considering taking a day off tomorrow to rest because from Wednesday to Saturday, I've got plans! 5 Lo Hei sessions in all!!!

Can you believe it? I got more Ang Paos from going to work than over the past 4 days. Hahaha! That's because there were barely any to collect at home.. or when we went visiting. I'm too old to take - besides, I'm already working.

I hear that my alma mater CTSS is doing up a musical. Just contributed one of my flute quartet arrangements to them. Hope it's useful - for me and them. For their performance, and for me because of the reputation of the alumni band.

I've got plenty on my palette now. Teach my friend the piano, write up a couple more flute quartets, read up about New York, help my German colleague edit his thesis, arrange for a short getaway over the Good Friday weekend... all these within the next couple of months. Meaning: By April

As for long term plans.. I have no idea. My friend was telling me about how she really hopes to settle down and have a family one day. I told her that I used to have that dream too - till it got busted when my ex-bf left me. Not that I blame him, but I just don't know if that's really what I want now.

Sure, I'd like to find myself a guy to be with.. but until that comes along, I have yet to figure out what I see in store for myself in the future. My 5-year plan. I'm happy with my job, I love my colleagues, I adore my friends, I am still in touch with music..... I actually think I'm pretty content with what I have now.

Someone once said that success is being happy in life. And I am happy. Sure. I could be happier. Earn more money, own more things, etc etc etc. But I'm not so greedy right now. I'll take things slow and steady until I have a reason to speed things up.

Thank you peeps for still reading my blog. It never fails to fascinate me when I see comments on the chatbox or at the end of each post.

Lichen: If you come over I'll play the piece for you to listen ok?

Exhibitionist: It's nice fo you to drop by and leave comments. Appreciate it.

pplater: I always love it when you interpret what I write. And yes, you singled out a very good line. I love the irony of it. But I am sure this year will be no different from the rest - and to be honest, I don't think I really care since I never really did. :O) [Good for me I guess.]

Patrick: I still save your name as Bladey on my HP. I wanted to call you last week and searched Patrick but couldn't find it. Haha!

YL: Thanks for listening to me. And thanks for talking to me too.

Jass: We definitely need to catch up.

Chang: Got KTV just jio bah. but unfortunately this week cannot. Blech.

ZN: Never got to meet you little junior, but hope I will one day.

Ah.. heart says one thing and mind says another. The brain needs to win the battle this time. Taking one step at a time......

Just popped a panadol. Means it's time for bed.
Don't think jogging's possible for me tomorrow......

Happy CNY!

2008-02-06T22:40:00.000+08:00

Year of the rat is coming up in less than 2 hours.
To anyone who's seeing this: HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!

Enjoy the long 4 day holidays.

I think I'm just going to be doing a lot of eating and sleeping. Only Saturday's been set aside for going to friend's places.

4 Lo-Hei's next week. 3 of which with colleagues. So many.

Had lunch at Iggy's with my boss and colleague on Monday. SUPER DAMN NICE. It'd better be. THe bill came up to nearly $300 for 3 of us after all.

V-day is coming up. But I don't remember celebrating it in years. Ah well.

Not too sure if I'll be going out later. A little late to go out actually. Hmm.. Will see about that.

Just did up 2 new flute scores! Yay! At last!!! And I'm getting better at the pieces from the movie "Secret". Sure, I can't play as fast as Jay Chou, but at least I can play them in slow motion. Ok.. fine.. not all the pieces.. but at least 2 of the faster ones ok??? Heehee!

I guess nothing else is new in my life at the moment. Still trying my best to enjoy it. Because the last time I said life sucked, it only got worse. Ever since then, I made sure life didn't suck for me.

Mum just asked if I have a boyfriend. HARLOW!?!??! Where would I find one huh?!?! I don't even have dates can?! My mum so cuuute.

Time to go bum around in my room. Too-da-loo!

My poem.. my theme song..

2008-01-29T09:34:00.000+08:00

You read this here first! This is a poem/lyrics I wrote some time back last year.

I found it in my wallet amidst the bunch of junk paper. I'm proud of it. I think it looks great. Anyone with a melody for it, do share. Haha! Or maybe I'll come up with one.
Copyrighted by ME!!! So please do not reproduce ANYWHERE unless you ask me. MUAHAHAHA!

I don't know how you did it
But you won my heart
So if you still want me
You don't have to do much

I don't need jewellery
I don't need flowers
It's your little gestures
That'll keep my heart melted

I seek your affection
Your attention
Your thoughts on the future
Whether you see us together

An innocent cuddle
A lingering gaze
A peck on the forehead
Never in a haste

Call me your dear
Whisper into my ear
Please don't treat me as
Just another girl

Compressed Update .. again

2008-01-21T23:31:00.000+08:00

Oops. It's been another week since I last updated. Guess that just means I've successfully kept myself busy again - and that I am quite happy. Remember? People blog more when they're down. :O)

Another boring update of my fantastic life...

It was rather busy this week with Brewerkz on Monday night. One of my colleague's birthday. It was a simple dinner with a few drinks but we had loads of laughs. Very funny German and Italian guy was there and me and my gal-friend had such a ball laughing so much over everything. Mainly the cultural differences we all have.

I missed jogging on Tuesday (plus a KFC dinner in the office) to go for a little gathering Jass called for. My ex was there and although we're still not talking - and it's still really awkward for everyone - I think we're moving a step closer to "back to normal". It really is strange if I were to talk to him normally again. I have no idea what to say I guess.

I left them early (not because of him), but because I wanted to find out what has been happening at my ex company. So I went to meet my ex company's current AGM. Some tiny updates here and there... but made me miss them all the same.

Turned down a movie invite and a drinking session invite to go home and watch American Idol - and basically spend some time at home. Hey, I don't feel good spending so much time outside where my parents can't see me ok? I feel guilty too you know. Sure, I'm 25.. going on 26. Parents will still be parents. They need to see you to feel that you're safe and all right and still their kid. And I am their daughter. It's the least I can do.

Thursday night wasn't supposed to be so late but after jogging I needed dinner, but my entire team needed to work so I could only have dinner with my German colleague. Friday night was a birthday party at St James. Saturday night was drinking with my good ol' gang of buddies at Attica. While Sunday was simpmly a day for doing pretty much nothing.

It's Monday. Look at the time. It's almost midnight but no, I'm not blogging from home. I'm at work. Long long day today. Started work at about 8am to get things ready. Tomorrow I'll need to be early again. Let's see how I deal with it.

This weekend I'll be in Vietnam. Company trip - teambuilding and conference. Cool eh?
NY trip will be in May. CNY coming up really soon. As usual I will be trying to pack my schedule tight. But that is just about what I do every week so nothing new there.

Work hard, play hard. I'm living by this now.

Another cycle

2008-01-11T18:34:00.000+08:00

Work has really gone back to normal now. The pace has picked up and it's business as usual.

I went shopping with a colleague on Monday, but instead of shopping we landed up at Burger King chatting most of the evening away. She's flying to NY soon, and when I make my trip there in March or May (most likely the latter), I'll be bunking with her. Yay!

Tuesday was jogging day for my dept as usual. Pretty proud of myself for being able to jog through everything. Great improvement from the first time I jogged.

Wednesday was good-girl day. Went home very early after work - and by early I meant the sun had not set yet. It was relaxing but it also showed me that I needed to either go get a really engaging book to fill my time, find a new hobby, or spice up any existing hobbies I already have.

Thursday night was really quite off-the-cuff. She asked me out for drinks and of course I said yes. Poor girl was in an emotional rut. When it was me, she was there to listen, and this time, I knew I had to do the favour back. I was so glad she asked me, and I'm really glad to be there for her. Hope everything works out for her well.

As you can tell there really isn't much for me to tell. Tonight I'll be at City Space. Some place withiin Swissotel. My dear friend from last Saturday night suggested the place. Just gonna be me and her. Too bad YL ain't joining us tonight.

My schedule for next week looks packed though. Probably not so nice for my parents. As it is I'm barely home. I only go back to sleep. And that's just bad. Sigh. But it is a good thiing to have so many friends who are asking me out right? And also to have so many friends to ask out?

I need to be able to call on more people to go out with. I like to meet different people sometimes, and it's always wonderful if I can call out a friend, who can call another one along.

Going out is tiring. I think drinking just makes it worse. I've drunk so much lately I think my liver is dying. Hahaha! I know I know. more people drink loads more than me. It's just a feeling lah.

I'm sure more of you are interested in developments between me and that fantastic guy I've been having wonderful dates with. Well, like we've agreed, the dates have to stop. Or at least be lessened significantly. We're both grown ups and know what needs to be done I guess. Sure, emotions are a funny thing, but it's all in our own self control. The battle between our "angel" and "devil" in us continues everyday. I'm dealing with it pretty well so far I think.

What else can I do? I can only make sure I'm enjoying the moments while they last.
I just got to make sure that I'm clear about things and don't get hurt. It's that simple.
After all, what has he got to lose? What have I got to lose?

Simple simple weekend

2008-01-06T15:05:00.000+08:00

It was a slow work week. A lot of people were still in holiday-mood, or they were simply not back in the office yet.

Friday evening, I went grocery shopping with Mr German Colleague and another one of my colleagues. Why? Because we were planning a picnic on Saturday! Botanical Gardens!

I went to look for Jass and company later at St James. I was never supposed to go into the Boiler Room, but how nice, my ex-colleagues - Mr Loh in particular - were there and successfully dragged me in. Mr Loh! Nice to be mentioned here or not? haha!

Neglected Jass and company quite a bit. Not because my ex-boyfriend was there. It was really because I wasn't so much in the mood for clubbing that night. It was a good thing we didn't go back too late after. Patrick was nice enough to send me all the way home too. :O)

The picnic idea didn't work out in the end. It had to rain so it didn't happen. But we still had fun preparing the food earlier that day. We landed up in my colleague's house playing games, watching movies and having fun on the piano...

Simple and nice. All 6 to 7 of us, like Bintan... Ah we all miss Bintan.

Then my good ol' buddy - and hopefully my travelling partner to NY - called. Poor gal was so damn bored. She finally persuaded me to meet her at Holland V. None of the rest of my colleagues wanted to go except Mr German Colleague. Yay! More company.

So yep, the 3 of us bored people hung around Holland V for a while. My buddy drove us to Dempsey, ECP and a short little stop at Labrador Park too. It's sometimes really good to have a car huh? Well it was simple and nice, again..

A quiet Saturday. That was what it was. You see, I'm a strong advocate of just needing to have the right company. And once you have that, it usually doesn't really matter where you go or what you do any more.

If you want to see my photos (which I used to post up on this blog), come here instead. If you want to add me, pls drop me a message first. I don't just add anyone otherwise I think I'd have a lot of weirdos in my list now.

I was still without anything on for today half an hour ago. But although it's now raining, I'll be leaving the house in 15 min. Plans can sometimes be made verrrry fast huh?

Hoping for another good time today. Sans drinking. I've had enough of that. :O)

Time to leave things behind

2008-01-03T00:11:00.000+08:00

I know of 3 people who'll be going to New York this first half of the year.

My plan is to fly there for a couple of weeks and bunk in with whoever will take me. Heehee...

It'd be my first faraway trip. At long last.

But let's see how it goes. Depends on my schedule, depends on their schedules, and blah blah blah.

Yes yes, party's over. And I need to cut back on dates. I feel guilty enough. I don't want it to start eating me from inside.

Time to think about what I want. I need new dreams... goals... plans... Something to work for, something to achieve, something.....

2008 shall mark the beginning of a new list of things. My 5 year plan is now a blank. It never used to be, but now it is. I've been living without one for the past couple of months, and I've had enough fun. Back to the serious stuff again.

Now... what do I want?

A dream come true

2007-12-30T11:46:00.000+08:00

Unfortunately I cannot divulge the details but a dream of mine came true last night. A home-made dinner set with one of the best scenaries in Singapore, with apt classical music to match, and a good bottle of red wine. And of course, the most important, great company.

This was a scene out of a movie. It was something I never thought I'd ever get to experience, but I did. It was simply amazing. Talking, singing, and even dancing. And I'm talking about the waltz here.

Apparently some dreams do come true. I'm glad mine did.

It was only for a night. Like Cinderella. Only this will not involve any glass slipper, nor will it be happily ever after.

This one was truly for 1 night only. But it was enough for me. :O)

----------

Additional thoughts (31 Dec. 1:24am)
In case anyone gets any funny ideas, no, the night was really a simple dinner for him. Almost like a daily affair. Only for me it was a dream. So, no. It was something special for me, but nothing to him.

All these partying and going out will simmer down after the NYE party (wherever I may be). Come January, it'll be time to take a deep breath and step back. Concentrate more on my work, and find more projects to work on, more friends to go out with.

I am still very single and very available. Plenty of time on my hands.

Sinfully Merry Christmas

2007-12-26T23:40:00.000+08:00

The Christmas Eve party at St James' Boiler Room was probably the same as every other club - but it was the company that made the difference I guess.

I landed up there with some familiar colleagues and some I didn't know at all. But it was still good. We all had fun. Well, I had a great time.

Then on Christmas day I went to yet another party. A very simple gathering but still filled with loads of laughter.

It does seem that everything is ok with me right now. I think I am. But at the same time I'm a little confused too. And I'd like to sort out my thoughts a little before blogging. At least I think I should just so that I "sound" coherent.

Some questions swimming in my head... Am I really that needy of companionship? Am I really that needy of affection? These and more....

Don't get me wrong. I'm not unhappy. But I just don't want to take the wrong steps (if there are any). I'm trying to be really cautious. Careful. I ought to be shouldn't I?

Performance - Success!

2007-12-23T22:49:00.000+08:00

Hooray! The numerous practices have paid off. The performances ended on a great note and we all had a wonderful time.

I can't wait to see the photos myself.

It's the final week of the year. There's a Playboy party at Thumper tomorrow. Sounds very tempting to dress up and go. I've yet to decide where I'll be. Or who I'll be with for that matter.

Lots happening this week. The excitement is building up! Time for the climax! Party time!

Lots of food, drinks & performances

2007-12-21T17:22:00.000+08:00

Been eating loads of food lately - brownies, cream puffs, cakes... and drinking a whole lot too. What to do. I'm a social drinker. People around me drink, I'll drink too. Haha!

Please come and support me at the upcoming flute performance at The Heeren this weekend. Saturday 4pm & 6pm. Sunday 3pm & 5pm. Half an hour per show only so do drop by!

Tonight we're performing at a wedding. This one we're getting paid for. Must do a super good job. On Sunday we're performing at a restaurant after the 5pm show.

So fun to have so many to perform at!!!

It's been a very good December. I'm a little under the weather now with a cough but otherwise doing rather well.

Festive season is good. Everyone's in a good mood. I love being Miss Santarina, distributing all the little presents. Seeing how everyone is cheered up for at least that day. All the beautiful smiles. Warm tight hugs. And many lazy holidays. Heehee!

If only all these never had to end - but it will. Once we go into 2008, it'll be the madness all over again. But that's what life is about huh? Only after that madness do we appreciate the festive season.

I shall savour every moment.

One of the best vacations ever

2007-12-17T14:36:00.000+08:00

Yes. Bintan was absolutely fantastical. It was everything I hoped it would be - and I am pretty damned sure that it was the same for every single person who went.

The weather was perfect for us. The waves by the beach, the large pool, the warmth of the chalet, the buggy rides, the shooting stars.... And the company of some of the nicest people around.

We ate, we drank, we partied, we relaxed, we played, we rested..

It's back to reality now. Time to take out the laundry and clean up the rabbit. THen I'll go buy some snacks for the lovely people in the office before going for a few drinks - semi official thingy lah. Best not to miss.

I can't believe I actually made it to flute practice yesterday after I got off the ferry. But I did. May have more gigs coming up. Keeping fingers crossed.

The festive season is looking really good now. :O)

Still feels like the weekend

2007-12-12T23:24:00.000+08:00

As usual, the weekend was a packed event. But it's Wednesday already.. should I still be blogging about it? Hmm.. for my faithful readers like Bladey, YL, Jass and ZH...

Friday
I left the office when it was still bright and sunny. A very well dressed Mr German Colleague "picked" me up from my desk (which is pretty much simply 1 floor down from his seat lah). He looked great. Perfect for going to the Esplanade hall to catch the Philharmonic Winds in concert.

How often do you find a friend who can go with you to a classical concert, a rock concert, clubbing, lounging by the beach, or simply long walks?

This is a rarity, and that's why I find it utterly amazing.

Anyway it was a great night. We tried to go to Balaclava for a few drinks after but it was practically overflowing with people so we went across the road to another place for wine. And he taught me German! I can count from 1 - 10 in German now!!! Hooray!!! It probably bored him to tears in his brain, but it was damn fun for me lor!

Saturday
My ex-boss wanted me to help him with something so he picked me up in the morning. We landed up talking more than actually working. But it was nice to catch up with him.

I went home, caught a nap, then had to rush to flute practice. Performance days are coming up very soon. Next weekend to be exact. Nervous........

I went home after that to take a quick bath. Met up with Jass and Andy for a little bit of singing, then rushed off to meet Mr Biker Friend. Poor fella dunno wait for me for how long. Oops. Heehee! He fetched me to go meet up with the rest of the young bikers and it was nice to see the girls again. Obviously Mr Biker Friend must have been bored lah. I mean, he's waaaay much older than the rest ok? If I feel old, how does HE feel I wonder. Haha!

Huge jam at Telok Blangah road that night, thanks to ZoukOut. Heard from Mr German Colleague that he had a blast. And from the newspapers, I figured the same thing too.

Well later that night we went to the ever popular Yishun Dam. I saw a row of big bikes there but there always were rows of them anyway so I didn't think too much of it. Mr Biker Friend and I split from my young friends there. He supposedly had to go settle something, but I guess later on it was ok so we went bowling.

It's been years since I last tried to bowl. First 2 games I still kept my score above 90. By the last game my arm was aching and I only scraped 70+. Horrible.

Sunday
It was a lazy day but I managed to find something to do. There was a gathering at one of Mr German Colleague's friend's place (which is also a colleague lah). We went there for a swim, and because of the weather, a BBQ was not possible so some food was cooked instead. It was a wacky time. But it was so so so fun! The photos were hilarious!

Since I was on leave on Monday, I didn't want to waste the Sunday night. Mr German Colleague accompanied me to Boat Quay for a quick drink before heading home. Ah... Sometimes I think I talk too much that's why I'm always in need of company.

Monday
I spent the entire day alone. Went for a facial and shopped the rest of the day away. I bought loads of presents - and have yet to decide who to give them too.

Later that night a friend of mine told me that my ex saw me on Saturday night. Which was why he didn't want to go over and say hi to the whole gang.

You know what one of my young friends told me that Saturday night? That he told them he broke up with me because he didn't want to burden me with his loans, and that he doubted he'd ever clear them in 5 years, which was why he said he didn't think he could settle down with me.

It's like those movies/TV dramas.. where a guy breaks up with the girl when he finds out he has some kind of terminal illness hor? So sad sia. But yes, this is reality. I am still clinging on to the line when he said to me that his feelings for me are not as before. I think it is a lot easier for me to deal with this than the former.

It didn't really strike me as anything much till Monday night really. When that pang of affection craving hit. I hate it when it does. Whether I'm attached or not it still sux. But hey, I'm a girl, and it's bound to happen every once in a while.

Tuesday
What an extended weekend huh? I went out on Tuesday night to meet someone new - Mr Biker Friend No. 2! ZH! You are finally mentioned on my bloggie!!! Haha!!!

I met him after work. This guy who is 3 yrs younger than me has been one of the few I've actually bothered to chat with on MSN. First time meeting and it was really pleasant. We had dinner and spent the rest of the evening talking - though I did let my eyes wander around the wonderful range of displays.

He was a great listener.. something I needed that night.. And I went on and on and on. Oops. He was kind enough to listen, and to send me back after that too. :O)

Wednesday
This is today. We had 2 plans: If it didn't rain, we'd jog. If it rained, we'd catch Lust Caution.

It didn't rain.

So my colleagues and I jogged.

For the first time in 10 years did I ever jog so much. Wait. No. I don't think I've EVER jogged so much in my life. Hahaha!

We moved off in pairs. Me and my pretty colleague jogged together from the Esplanade all the way to Beach Road, before turning into the park along the river. We were jogging rather slowly compared to the 2 guys ahead of us, but silly us. We jogged right to the end (Marina Square) - and hit the dead end.

That meant we had to jog backwards almost to back where we managed to turn in (close to Beach Road), and then back again where we came from.

I don't know how many kilmeters we covered with the non-stop jog, but I reckon 5km minimum ought to cover it. It wasn't so much the panting that killed me - my leg muscles were the one giving way.

We jogged continuously for 45 min I think. Or maybe an hour. I never thought I'd be able to make it - but all thanks to my pretty colleague who pushed me on. Who made sure I did not stop.

My legs are starting to hurt, but it will be nothing compared to what I'll suffer the next 2 days.

Tomorrow
Going grocery shopping with colleagues to prepare for the Bintan trip on Friday. It's going to be really fun and exciting. We all can't wait for the shopping and the actual trip!

I'm taking an additional day off on Monday to recuperate from the trip. Lucky me! THat's because I'll be going for flute practice on Sunday afternoon when I'm back from Bintan. See? I'm making an effort ok?!

My family is bringing Kiki to Desaru during this same weekend. They'll be back on Monday.

I don't think I've ever had a boring weekend haven't I?

Well it's not gonna start now.

I'm still craving for a lot of attention and company, but I do think I'm doing very well up till now.

Still hoping to meet new people and all that.

Friends-I-already-know! If you go out in a small group and don't mind me as a little extra piece, ask me along ok?

People-I-have-not-met-yet! Leave me a message and let's see what our acquaintance can develop into!

Ok ok. So I may not always be available these days, but hey! I will try damn hard to be ok? How else do you think I run around meeting 1 group to the next in a weekend? Sometimes even in a day?

Just try to book me early lah. As long as the slot is empty, rest assured I'll say yes. :O)

Uh-oh

2007-12-11T00:21:00.000+08:00

I'm in that mood again. The one that craves affection. So sickening.
Post updates on my weekend soon.....

Dusting off any cobwebs

2007-12-06T22:43:00.000+08:00

I have no idea why it feels as if it's been a long time since I updated my blog when I only did it on Sunday.

Still, just making sure no webs are being spun here.

Going to be another one of those weekends again. At least I hope it will be like that. Taking a day off on Monday to relax. And besides, I need to clear my leave.

Loads of work to do, but the weekend starts tomorrow at 6pm. I need to get out of the office early in order to make it to the Philharmonic Orchestra concert! But then again, no point being able to leave early if my concert-partner can't leave on time.

Ah well. It'll be another adventure won't it?

PS: Photos of me at the D&D on my facebook 'cos others have loaded them up and tagged me. I love that function. I don't need to do anything. Wahaha!

It's good to be me

2007-12-02T16:54:00.000+08:00

I think I'm just too lazy to post photos up. Maybe I will if there are requests or when I'm free, but just not at the moment.

After all, I only got home at 7am this morning. Oopsie.

It has been quite a rollercoaster ride this week. But which week hasn't huh? But I think especially so this week.

Thursday
D&D Night! This was the night me and my fellow colleagues have worked hard for! My first D&D!

Like the band concert, preparations for the night started in the day. We had to arrange the logistics, dry-runs, blah blah. It was a hectic night overseeing the proceedings of everything from reception to stage, but it was extremely fun.

Actually I don't know why I was the one doing the overseeing. Hmm.. but whatever. It's already over. No point going through all that nitty gritty stuff again.

I won myself a portable DVD player that night. How wonderful. Yippee!!! My boss struck a $200 voucher and gave it to me! But I'll use that money for grocery shopping before the trip.

What trip I hear you ask? BINTAN!!! I'm going to Bintan with my colleagues from 14-16 Dec. We've got ourselves a chalet there. No private pool though, cos it was not available. Nevertheless, A GETAWAY! YAY!

Ok, back to the D&D night.
I only managed to finally get a drink after the whole event was over. There was some dancing that probably blew any squeaky clean reputation I had out of the window.

And that was without any alcohol in me yet.

When I did get myself a drink, I went around checking that everyone was having a good time. I just clanked my glass against anyone I knew was from my company. You know. The usual "try-to-be-a-good-host" kinda thing.

Made me pretttttty high after a few glasses. I don't know how many I drank. But hey, It was a fantastic night. I partied till 2am with another girl from the committe who worked her ass off for this.

She was so high too. Damn. I'm bad influence. Yikes.

Friday
I managed to make my way to the office somehow. We all did. The day went by quickly with some tying up of other stuff from the D&D, and my real job duties.

That night, we were to go to the Rec Club D&D! Haha! So tired and lack of sleep but we still went for Round 2 anyway. The best part was that after the D&D we went for KTV!!!!!! Oh my goodness. Can you imagine how crazy we are? haha!

The most interesting part was Mr German Colleague joined us! WAHAHAHA! He didn't have a clue what we were singing most of the time, but there were plenty of videos he took I think - and unfortunately he has put them up on youtube. OH Nooooooo..

Saturday
I climbed out of bed only because Kiki made me. I was exhausted, but I was also late. Late for a wedding lunch at Four Seasons Hotel.

I just put on any dress I could find, and popped into a cab. I was just in time to see the solemnisation. Lucky me.

What surprised me that afternoon was the fact that my ex was there. I really did not expect it, considering how broke he always was and how busy too. But he was. I didn't talk to him, but I did say goodbye before I left.

But he ignored me!!! Argh.
Haha! He did sms me later when I was waiting for a cab though. Apparently he had just woken up from having had 2 glasses of wine, and didn't know I was saying bye at all. Whatever. Good to know we're still on talking terms.

I was too much in a hurry to flute practice anyway. And flute practice was another 3 hrs. Ahhhh.. very very exhausting. Still, I think I've improved my playing!!!

In case you didn't know, this is the next event I'm involved in:

I'm too damned busy huh?

I got home, tired and hungry. I ate the porridge my mummy cooked, and promptly crawled into bed. Only to wake up at 10pm and get ready for more drinking.
One of my colleagues is going back to India on Wednesday. It's one of the best friends of Mr German Colleague. This Indian colleague was the same one who I went with for the Linkin Park concert too. Very funny guy.

I've always been used to being quite the odd one out when going clubbing - but this was different. There were 4 Indians, 1 Filipino, 1 German. I was the only Chinese! WAHAHAHA!

Either my threshold for alcohol has improved over the past few nights of partying, or the alcohol content in my vodka orange was rather low. I'd think the latter.

Everyone went back by 3am, leaving me and Mr German Colleague left. We had a nice stroll along Vivocity where I told him more about the culture and people in Singapore. Very interesting stuff to him I think. I hope. Haha! He didn't fall asleep when I talked so I guess it wasn't that boring.

And of course he shared some things about Germany and all the countries he's been to.

By the time we walked back to St James to catch a cab, the club had closed and there were too many people waiting for taxis. There were also too many taxis changing shift.

We just stood there talking some more and by the time we did manage to get a cab the sun had risen. I got home at 7am. And there explains the start of my post.

I am a little drained today. But am feeling rather good about myself.

I managed to pull through the D&D with rather good feedback.
I managed to let my hair loose on Thurs and Fri nights.
I managed to be strong when I saw him at the wedding.
I managed to improve in my flute playing.

Everyday's another day to learn something about myself. The limits I can push myself to.

Another work week coming up. I need to clear my leave. Haven't found a day to do so. My boss will finally have me back full time. I hope I didn't screw anything up within this time that I've been too busy with the D&D.

It's been a long time since I've stayed home all day. Today is that day. I've got a good life. Would be even better if there was someone to love me, but hey, I still won't deny it's good to be me.

PS: Here's my facebook profile for anyone who is interested. I love Scrabulous!

Weirdo Me

2007-11-27T12:00:00.000+08:00

Indeed it's been a month and now I am feeling a little empty.
But then again, it could just be my period making me feel this way again. After all, like I said, it's been a month.

The D&D is on Thursday. It's Tuesday now. How exciting. I want it to end so I don't need to worry so much about it, but I don't want it to end because I really do enjoy organising such things. I'm a weirdo I tell you.

Another 2 firsts last weekend. Mr biker friend brought me to this place in Sengkang. A jetty to be exact. Damn. I didn't know that Sengkang was actually along the edge of Singapore. What kind of Singaporean am I? Haha! It was a nice quiet spot that was very safe - 'cos there was a police post there on that tiny stretch. Interesting.

The other first? I went to Sentosa in the middle of the night and finally made a stop at the long-ago-opened Cafe Del Mar. It was another very enjoyable time. Plus, the movie we caught that night was Enchanted. Truly enchanting. Hilarious and very romantic. The singing and dancing is exactly how I used to dream I could be in the real world. If only huh?

Every year I come up with a wish list that never comes true. Since when did I ever get any of the items on the list? Never. So I've decided to come up with a more realistic one (just in case anyone plans to get me anything. Heeheeheeheehee..)
1) A tiny portable radio with earphones - something I can put on my office desk and play on speaker mode or for myself
2) That particular pair of Levi's Crystal jeans (waiting for Jass' 25% off to buy it)
3) That particular pair of black Charles & Keith boots size 37 (i just want a pair of boots lah.)

I'm sure there'll be more to add to the list but at the moment this is all the space my mind has got.

Before I fell asleep yesterday, a thought just struck my mind: I realised that my friends are very lucky to have me. Just like I am extremely happy to have all of them. I forgot what made me think about it, but I did. Like I already said, I'm a weirdo.

I've got so many various sides of myself - and each group of people bring them out. It is so very fun to have friends from all the various different walks of life, with different interests, different habits, different backgrounds. I see a different side of life everytime I hear the situations they face, how they deal with them, and get to understand each one a tiny bit better.

You've got to be me to understand how it fascinates me. I think it's because of my sheltered and pampered life. The extremely wonderful care that my parents have given me would have been taken for granted if not for the people surrounding me. They never fail to prove that my life has always been very good, and that I have been lucky in many ways.

I am a jack of "almost" all trades, but a master of none. But this is what has allowed me to move from one group to another seamlessly while being myself. I'm lousy at playing pool, nor do I know much about motorcycles, neither can I play any other games - but knowing a bit of each has helped in some way. Going along makes it easy to be with. Because to me, it's the company that makes the activity worthwhile.

Still, I'm a tad too easy to please aren't I? Whichever side I am showing, I'm still too easy. I am soooo upping my standard. But I will keep smiling and laughing just as much. Why not?

The stories I tell are the same, and the way I speak doesn't change. Yet a different side of me is displayed each time. It's not even about the mannerisms. I don't know how to explain it. Like I said, you've got to be me to understand it. Or perhaps see me in action.

I am out to know more people. And continue building stronger ties with those I already know. Part of my resolution perhaps.

There's so much to discover out there. I know most people enjoy travelling to see the world and experience different cultures, etc etc... but I think there's a whole new world behind each person I meet. All around us. Everyday.

Life is an adventure. Live it. Love it.

"I've been dreaming of a true love's kiss... da da da la la la..."
I don't think I'm ready to fall in love again so quickly... but damn it. I am actually looking forward to it.
Please let there be someone who'll come along to love me for the weirdo I am....... :O)

7 days to D&D

2007-11-22T23:17:00.000+08:00

I love doing events but this is taking up quite a bit of me. Which can be a good thing I guess. Takes my mind off stuff. Actually not stuff. Just the breakup.

I've been dealing with it very well I think. Been able to get on with my life and push myself pretty hard. It's a good test for me.. see how strong I am on the inside. And I realise I am indeed as strong as I think I am - but of course, I can't keep up this front forever.

I had a moment of sadness today. It was a good indication of how I was doing up till this point. Hearing about him didn't do me in. It was hearing about him but no part of it abt him being miserable that made me feel disappointed.

But no. I shall not let that get to me. It's good that he's moving on as normal. So it means that it was right for him to dump me. And that I should find someone else. I don't know. And to be honest, I don't care. I've past that stage of thinking abt what's on his mind.

It's been a month already. That means I've also known Mr Biker for the same period of time. He's been the one getting a whole load of my attention when it was not on my work or other friends. Sad to say, like a substitute for the energy I'd usually put in for my ex.

Poor thing. Hope he doesn't fall for me lah. I'm sooooo not able to fall for anyone at this point of time. Still he's been really nice to me. I'm not taking it for granted at all. I appreciate it, and return him this kindness too.

There have been many lives I've walked in and out of, and many have done so to me too. I wonder how far this friendship will go. Like all friendships I've built, hope it'll last.. if not, then at least make it that my stay made his life a lot brighter and happier.

Another busy weekend ahead. All planned out. Back to back appointments. Good!

7 days to the D&D.. then I'll finally have a lot more time to myself - and to meet all the people I said I'll meet up with!

YL, YX, Zhenlin, etc etc etc etc etc.... so many lor... good lah. Keep myself busy as usual.

Flute quartet performance coming up. Please please please go to The Heeren on 22 and 23 Dec to listen. More details will be out when the poster is done..

Stay tuned.

Too many to meet, too little time

2007-11-18T16:27:00.000+08:00

I would like to write down all I did over the wkend - that means starting from Friday... but there's just so much to share...

Friday:
Knock off at 9pm
Go to St James
Midnight @ Kbox

Saturday:
9am in office
1pm lunch
3pm Flute photoshoot + practice
7:40pm meet wenlong to watch a play
1am: meet mr biker for a ride

Friday was a very busy work day. Me and my colleague who's also in the D&D committee didn't even have time to eat lunch. We grabbed something to bring to the meeting room to eat during the discussion.

Later that evening another colleague bought donuts in. What a life saver. I munched one down, before continuing with the work required. My poor boss.. I hope I'm not sacrificing too much attention from her to this D&D. I know it's somewhat been affecting my main scope, but I have to buck up and make sure it doesn't any more.

Back to work. Well, both of us girls (and another 2 guys from the committee) stayed back till 9pm to help us with the decorations for the pantry area. THank goodness otherwise we'd never had been able to get it done.

Still, we told each other that we had to come back the next morning to do some finishing up.

I hurriedly left for St James to meet Jass, Patrick and Andy. Supposed to do some drinking but I guess we were too tired. Never managed to get around drinking much. It wasn't much later that we changed location to CINELEISURE KBOX!

I like ktv. sing, listen to pple sing, watch MVs... I like. Haha! Only later on did Mr Biker-friend join us. Well, ok. More like he came to send me home. Haha! It was 4am by the time we left. But me being me, and didn't wanna go home despite falling asleep, made him accompany me to just talk at my void deck.

By the time I climbed into bed, I think it was 6am.

I woke up at 8:30am to go to office. I planned to come back at 11am when we were done. But I brought my flute along just in case. Luckily I did. 'cos by the time we were done, it was 1pm. Went for lunch with another colleague also working through the Saturday, and took a cab to my friend's place for flute practice.

My goodness. I was there early and guess what happened? I fell asleep! 10min worth of winks. Better than nothing. We practised, and snapped our photos for the poster etc, and we were done by 5:30pm. I took that chance to go home and catch half an hr of rest, a few mouthfuls of dinner and rushed off to meet old friend Wenlong at City Hall.

The play was "Postcards from Rosa", starring Neo Swee Lin (Phua Chu Kang's mother). First time I attended a play. The storytelling was good... and it was interesting to see her interact with the audience. After the play, I went over to his newly rented place to take a look. Watched something he made in film school, and went through all the wonderful rubbish he collected. Haha!

Whoever says something has to happen when a guy brings a girl home? I don't believe that crap if both are really friends. It won't happen unless you want it to.

He sent me home at midnight. I was incredibly sleepy. I laid down in my bed, and texted Mr Biker. It wasn't hard to jump up from sleep when I left the phone by my ear. I didn't want to waste the Saturday so I asked him to come pick me up for a short ride.

We spent a long time chatting at some park in NTU. Why there? No particular reason I guess. Just wanted some spot to sit down and chat. Didn't really matter where. Saw many cars and bikes go past at the expressway - all coming out from 2nd link. All speeding. haha!

The ride was short. Only the time spent talking wasn't. Oops. I got home at 5am again I think. It's nice when someone opens up to you. I still don't know him well enough, but he seems genuine enough to me. Not completely open, but genuine in the sense of being honest. I can be honest abt me and him, and he can be honest abt him and her. He was hurt very badly. A tad too many a time. And he's still healing slowly. But I hope I'm helping in some way.

I managed to sleep the moment I was lying on my bed. Slept uncomfortably till 3pm 'cos Ki kept waking me up. Blech. But it's Ki. Who can resist him?!

Dad's birthday tomorrow. We've got a simple dinner planned tonight at Orchard. Ki's going too! Oh. He just woke up. Means it's time to go!

Tomorrow's another day of work. I hope everything goes smoothly. Plenty of things for the D&D to be done. I really am falling for my job.

I'm falling in love again. With my life. Not that I ever really fell out of love for it. But you know what I mean. There are so many simple pleasures in life to appreciate. It's good.

Just play

2007-11-12T20:07:00.000+08:00

I went blading again on Saturday. I liked the feel of it. I definitely need to practice more though. This time maybe I'll try it at West Coast Park.

I knew Mr Biker-friend wasn't feeling very happy, but neither was I feeling too happy either - although the blading did help. Still, I was glad he really did turn up at East Coast Park to pick me up. He sent me back where I took a bath, then we went for dinner together. I really just wanted to go for a short ride, but in the end, we spent the night playing with Jass' son and playing cards.

I think there was some sort of miscommunication. I had asked Ken (the rest of the riders) that if they were going out, just let me know so perhaps I could tag along. But I think they read it that I asked them all to come out so we could go out together. Miscommunication I think. Sighz. Anyway, I didn't meet them. Like I said, spent the night at Jass' place. Only left at 4am. Poor friend of mine had to ride me all the way back home. Oops.

He's got lots of troubles on his mind. All of which I don't think I can help much with. But although he's such a loner, and prone to flashes of anger, I like his company. Or maybe I just like being on his bike. Hmm.... But I realise I really do want to cheer him up. It's as if I have taken it up as a new assignment for myself. He's not the kind who'll just open to anyone.. and I'm glad he tells me things.

I guess, in a way, he helps me keep my mind busy. I hope I am actually helping him and not making anything worse though.

Yesterday was yet another bizarre day. Going for flute practice isn't anything out of the ordinary, but getting a call reminding me that my friend's wedding dinner was that night, most certainly was. I rushed home from flute practice at 7pm. Quickly dolled myself up and went to the dinner at Bukit Batok. I had a good time catching up with friends as usual. No one mentioned my ex.. I guess they were all being really nice and sensitive.

But me being me... for some reason was just not in my best mood, actually said yes to meet another person I met online. I'd have called for others but I simply had to prove my point I guess. And because he reads my blog, I shall not elaborate. But let's just say I am not impressed by Mr Teacher. Not at all.

For the worrisome friends that I have, no, I don't just go around meeting every damn person I meet online. Don't worry. I have met some very nice people. And who says that just because I go meet a guy it means something? Hello.. I just need company ok? And meeting someone new can be a little exciting and

Hectic work day today. Internal audit. New staff. Boss' boss visiting for 2 days. D&D matters yet to be settled. Daily work to be done. Busy busy busy.

Tomorrow's the Linkin Park concert I'll attend with my German and Indian colleagues. Hope it's good. I need my sleep tonight. I don't think I'll be taking any day off until the D&D is over. Let's see how I hold up.

Mr German colleague is asking me to go Bintan over a weekend in Bintan. Think it'll be a good getaway. We're just waiting for the rest of the gang to tell us if they can make it too. He says he's going back to Germany after March. Ah well... Think that's why he's playing so much. If I were him, I would too.

But I'm playing now already aren't I? And why shouldn't I?

Bizzare

2007-11-10T04:51:00.000+08:00

That's how I'd describe my day.
And that's how I'd describe my night too.

Busy as a bee

2007-11-09T20:06:00.000+08:00

It was another first-time experience yesterday. I finally tried roller-blading!!!

The dread set in only after I was supposed to stand up. Thankfully though, throughout the 2 hours, I managed to keep my hands and butt off the floor. It felt a bit like ice-skating - only that I really suck at skating too so.......

Patrick was there without wheels so it helped that any time I screamed his name he was there for me to grab onto. And Jassmin being familiar with ice-skating could blade with ease. Another one to grab on to. Heeheehee..

They're going again on Saturday. Not sure if I want to go though. East Coast Park is mighty far for me. Though I think Mr Biker-friend may maaaaaybe not mind sending me there... hmm... He did say he didn't mind going for a walk there. He could be my standby to grab on to... hmm... Let's see lah.

Tonight I'm going for dinner and drinks with my good ol' buddy YL and my sister. Gonna ask Mr German-colleague to go along. He's a real joy to talk to and hang out with. The more the merrier right? Funny how I have so many different groups of friends then when I want to join them together, there are so many things to consider.

But it's fun. I like doing this. I like meeting people of all sorts. Then if I think they are a match, I'll introduce the 2 worlds together. How lovely!

By the way, in case you're thinking of what movie to watch, catch "Stardust". I know I know.. it's a fairytale.. but you will not regret watching it. I was extremely skeptical before going into the theatre but I walked out a convert. Superb story. Funny, romantic and most importantly, entertaining.

Next movie I want to catch is ... for those who know me it's no surprise... BEE MOVIE! I missed Shrek 3 and that was bad enough. I absolutely cannot miss another animation.

Things seem to be moving along rather well until I dreamt of him last night. It was rather bizarre. Here's what happened:

It was as if the setting was one of those desert places in America - long straight road, diner/petrol kiosk smack the middle.
But I knew it wasn't America. It was Malaysia. I don't remember the ride there, but I remember walking with the person who supposedly rode me in. And this person the leader of the group that my ex used to hang out with from the forum sgbikes.
I walked in, saw my ex at the corner, and conveniently settled into his arms. And he just wrapped them around me.
But I knew very well we had broken up. And everyone knew that. Only when I was queueing for food, did I wonder to myself - why did I do that? Didn't we break up?
As if that was not weird enough, once I got my food, the entire group left. And my ex was the one who said it was time to move off (not because they wanted to but because something was happening and that we all had to get out of there). I don't remember why though. He just told me and went off with the rest.
The person who I rode with asked me to get out onto his bike.
The rest was a blur because I do not remember getting onto the bike, nor do I remember seeing anyone riding off nor seeing anyone else's bike. It was just strange, as with all my dreams.

Anyway, yeah, that was that. I did wake up with a slight pang of pain in my heart... knowing that I didn't have someone to hug, or hug me any more.

But like I said, I am moving along. I am keeping myself occupied with as many activities as I can, and meeting up with all the friends that I said I would meet. And to be honest, I have been enjoying myself with the company of everyone who has kept me busy! Sure, I may lose my temper once in a while, but that's usually because of any waiting or lingering which I usually find pointless... because time is precious to me. As it is to everyone actually.

Ah well. What the hell. Hope people bear with me for the time being.

I am so damn stressed up at work over the D&D. It's frustrating.... but who ask me to like organising things? sighz....

Plenty of things going on I can hardly keep track.

That's a good thing.. isn't it?

Parents are back

2007-11-04T16:41:00.000+08:00

My parents were out of town for the whole week. They didn't know about my break-up till I sms-ed them the night before they flew back.

Now that they're at home, it's just a matter of time before my mum starts talking to me.. counselling me. You know.. stuff mothers do.

To be honest I think that would be one of the things to break me? I don't know. Even now that they're back, and Kiki is running about the house, I can feel a certain emptiness. No one watching TV with me. No one playing with Ki with me.

I know I'll get used to it, but it's something that's gonna be hard to do.

These funny feelings of nostalgia are just swimming around me. They well up once in a while, then subside when I get distracted. I was just listening to a new song "Chong3 Bai4" which means idolisation, sung by Fish Leong. The lyrics.. well.. read it.. I think most will agree it's something that describes what's going on in me.

Of course there're plenty of other songs to do that. It's just that this was the one I heard today and it struck a chord with me. No.. I didn't cry in case you're wondering. The tears are not coming .. yet. Heehee..

But the nostalgia is hitting me again. It's only been a week. But it's feeling as if it's been forever. I don't know if it's a good thing or not. Time will catch up with me. I must be strong when it does.

I went to catch Rendition with Mr German colleague. In case anyone is curious - NO, IT WAS NOT A DATE. He's a gentleman and all but hey, he's not into me, and at this point of time I really don't think I'm ready to be into anyone. Even Mr Biker.

I want to wait till people get to know me (and vice versa) before any wooing of any kind goes on. Wooing... What does it entail? I've forgotten... It's been so long ago. And when anyone wooed me, I don't ever remember any flowers or gifts. Blech. I made it too easy didn't I? Haha..

Until that begins, I shall just concentrate on finding people to have a good time with. I'm not afraid of being alone.. nor is loneliness a scary thought to me.. but having company does perk me up a lot more. It brings out the different sides in me. And only now do I realise all those sides. It's amazing. It's like each different group of people knows me as a different girl.

But really.. I'm just another girl. Deep down, the fundamentals are the same. I laugh at the same thing. Only what I talk about is different. They all know the same me. They just see different sides at different times.

Juz Another Gal.. juz_A_gal..
It's not just a nick. It's who I am.

Busy week - and more to come

2007-11-03T17:29:00.000+08:00

Whoaaa... seriously people... didn't know all of you actually kept up with my blog. I really ought to update more often huh? Should I? Heehee.. Popular demand then update. heehee..

I don't really know what to blog about though. Perhaps I should just keep a record of what I am doing to keep myself occupied. Perhaps this may help anyone who will have to suffer like my heart - but I hope no one should ever have to go through this:

Monday - My sister asked me to accompany her to Lunar at Clarke Quay. To be honest I thought it was nice, but a pity that the bands were not as good as Dragonfly's. Nice margarita. There, she told me briefly about why she had to make the trip down (on behalf of her friend). At that point I just figured that my problem was definitely not as big as her friend's. Got back home at 2am I think?

Tuesday - A little drained at work but managed to go on. Had a "date" with a cute German colleague. Said he could bring me out for a couple of drinks. Nice place at Emerald hill. Only $15 for 2 martinis!!! We talked a lot and I had a fantastic time.

Wednesday - This was my day off. I'd been looking forward to this 'cos I wanted to sleep in, go for my facial, massage, shopping and visit my old company. Added into the itinerary since the break-up was a haircut.

But what was the most surprising thing was waking up to find out my bike-friend smsed me saying he took half a day off to accompany me! How sweet was that?!?! Girls love surprises (pleasant ones of course), and this caught me off-guard really. He landed up being my chauffeur really and I felt a little guilty about that, but I had a nice short time with him. Short because the shopping didn't take up a lot of time. And obviously when I went to see my old colleagues all he could do was wait.

I went for a long haircut + colouring (something all girls MUST do when something drastic happens to them). He didn't wait because he had to rush home. Also good. Cos the wait would have been nearly 3 hrs. I haven't eaten the whole day except for a cream puff so I went to meet Jass, Patrick and Andy at Bugis.

On the bus back, Jass told me news that saddened and shocked her. But it's her story and I shan't share. But let's just say, it is still about bgr.

Thursday - I went back to work with people commenting on my hair and it was nice being noticed. I wasn't feeling too well though. All the skipping of meals and lack of water finally caught up. I still went for a brisk walk that day. My colleagues and I all stayed for dinner and by the time we got back it was so late.

Friday - It started off with just the throat. But by the night, it was the cough that nearly killed me. I still went to meet Jass and friends for dinner. By the time Mr biker-friend turned up, it was well past midnight. It was another enjoyable ride-around. I don't know since when did I enjoy going around like that. It's more the thrill than anything, and for some reason I enjoy feeling the breeze and the excitement of moving around on one.

Plus, it's nice when the girls are so kind towards me. One thing I'd like to see one day though, is that everyone would dress a little better on tides out. Not that I'm paranoid but you can never be too careful on the roads. It'd be nice if I saw everyone in covered shoes and long pants. Makes a difference for sure.

Saturday - Officially SICK. argh. That's why I'm stuck at home. Managed to climb out of bed to pop a panadol. But the weather looks so cooling today to hang out. Ah... maybe later? heehee.. no voice still wanna go out. oops.

Mr German-colleague is going to Zouk on Wed. Asked me to go along. Maybe he asked my whole dept's ladies too. Should be fun! Think I'll meet Mr Bike-friend next Friday again for a nice ride.

I wouldn't mind a few more to go out with? No, the criteria I listed in the previous post is purely for reference only. Who the hell goes around looking for people to date with a checklist?! I think I just need to meet more people and go out more. That's all. Takes my mind off things.........

And no, I'm not limiting to the guys - though they clearly serve as better distractions. I'm not some despo trying to get myself off the shelf. I'm simply back in the dating scene and am open to meeting new people from all walks of life.

A palm reader once said I'd land up with an exotic man. Exotic being someone very different from me. I wonder... I wonder...

Help me get over him

2007-10-29T15:39:00.000+08:00

Little did I know there were so many readers of my blog.

Thank you to all of you who have kept your silent vigil over me. I hope you continue to do so because it helps to know that someone out there is actually reading my thoughts.. and actually bothers to find out...

I only cried on Saturday. When I packed his things. And when he told me face-to-face.

The end of a 5.5 year relationship only end in so few tears? Impossible. I admit, it was the hardest I'd ever cried in my life. And this is my first ever heartbreak.
IT HURTS LIKE HELL.

I know it's not worth it, but I think dying is the only way to rid of this torture. Then again, small bursts of fear and excitement do help a bit now and then. Going at 200km/hr was mighty dangerous...

[Of course, it was an awakening to see one of the bikes in my group get knocked by a taxi and him fly into the bushes. Poor fella. Young guy. Luckily no major injuries. If he'd been geared up better his injuries wouldn't have been so bad.]

... but you know what? I don't care. He doesn't care. He probably never did.

Now, I can officially refer to him as my ex.

I've said the story before but perhaps I shall say it for the last time... he asked me to be his back in 2002... At my doorstep... It was simple and very sweet. I had been hurt by love before - but it was a very different kind of hurt. I said I was afraid but he asked me not to be. Asked me to try.... He convinced me....
Now.. he says that he doesn't see himself settling down with me in 5 years........ while sitting on my bed, in my room... I asked if we could just try anyway.... but he said no... that his feelings for me were not like before...

Guys will do and say anything to hook a girl up in the beginning won't they? Then at the end of it all, say a simple sorry and move on easily right?

I've heard all sorts of scenarios, prepared myself for this as best as possible. All the advices from the "textbook" of love, I'm applying to the best of my ability. But I'm told that this is just a phase, and that in about 2 weeks or so, I will probably feel the full impact of the break-up, and that I will most definitely breakdown.

I believe every word of it. I am strong - but not strong enough to hold everything in forever. I want this pain in me to go away. I want someone to hold.. hug.. but who'd let me? That person would be a substitute... and he'd know it.. It's not fair to anyone to be used like that...... And my new internet-known biker friend is turning exactly into that. I don't want him to have to be used like that. I appreciate all the time he's allowed himself to give up to keep me company and can only hope he doesn't mind me leaning on him a little bit for now.

I've got so many many many friends out there for me. I am very lucky indeed that the moment I told them of my heartbreak, they immediately offered their time and listening ears. Thank you. All of you. For it means a lot to me. But I'm afraid no number of listening ears would be able to help me feel any better for now. This is the first time I've ever had to suffer from such an indescribable hurt in my heart.

If any of you get contacted by him, don't tell me if he asks how I'm doing. But you could always tell him how absolutely miserable I am - and it is all because of him. And that if I should die or something happen to me, the onus would be on him.
Then again, I don't think he'd care. If only there was a way to make him more miserable than I was. I need to hate him. I want him to feel every bit of heartbreak I feel. And then some.
If you want to mention him to me, tell me how well he's doing.. how happy he is.. I think I should be able to transform that love into hate. One day, that hate would turn into nonchalance.

My mum doesn't know about this now. I'll let her know once she's on the plane back from her holiday. Sux right? Tell me when my parents not in town. He must really not like me at all any more.

What will happen in the coming weeks? Months?
- I will probably continue to wallow in my own sorrow.
- I will have to get rid of whatever he has ever bought for me.
- I will avoid all the photos I have had of him.
- I will be dependent on all of you friends - to listen, accompany me, and intro me new people!!!
- I will cry again - and probably do so before I sleep/once I wake up for a period of time.
- I will learn to hate him.
- I will not dare to fall for anyone else for a long long long long time.
- I will be even more wary of love than I already was.

Like a friend said, I thought that the next stage in my life would be marriage (as if I was ready for it anyway) - but it turns out that I am now back to square one. Just that to go all the way back to searching for another special someone? Nope. I'll stop doing the search. I want people to come look for me.

If you fit the following criteria:
1) Older than 25
2) Taller than 1.65m
3) Very loyal and faithful
4) Better than me at something
5) Like music
6) Seeking something long-term
7) Enjoy being with friends and family (read: able to get along with MY friends and family)
8) Able to support yourself
9) Single and available
10) Will love me wholeheartedly for who I am

let's meet up.

It's over

2007-10-27T14:49:00.000+08:00

After a fantastic 5 years, he's broken up with me.

I'm officially single now.

No more guesses. No more assumptions.

He said he just doesn't feel for me like he used to. Says he doesn't want to hog me for another 5 yrs only to tell me he won't land up marrying me.

How I could not feel it coming, I don't know.

All I know is that it's over.

And no reason/excuse can make me feel better.

It doesn't matter now... after I mourn... I must learn to move on...

Where is my boyfriend?

2007-10-25T22:24:00.000+08:00

He's avoiding me. The last time I heard from him was yesterday morning.

There are many things I'm guessing about him during this silence. Who knows where he's gone out to play too...

Still, I've spoken to his mum, who says he has been very depressed lately. She tells me he's spoken to him, and that he is just very confused and lost. That I don't need to worry or think too much. That he will call me. And that he does love me very much. But is afraid of disappointing me one day.

I don't know why this is striking him all of a sudden. I most certainly couldn't have triggered anything of this scale. Yet, something did.

I don't know if it would serve as a good wake up call? Or whether it is a cooling off period for both of us to re-evaluate what we want out of this relationship and our lives.

Ok, so maybe it's just him. I've been very clear about what I want. Who I want. How I want. Although I may not always be so gung-ho and get everything on my list done, as a broad overview, I would think that I have managed my life such that it has been going in the right direction.

Do all guys get such "times of reflection"?

I've spoken to several guys, and I value all the input. From the negative to the positive, I've been extremely rational and evaluated them according to his personality. Still, too many scenarios appear.

I continue to wait till he contacts me. I have been looking forward so much to spending this weekend with him...

Come back to me Dearie.. Whatever it is, we can always work things out and talk it through.....

Sad sad

2007-10-24T08:50:00.000+08:00

Why do I feel so sad?
Because my bf treats me like any other friend of his. Which isn't too badly for a friend, but extremely disappointing as a girlfriend.
Of late, I can ask him where he is or who he's with but he won't say. Sigh.

So who am I to him really?
Unless it's what I want to hear, I am not sure I want to know.

So what am I doing about it?
Nothing. I am trying to be as normal could be. I don't know if I should try to act as how a gf does because I don't seem to be getting any reciprocation for such action. It's as if I'm throwing myself at him and there's no response.

So how am I coping?
On the surface, I would think I'm doing really well. Still able to come to work and do everything that has been expected of me.
On the inside, I'm wailing, kicking and shouting. If it stops, I'm afraid that my heart would no longer feel for him. Through the days I've been swallowing the sobs that have crept up to my throat and fought back the tears that reached my eyes.

What I hope would happen?
That he realises how he is killing me from the inside. That it hurts like hell to have a boyfriend who doesn't treat me as a girlfriend. I've always always always never ever asked for anything much - except for his time, attention, and effort to show that I mean something more to him than just another girl... or just a friend...

I know his friends, but it doesn't mean that I want them to go approaching him and telling him how to be a bf. I think it might piss him off. I don't know.

Looking ahead.....?
I don't dare look far except for myself. After he gets his bike... after he finishes the exams for his degree... I will ask one last time whether he sees me in his future. If he cannot give me an answer I want to hear, then I may have to listen to my head more than my heart. As usual, I may be laying some instructions I may not follow through myself - but considering how long I have pondered upon this, the time for it to become a reality creeps up closer each time.

Usually, by this time in my evaluation and pouring out of my heart, I feel better and whatever I typed usually becomes words of anger. Venting of frustration completed. This time, I feel exactly the same as before I started writing.

I miss him... but does he miss me?
I love him... but does he love me?

If he does, can someone pls ask him to show me? to tell me?
If he doesn't, please end my torture now.

Tis the season for ... r/s problems?

2007-10-18T10:29:00.000+08:00

A couple of people around me are having problems with their relationships - if you could call it that. 'Cos technically, they're not together with the guy/girl.

But I am.

And what I'm having is not so much a problem, but rather something that is recurring. It is so irritating because everything he does just seems wrong. Whether or not I can justify it I just get pissed off.

If I were at the receiving end of this, to be honest, I'd do what he'd do - IGNORE. haha... ironic.

Ah well... He's gonna be busy this Saturday night.
And so will I.

It's party time.

Here comes that time of the year again

2007-10-17T10:10:00.000+08:00

The 2 of us have made up, but I still can't help feeling somewhat pissed off.
- Maybe because when he came over, he was pink in the face, and had alcohol (beer) in his breath - and mind you he reached my place at 8pm in working attire, plus he is NOT a drinker.
- When I wanted to snuggle with him a little more, his phone began ringing and he said he had to go pump petrol. Again.
- He's got plans this Saturday again and they don't include me. Supposedly planned some time ago.

I know i know. Trust him.. right? I don't understand why it should be so hard for me. I mean, I've spent a considerable amount of time with my colleagues too.
The petrol thing is not something new. This time I've met the people he goes with.
And him having plans on Saturday isn't something that hasn't happened before - and I've done it before myself.

So again, what is my problem? I'm trying to diagnose this. It seems that this pang hits me at the same few points of a year. And it is bloody irritating. I can talk to him about it, but I must come up with some sort of action plan so that when the question""So what do you want me to do?" comes up, I have an answer. Thing is: I don't.

I would assume that perhaps a little gesture from him (eg: presents, flowers, a surprise, etc) would be nice and could appease me for quite a while. But you don't ask your own boyfriend: eh, give me surprise leh. Do you?!?!?!

I take a little comfort that he's telling me upfront this time. This means I have 3 more days to plan what I intend to do this Saturday. Up till now, it's jam packed already so no problems for that. Sunday afternoons are for flute practice so perhaps I'll only see him on Sunday. We'll see about that.

Meanwhile, I can only hope a little bird flies by his ear and whispers my thoughts to him.
Follow my heart and not the mind. That's been the advice from the oldest of days.
But how long I can keep to this advice I don't know. It is a reality that if it is taken for granted that I'll stick around forever, I will disappoint - for walking away is always an option. And it is no secret how to stop me from going down that path..

How is it that I can suddenly become so needy of attention and affection once again? The possessive and green-coloured monster in me is putting on its horns again to do the annual show it does. This time I'm going to control it. I have to.

How should I explain to him what I am feeling inside? I do not want my friend to have to be the one to convey to him what I want. It's not right. And it's a burden on my friend. This is the communication that I suck at. I simply have no idea how to tell him. What am I supposed to say?

Juz Another Gal

I'm engaged. :)

Spouting my random thoughts..

Hello again :O)

Time to fly

Super neglected

*phew*

End of hal of 2009

Sneak peek

I am IN DA HOUSE!!!

Moving to the East - part 1

I'm 27

Reaching the point of exhaustion

Deserve vs reality

Hello to Q2

Surprise Birthday Preset - SUCCESS!

Lack of photos

I'm still here...

Cobwebs

Back & busy

I AM BAAACK!

Final Countdown

Still counting down...

Finally!

Kaze @ The Heeren 2009

Longest break ever

Too much to do

Overloaded brain

A bunch of firsts!

It's good to be me

What a race

Oooooopsie

Looong weekend

Belated photos

I am sick again

Need .. sleep ..

What wisdom?

Gum infection again?!

Bump

Another week into the year

Back from Bintan...

PC problem

Another long week ahead

Too busy

Hurt

Oopsie

Love & guilt

The Open Secret

Dreams and goals

Settling back in

I'm baaaack

I'm coming back home...

The cumbersome traveller

*New York New York*

I'm in New York!!!

Overwhelmed & Touched

Another week already?!

The Party @ Bellini Room

Pills

Kaze @ The Esplanade - Official publicity

The week summarised

Confused Busy Girl

Erm.. oops?

I must not fall in love

Short week. Yippee~

Drinking week

The break-up: a revisit

Wasted weekend

Back to music

Counting down to mundane-ness

V. Date.

Over-drinking

Happy CNY!

My poem.. my theme song..

Compressed Update .. again

Another cycle

Simple simple weekend

Time to leave things behind

A dream come true

Sinfully Merry Christmas

phew

New York New York